A
female
age
41-50,
*fogalilly
writes:I have another question, is it wrong for woman to ask man out on a date? Does it start a cycle of a woman taking the male role in the relationship? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (10 October 2009):
 Why would it be wrong? It's unorthodox, but that isn't necessarily bad.
If you're shy about asking him out, just be friendly and drop some hints. He'll get them!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): I think it is OK to ask a guy out, but I think it is smarter if you are going to be the one to make the first move to ask for his help first, as in can you help me install a window....or to invite him to a group outing, such as a BBQ or Happy Hour.
That way, you are less threatening, less the aggressor and you come accross as wanting to be a friend or get to know him a bit.
Then if he accepts, I think you need to back off and let him do the asking. Not because I think it is wrong for women to pursue, but from my experience, I have never had a long term relationship in which I was the pursuer. It just doesn't happen.
If a man really is interested, he will make the effort to ask you out, get to know you and romance you. If you do all the intiating it either takes the wind out of his sails or you are just fooling yourself into thinking that you can "change his mind".
The thing you have to remember though, even though this seems unfair, women actually have the power in the selection process. Men generally will make moves on a variety of women that they are interested in, and though it seems they have the upper hand in the selection process, they don't, it is the women who decide whether or not to be receptive to his advances, so men are constantly seeking the women who "want them".
So, to answer your question, sure it is OK to ask a man out, if you need an escort to a funciton fine, if you really want a man to like you, better encourage him to do the asking, and if he truly is interested, available and interested in you and the vibe you are sending, he will make the first move.
Hope this helped.
Sorry for the duplicate post, my mouse is wacky and sometimes I am not clicking, but it does any way.....grrr
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): I think it is OK to ask a guy out, but I think it is smarter if you are going to be the one to make the first move to ask for his help first, as in can you help me install a window....or to invite him to a group outing, such as a BBQ or Happy Hour.
That way, you are less threatening, less the aggressor and you come accross as wanting to be a friend or get to know him a bit.
Then if he accepts, I think you need to back off and let him do the asking. Not because I think it is wrong for women to pursue, but from my experience, I have never had a long term relationship in which I was the pursuer. It just doesn't happen.
If a man really is interested, he will make the effort to ask you out, get to know you and romance you. If you do all the intiating it either takes the wind out of his sails or you are just fooling yourself into thinking that you can "change his mind".
The thing you have to remember though, even though this seems unfair, women actually have the power in the selectio
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (9 October 2009):
 It is not bad to ask a man out. It is a great thing to do. I can see why a woman wouldn't want to do it (check what Ask Oldersister wrote), but personally I don't find it bad, in itself.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (9 October 2009):
 I completely agree with Ask oldersister. Although it's not 'wrong' I don't think it puts you, as the woman, in a good position for building a relationship. When a man asks you out you know that he's interested and has made the effort to ask you. When you ask him, even if he agrees, you're always left wondering if he's truly interested or just going along with it (and yes, men have been known to do that). I don't think it would be wrong to ask him to a party or a bbq (as pinktopaz said), a get together of some sort, but I would leave the asking out on an official date to the guy. You need to know that he's interested.
It's been my experience that relationships with guys who make an effort to ask you out and keep asking you out are filled with less drama and insecurity on my part...so that's why I prefer that a man ask me out. You can be friendly, flirt a bit, and give them the opportunity to ask...if they don't it's generally because they don't want to.
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A
female
reader, Kendra0589 +, writes (8 October 2009):
 Definately not!!! As a matter of fact it makes you feel better knowing you took a chance. I use to sit back and wait for guys to ask me out. But I think the only way to do that is face to face. Go for it you never know!!!
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (8 October 2009):
 I think the idea of women asking men out, or courting them goes back long before the days of Sadie Hawkins.
We have this romantic ideal of men always being the initiators of romantic contacts when in fact that seems to be a big myth propagated by two sources (1) Judeo-Christian theology which includes Islam and (2) the Renaissance which embodied some sort of weird, macabre chaste love thing.
Frankly, most of history is replete with aggressive women torpedoing their men, broadside. Just dig a little deeper into mythology, Ancient Greek and Roman history and the intersection with Helenistic Egypt (the Ptolemy line) leading up to Cleopatra. The stories also run a gambit throughout the crowned histories of Europe. Think Queen Victoria and her precious Prince Albert. This was the most "staid" marriage proposal through the most bizarre route ever conceived to marry -- a 1st cousin.
They had 9 children together. You have to admit, she was pretty dead-set on him. And ... believe it or not, she kept him as the official "consort" even after he died. Weird but true.
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A
male
reader, Candleman +, writes (8 October 2009):
 Story... My mom's first cousin had the hots for this guy. (I'll never forget this night.) She gets up the courage and calls him on the phone. They chat for a few and she asks him out on a date....
End of story....They have been married 15 years.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): No, because some guys are shy (like myself) and often too afraid to ask a girl out on a date.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (8 October 2009):
 The girl I am currently dating asked me out first. I was incredibly relieved to know that SHE was interested in ME, instead of just agreeing to go on a date because she had no good excuse not to.
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A
male
reader, Confuzzled012 +, writes (8 October 2009):
 Go for it. It won't start a cycle if you don't make it start a cycle. Just make a move and if you don't want to become completely dominant, then make sure you take turns. Don't always cave and make the next one. Or you could simply tell him, "Just because I asked you out, doesn't mean I always want to be the dominant one."
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): Just do it. Men would love it to happen more often, and what are male roles in a relationship anyway?
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (8 October 2009):
No, it's not wrong. I've done it before...well I wouldn't say I asked him on a date, but I took the initiative of us hanging out. I usually try and make it casual, not something that seems like a "date." A few friends of mine have done the same thing...we've all called a guy and asked him if he wants to come over for some BBQ for dinner...more so like a get-together than a date. And sometimes, I guess we get to see what it's like being in a guy's position. I definitely get nervous and afraid of rejection, but usually it works out fine. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (8 October 2009):
 No its not wrong. I actually find it more common now for women to innitiate the dating.
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A
female
reader, torngirl  +, writes (8 October 2009):
I don't think so, after the first date you can leave it in his hands to call you if he enjoyed your company! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Rachel O +, writes (8 October 2009):
 no i think its fine, a lot of girls are doing it now.
x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): Not at all. Some guys would actually appreciate the girl taking care of that VERY intimidating first move for them.
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