A
female
age
36-40,
*zrlinz
writes:To all the aunts and maybe some uncles, I would appreciate any input.I have an absolutely wonderful boyfriend whom I have been together with for almost 4 years. We have been through everything, and stand by each other through everything. I lost my virginity to him, and have only slept with him my whole life. We have a good sex life, have sex every day, but I wonder about what it would be like to be with someone else...Which brings me to one of his friends. We had a party one night and because me and my boyfriend have discussed the above issue, he said I had his permission to kiss his friend. I did...and we made out for a while and it was fantastic. It was completely cool after, no awkwardness between anyone. He has now allowed me to actually sleep with him, for the experience. I have allowed him the same pardon...because he enjoys anal play and always wondered what it would be like to be with an actual guy..and I encouraged him to explore this side of him. I am just wondering if I am getting into too much trouble by doing this. I am not looking to pursue a relationship with his friend, hes totally not boyfriend material. He is more just a lust urge...an itch to scratch. Don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriend and we are great together in the bedroom and out, but after almost four years of being with the same person and not being able to experience other people sexually...especially that I'm only 21 I think I should take this opportunity. Am I wrong?
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female
reader, torngirl  +, writes (4 January 2010):
I think this could be a bit risky, it's one thing saying you're ok with it, but what if once it's done you/he feel differently, cos it can't be undone?
I'm bi and never been with a girl sexually, i was attracted to a girl who seemed very into me and confessed this to my bf. He said i could sleep with her if i wanted to as i wanted to learn more about this other side of me. In the past though he'd been upset when i'd kissed a girl not thinking of it as a big deal. So i didn't want to risk him getting hurt if i did sleep with her. It also just didnt feel right, as much as i was tempted and despite him giving me the go ahead. Now about 6 months on, although it would have been good to have explored that side of me and its a shame the opportunity didnt come along when i was single, it's really not that big a deal. What's more important is my relationship with him (admittedly he later cheated on me so i felt a little peeved then!). But that aside...i'm basically glad i didn't cos its not me to sleep with someone else when im in love.
So basically ...you two know yourselves best...but do you think that not doing this is something you will look back and regret , or do you think that you may look back and regret doing it? If you have fears of the latter maybe you could try just spicing things up more yourselves..eg experiment with 'anal play' if youre comfortable with it..End of the day your choice hun x
A
female
reader, rzrlinz +, writes (4 January 2010):
rzrlinz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all these answers...I knew that if I did this there would be so many repercussions...Its just hard because I do want to experience other people but I am not willing to give up and leave my boyfriend..so I feel almost trapped. Its such a hard situation.
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A
male
reader, OAKWOOD  +, writes (4 January 2010):
its about time to leave your bf
your relationship is not healthy.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (4 January 2010):
 Here is your saying,and I wish to give my comment on this:"We have a good sex life, have sex every day, but I wonder about what it would be like to be with someone else..." Here is your second statement about sex, "hes totally not boyfriend material. He is more just a lust urge...an itch to scratch. Don't get me wron"
You doing is inspired by mere curiosity. You learn nothing about 'sex life' and its spiritual aspect. As a energy, sex is universal, and to share this energy we are bound to form relationship. But, one is also bound to understand sexual experience in terms of 'energy'. And, not in terms of 'lust' So, the likely result is the destruction of 'sex pleasure' at all. Most likely result is your sex life can be turned in to commercial exchange, which is the worst result.
However, your speech make some sense. You admire sex pleasure. And, want to learn and live sex in all possible aspect. you should join some 'tantric group'. Where you can learn real philosophy of wisdom, of love, and bliss. Without such learning do not try sexual experimentation on your own, by mere curiosity because it will certainly destroy mutual trust. And, relationship can became a trading unit for sex.
If you need more guidance on tantric aspect of sex life, please feel free to write me personally.
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A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (4 January 2010):
 I urge extreme caution here. EXTREME caution. Even if he SAYS he's ok with it, even if he BELIEVES he's ok with it, he may not be when it actually happens. He might not even understand how he's feeling then, but could just start lashing out or being short tempered with you for reasons he can't explain, but it is VERY likely to affect him on some level.
And it will affect you too. Whatever you might think, sex IS a very emotional thing. "Just a fling" still takes a part of your heart. Even if you swear this other man is just lust and not boyfriend material, sleeping with him has an extraordinary chance of changing your tune. And what if he's good, even better than your boyfriend? Do you plan to just resent you boyfriend's lack in bed, or would you continue to sleep with both of them?
Heck, even if you only sleep with this particular guy once, what then? Next time you lust for another man, will you sleep with him too? Once you've cheated, it's hard to remind yourself it was a one time thing. Do you want an open relationship, free to have sex with whoever? I don't want to go all "slippery slope" here, but this is the reality of what happens every day to people. Once you start making exceptions to the rules, it's hard to stop.
There ARE couples that have made swinging work and have traded partners for years without their own relationship ending, but don't count on being one of those couples. If you do this, sleeping with another man and letting your boyfriend do the same, do it knowing that it stands a good chance of ending your relationship.
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