If we are just "friends", why did she get all dressed up to go out with me?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I know this girl and I like her, but she said she just wants to be friends. I was heartbroken at first but then said to myself, I like her enough so why not just be friends. So we made an arrangement last week to see a movie...
A. 18 July 2011: You know, I think there is a Pox crawling across our land - or, at least - on both of our houses. Damn near the same spot as you, & wow does it ever suck.
So here's my take: I agree w/Battista & chigirl's possibility (B). That's based only on ... (read in full...)
Is it love, or is it loneliness?
Q. Love or loneliness? When I finally decided to tell her my feelings, she asked me if I really liked her or if I really liked being with her. Honestly, I couldn't think of an answer, and I still can't answer that. She says that she was worried that...
A. 18 July 2011: Hi Anon,
Thanks for asking your question: it gave me pause to reflect on my own soul-crushing "the-feeling's-not-mutual" situation and ask myself the same thing, i.e. what distinguishes longing for someone because of loneliness from being just cra... (read in full...)
What can I do to become more dominant?
Q. Hey guys my girlfriend wants me to be more dominant, assertive and aggressive (in a good way). I can be when I need to be but am naturally a timid, shy guy, like if she doesn't want to do something I won't push the subject. what do I need to do be...
A. 4 July 2011: Hi sh,
I'm not sure if you're just talking about her wanting you to be more dominant during sex, or more 'alpha-male'-ish in general. If it's just during sex, I'd say set up a safe word or the like w/her in advance then gradually ramp things u... (read in full...)
Does everyone have a type?
Q. I have heard before that people can have multiple "soul mates" or people that they are attracted to or fall in love with. I have also heard that everyone has a "type", and the one they end up with falls into a mold of a person that is their ideal. ...
A. 3 July 2011: Hi bb, I think I might be able to shed some light on your confusion or at least point you in a direction to gain some perspective on it. I work in science, so up front let me say I've got a bias toward mundane explanations for what would otherwis... (read in full...)
Trying to blow off this girl. Any suggestions?
Q. i need a way to blow off a girl. i don't normally do these things. when im with a girl it is for the right reason which is love. so i intend to stay with her. among my guy friends i am the only one who is like that. the others just love girs for 2, ...
A. 19 June 2011: Hi there,
I'd say be explicit with her & tell her that you're not ready to be close with her if she's not willing to let you know exactly where you stand. Mention your Eminem phase (awesome way to put it, BTW) & explain that you don't want to ... (read in full...)
Strangely attracted to a girl not my usual type. She gets made fun of a lot an I'm afraid friends will turn on me to What now?
Q. Okay so theres this girl that i just met and she likes me and i think shes kinda cute but my friends dont they were making fun of her really bad even though i kinda liked her i admit shes not my usual type shes short and not as thin as my usual ...
A. 19 June 2011: First, I think you should punctuate your sentences. Sorry, but I had to get that out there.
And now to your question:
Date her, and to H3ll with what your friends think/say. True friends will, in the end, respect your happiness. If th... (read in full...)
Is my friend really gay or is he just playing around?
Q. Hullo, I have a friend how acts really gay, hugging guys ect all the time. He can be quite camp at times as well. When I used to study maths he was sat next to me and he would often put his hand on my leg and sometimes rub it. Other times he would...
A. 17 June 2011: I'd say the only way to tell is to ask him.... (read in full...)
How do I get past the breakup if there is no hope of us getting together again?
Q. So I have been broken up with my ex girlfriend for about 2 weeks now. We are both 15 btw. She called me 2 weeks ago (right before summer break) saying that she didn't feel ready for a relationship. This was a complete shock and broke my heart. ...
A. 16 June 2011: When people your age express your thoughts in a coherent and logical manner as you've done, it gives me hope for the future of mankind. Well done.
But man, does that ever suck. As a somewhat crusty, jaded person, I can't help but think you did ... (read in full...)
How do I stop doubting myself so I can move ahead in life???
Q. This is gonna sound strange, but it is true: I doubt myself 24/7! I can't make decisions. About work, about life, and most importantly about relationships. I feel certain things, but then I turn around and doubt myself, thinking my feelings are unfo...
A. 15 June 2011: I'm going to get philosophical on you, so this may get long (get a beverage now).
There are three terms you used that tell me your underlying assumptions about life and the Universe are what's making you miserable. The three terms are:
- wrong... (read in full...)
Its difficult for me to "get out there." Anyone have any similar experiences?
Q. Hey everyone. I guess I'm not really sure what I hope to accomplish with this. Partially just wanting to get it off my chest and partially hoping to find some good advice that I haven't seen elsewhere. I've searched the net a bit and haven't seen ...
A. 13 June 2011: Hello, I thought I'd chime in.
I agree with Spinnaker that, despite your opinion of joining things, seeking out groups of people who hold similar (or at least common) interests is a good idea. I'd add to this an important caveat, though - and this... (read in full...)
How to tell my kids? I am a woman who wants to be in a relationship with another woman?
Q. I need some help!!! I am 32yrs old have 3 beautiful children and i am inlove with a woman who is my bestfriend... I know the feelings are mutual, I know they are real...What I don't know is how to tell my kids b/c I want to spend the rest of my life ...
A. 12 June 2011: I'd say it bodes well if you've been open w/your kids about everything - all you need to do is be honest/declarative, then listen to how they feel (read: empowerment through listening, yadayada). With the father, I don't see why it's important for ... (read in full...)
