A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is there something wrong with me?At the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend of years) i told him i hate porn. If he watched it, he's gone. End of story. Reasons being, the girls are someones duaghters, yet they allow themselves to have no morals or standards or respect towards their bodies. They also are full of plastic implants and a lot have had extreme cosmetic surgery which i find so unattractive i would rather have sex with a milk bottle! My boyfriend thinks they are hot and that i am weird to be jealous over a piece of paper, i don't think i am controlling, i would much rather he cheat on me, have sex with a human than toss off over some plastic barbie doll. But this seems lately to be a big problem with him, and i have told him, he can choose me and our daughter or his "piece of paper with naked women on it". If its no big deal, it shouldn't be hard for him to choose right? I hate porn with a passion, it makes me sick to my stomach.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): My boyfriend never let me have a vibrator- seems fair i cant have what i want, he can't have what he wants :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): As a woman who had seen plenty of porn I can assure you many, many wiman have absolutely no desire to masturbate when they see it. In fact if anything could turn me OFF quicker thN porn I'd be suprised. It'd degrading, it lies about women and about sex so maybe Celia better not assume that most women who hate porn haven't seen it. Mist of us have and we see it for the crap it is!
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A
female
reader, torngirl  +, writes (3 January 2010):
I wrote the message about trying to have less of an issue with it btw..
I enforced the no porn no fantasies about other girls...it led to him resenting me. I do wish he had stopped because not hurting me was more important. But because he stopped because i enforced it, i didnt believe that he'd continue not to do it unless i checked he wasnt. So each week- btw, have you...? Cue a sulk - he'd say i'm doing what you want and still you're quizzing me. Eventually he got frustrated by me asking about why someone had poked him on facebook, only one little thing, but it all blew up. He said it sounded accusing when he hadnt done anything wrong, and it was in a way - not that i thought hed done something wrong but that i was scared he might be interested in her because they'd got together before hed met me but then she'd not be fully interested in him. That night he slept with someone else. Very remorseful the next day. I don't think there's ever a justifiable excuse for cheating, but at the time i was all like how could he do this cos that day aside we had been great for months on end. But actually he'd been feeling resentful about it for much longer. I ended up saying just do what you want (re fantasises etc) because i don't want to control you. He seemed so relieved and said ironically he'd probably fantasise about me more often because he could choose to but it wasnt his only option.
I still slide into saying sly comments like oh you were up late...not watching 'adult' tv programme eh ;P ...this doesnt help. I'm not totally ok with it but i'm trying to focus on the bigger picture.
Guess what i'm just saying is it might make things worse. I do totally get where you're coming from. I found it hard to trust he'd stick to what he'd promised which is part of what caused our problems. Good luck, it would be much easier if we could all not feel threatened/upset by it wouldnt it. Those who aren't are lucky i reckon! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): just an update- theres no porn hes agreed to it and he doesnt do it in secret cause we are together 24/7. so guess for the record people, i dont have to change. The girl doesn't ALWAYS need to change. and god it feels good. thanks people xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): I'm trying to have less of an issue with this but if i'm being honest I have to say i much prefer bf not to watch porn that to watch it. Maybe i read more into him doing it than is really there but the thought of him doing it just makes me feel horrible. I'm aware i'm unlikely to find someone who doesn't, who has the other qualities he does. It can be the question of be lonely and be true to your values/feelings or be with someone you otherwise love but be hurt by them, and wonder how they can continue to do something they know hurts you, whether they think you are silly to be hurt by it or not. It's not an easy situation. Celiaaletta I admire how far you have come but you have had to go against your inner feelings a lot and your continued expression of your support of porn does make me wonder who you're trying to convinve - the OP or yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): Caellia please get educated on porn and gender issues before giving such poor advice. The fact he shares his body with he means very little as most men I know will share their bodies freely win any woman if given the opportunity. I know you think your helping but your adviceshows an ignorance of the true issues of porn. Why do you chck out sites like noporn.com and see the damge it has done to many wives and mother.