How to tell my kids? I am a woman who wants to be in a relationship with another woman?
Q. I need some help!!! I am 32yrs old have 3 beautiful children and i am inlove with a woman who is my bestfriend... I know the feelings are mutual, I know they are real...What I don't know is how to tell my kids b/c I want to spend the rest of my life ...
A. 11 June 2011: Hi there,
I think the 'How' depends on a few mitigating factors, i.e.:
- your kids' ages,
- how you've talked to them about relationships until now,
- the predominant values in your community
If your kids are very young, say pre-school o... (read in full...)
Addicted to Gay Porn - What can I do to stop?
Q. Dear Aunt, am addicted to gay porn but i want to stop it how can i do....
A. 5 June 2011: Hi there,
I'm going to assume that by "addicted" you mean that your watching of (gay porn... let's call it 'gorn') is interfering with your work, relationships, or quality of life somehow. That makes it something that you're quite right to try t... (read in full...)
I Don't appreciate family's racist remarks. How can I deal with this?
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles, So, here's my problem. I'm of white-Asian heritage and my (white) father's family is racist. In the past, they've made derogatory remarks about my "dark" features, and tend to make a lot of negative generalizations about As...
A. 5 June 2011: I'd say go ahead & explode on them - that may be the only way to get through to them. While exploding, add that you could live the rest of your life w/o seeing them - and that ultimately whether you do or not is up to them.
Personally I don't th... (read in full...)
She knows how I feel about her, and yet she just wants to be friends, what do I do?
Q. Hi, so i met this awesomely amazing girl this year at school and we became friends. At first i didn`t have feelings for her i didn`t think of her as anything more then a friend, but over time i grew feelings for her, and these feelings both weekend ...
A. 2 June 2011: Damn, that sucks. And, as a schmuck in his 30s in a similar fix, I'm living proof that your situation isn't necessarily limited to high school. How is it that anyone can will themselves to unlike (as opposed to dislike) a person?
Let's assume t... (read in full...)
This love just happened. How do I get over it? Why do I have to get over it?
Q. How do I get over this. I am falling deeper and deeper in love with a women 26 years younger than I am. We met in graduate school and worked together for 10 months before she left for a fulltime position. The last day we worked together, just the...
A. 1 June 2011: Man oh man, Jeez Louise - I feel your pain (sort of).
I'm in the midst of trying to un-like a younger lady who I worked with in grad school and became daftly enamored with. Damn you, Grad School - damn you. You had better luck in the feelings... (read in full...)
I really love her. Do you think she could learn to want me to be the one?
Q. Hey guys, so I love my ex girl friend. I would do anything for her. We broke up because she was confused about whether she loved me or not. We broke up twice with the same issue. She was confused, not knowing whether to pick me, or her best...
A. 18 February 2011: I tell 'ya, I wish I had your life when I was your age...
That said, here's the deal. Your brain's neurology has become such that, when you think of her, your Porsche of a body excretes a chemical that's more powerful than crack. You're addicted... (read in full...)
How can I boost my confidence about my body?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 months now and I enjoy every waking moment with him. I losy my virginity to him after 3 months but he didn't know I was a virgin. It wasn't even like actual sex. We just sort of had a quicky in my friend's ...
A. 17 February 2011: Call me greasy, but a bathroom makes for a great "Where'd you lose your virginity" story... Like a great wine, that'll just get better with age!
Incidentally, so will your confidence in your body. The first responder's advice on eating healthy ... (read in full...)
For those over 35: What would you have done differently in your relationships when you were younger?
Q. Hi, OK, I read a lot of questions on Dear Cupid by people in their early to late 20s who are stumbling about in their relationships over issues of trust, commitment, priorities, responsibility, etc. So I was wondering if the older DC folks could p...
A. 14 February 2011: You know, as I stare whistfully and alone into my computer screen this Feb. 13th, I can't help but think two things: 1) What a great topic this was to post, and 2) Given the desert of isolation I find myself in, my response may not be the most ... (read in full...)
I have a bad feeling he won't change. Am I wasting my time?
Q. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend about 2 years. Started off sweet, charming, slightly clingy. We began texting each other prior to meeting. He would text up to 200 per day. Telling me his life story. At first I was flattered he was so into me. ...
A. 2 February 2011: Hi there,
Well you probably know this yourself, but I hope I can give your intuition some verbal back-up.
He
Will
absolutely
not
change.
And, what's more, there's no way you could change him unless you sneak up in the middle of the... (read in full...)
My husband is sucking me dry... emotionally. Need advice!
Q. I don't even know why I am posting this here or how to phrase this so that I don't seem like the bad guy...but I am. And I know it. And yes, feel free to tell me so. I tried to tell my hubby that if he posted here with this problem you would all ...
A. 1 February 2011: Hi there,
This might be a simplistic take on it, but why not the whole lot of you [hubby+his friends, you+your friend] go out for dinner or something like that. I.e. - become known quantities all around.
Distrust is a defensive response to the ... (read in full...)
What is wrong with using someone if they use you too?
Q. Hi, my question is this, I was talking with a friend who reguarly has casual sex with people. I was saying how it is bad if there is no love or commitment, but he goes, why? If i am using her for my gratification and she is using me for hers, ...
A. 1 February 2011: Hi there, I think I might be able to help.
The problem you're having is equating 'using someone' (which has a negative spin to it) with mutual gratification, and putting these things in opposition to love & committment. Teasing all these apart, I... (read in full...)
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