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): It's quite simple really. She shares her body with him , he should at the very least have enough respect for her not to use porn.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): I'll admit, i just had a baby 4 months ago, i don't feel great about my body. But have you heard that most pornstars were dragged into the business, raped and abused? It's just wrong! They should have some self respect for their bodies. I don't read romantic books or watch porn or perve on guys. I have my boyfriend. i don't masturbate i don't do drugs i don't get on the piss every weekend. But, i do find these girls very unappealing anyway, i suppose its not porn i hate so much, it's the girls in it. they are so unattractive its like expecting me to watch an old fat man try and get a boner. Revolting. Why are pornstars so ugly and plastic anyways? Why can't they be natural and beautiful and not so 'throwing themselves' at every ugly old man in films? If a guy watches porn, to me it seems they have little or no respect for women and see women as sex objects. If a woman looks at it, thats even worse cause the 'hot guys' in porn look like homosexual gay boys. Seriously, it's true. It's just sick. I'd rather just strip off, have sex with my man and have fun even if it meant 3 times a day. I don't mind. PORN SUCKS.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name +, writes (30 December 2009):
 Sounds to me like the problem is less with the porn than it is of you comparing yourself to the 'plastic fantastic' bodies in it and attacking the owners of them coz they threaten your own body image or sense of self.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): im the original poster-
i actually did tell him to go out and have sex with another chick rather than watch porn. he thinks im silly for saying that and doesn't understand why im not like other girls. i dont care, he can have sex with a donkey for all i care, JUST NOT ANY PORN. atleast if he had sex with a girl, a normal girl.. she wouldn't look sooooo fake like these tarts. why if people say they like natural looking girls, why look at plastic fake bimbos? its GROSS.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): well if you are that miffed then you should ask him why he does it and see what he likes about it and find out about what he does not like about your hobbies i am not always right but i have been in the situation but with out the child
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (28 December 2009):
 You say you would rather be single then be with someone who watches porn.
Fair enough, but you are NOT single. You are in fact with a guy you had a child with. That suggests to me a relationship of at least 9 months.
So, you say it shouldn't be hard for him to choose, but you haven't chosen yourself. If you had just been starting to see this guy and then put this ultimatum, and stood by it, that would be one thing.
But that is not what you did. You been with this guy for a long time, had unprotected sex and gave birth to a child at the age of 17 all the while claiming you hate porn so much that you can never be with someone who watches it.
Do you see the conflict?
Your problem is simple, you got some ideologie, he hasn't, you are expecting him to change or else... nothing.
How exactly do you see that working out?
Lets change the story around. Say he absolutely believes porn is right and proper and will not be with any girl that doesn't agree. What are his chances of changing your mind?
None? But then you are saying that your values are more important then his. That you get to change him but he not you?
If you believe in something and don't want to compromise on that, then that is fine, but then you got to accept the consequences.
And you ain't doing that. This is no different from any other "I want my bf to do X but won't do anything to make him" post.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): I am the original poster-
I would rather be single for life than to date someone who looked at porn. It's worse than cheating, i'd much rather he have sex with another woman rather than look at it. weird yet true.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): im the poster of this question-
im not a virgin
im bi sexual i myself like girls, and i can understand the fantasy thing, but why fantasize over something so FAKE. and not just fake but bloody hideous. I dont find any other guys attractive, nor do i masturbate, my boyfriend does it for me! I don't get it about porn, if you WANT to fantastise, fantasise over something worth it. Not just some ugly bimbo who looks all drug fu**ed! In the end, its fake, its acted, its sleazy, its disgusting.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): No, i am a mother. Yes i am 17 very young to have a child i've heard it all before but i don't regret my daughter. I just EFFING hate porn. (I am the poster of this question)
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A
male
reader, doom  +, writes (28 December 2009):
 Hi, i can be wrong,but in my oppinion you are a bit over reacting and over protected.It's discasting porn, but it's like a fantasie.I see you are 16-17, then are you a virgin maybe?if yes then it's normal what you think.
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