A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, so I love my ex girl friend. I would do anything for her. We broke up because she was confused about whether she loved me or not. We broke up twice with the same issue. She was confused, not knowing whether to pick me, or her bestfriend, who likes her. We stopped talking for a while, and she was hanging out with him the majority of the time etc. long story short, she is back to square one, all confused. She wants her best friend back, which is a guy, and she won't get over it. We broke up because she only felt loved when I kissed her cheek, or hold her hand, hug her etc. she loves everything about me, except she gets annoyed towards me, like once a day. Because i'm either texting her too much, or too little etc. do you think she lusts after me? We have done many things before, except sex. We have had a few months together, and I asked her to live with me. She doesn't mind, which seems she lusts me, is it possible for this to turn into love? I really want her. Emotionally and sexually. Thanks so much
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): if she doesn't know if she loves you or not, it means she doesn't. you should move on
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 February 2011):
 You can't make her love you. You can't make a cow fly either.
I honestly don't think she knows what she truly wants. So I suggest you move on. Find someone who wants you and badly and you want them.
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A
female
reader, Eilish  +, writes (18 February 2011):
 If I'm being honest I think you should move on. Its not fair to wait about for something that might not even happen, she's getting your hopes up and this could affect your feelings a lot. Don't let her wrap you around her finger so you go running whenever she wants. She obviously doesn't know what she wants at all. Let her know your done fighting, this way you won't get hurt.xxx
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (18 February 2011):
 In my experience, if you are in a relationship and the other person has an opportunity to be with someone else and says they don't know who to pick, then it's time to move on as she obviously doesn't know what she wants right now.
I don't think a relationship with this girl is going to happen. It is possible to change her mind, but you can change her mind or you can end up getting even more heartbroken over it than you had originally planned and it's just bad all around. Trust me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): You broke up twice because she wasn't sure if she loved you. She doesn't love you. She may like you a lot or like the attention you gave her but she doesn't love you.
If she loved you she wouldn't be confused over who to pick, she would have picked you. This girl sounds a little immature and a bit of an attention seeker.
You are both very young and it sounds to me this girl isn't mature enough for a real relationship just yet. If you think you can just be friends with her then do but i don't think a relationship with her is going to happen any time soon.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): I think if she's confused she's not convinced. She doesn't seem to take you seriously.
My advice would be to give this one up...she's not into you...otherwise she would not have let you go...
Hope i don't sound too harsh...i just want you to realise that people who -dilly -dally around too much aren't into you enough...
Try meeting some1 new...who'll treat you right and love you back and not be confused about it.
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A
male
reader, Greasy  +, writes (18 February 2011):
I tell 'ya, I wish I had your life when I was your age...
That said, here's the deal. Your brain's neurology has become such that, when you think of her, your Porsche of a body excretes a chemical that's more powerful than crack. You're addicted to this chemical -- if you weren't, humans wouldn't exist as a species. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you - you're made to spec.
Now your girlfriend is also made to spec, and that spec says "Goddamnit, woman, make babies with the most Herculean studs you can find." This impulse has the same crack-like power over her as the one that tells *you* that she's the One. Again, these things what you're both feeling in different directions is precisely the biochemical reason why we humans are on top of the food chain and pellicans aren't. The biology works like a hot damn, and at your age it works overtime.
So here's my advice. If she's the "one," she'll still be the "one" in ten years. Also, if she's interested in someone else, she's not as interested in you as you are in her. That sucks, I know - but as far as I can tell, that's the case. So here's where it's up to you to assign a value to your own sense of dignitiy. You're certain - she isn't; you're dignitiy depends on her certainty. If she isn't certain, then, your dignity is certainly in jeopardy. F-that, I say - she's got her own stuff to sort out, as do you. With no hard feelings, tell her to explore her feelings for Guy X. Meanwhile, you and your Dignity find someone else, and in 10 years you get back together, then it was meant to be after all.
Like I said - if she's the One, she'll still be the One in 10 years. So what's the harm in seeing who's the Two in between? In short, I don't think she's lusting after you or anyone else - like you say, she's confused - as is anyone your age (sorry for the crusty age-ist bias) due to the sheer fact that Evolution has engineered your boy and girl parts to make as many babies as possible in as short amount of time as possible. Your emotions are a narrative that human culture has super-imposed onto that biochemical reality. The result is that there's no way in Heck you can know whether you're thinking with your cognitive mind, your heart, or your schlong (or schlagina, as the case may be).
The only thing you can do is isolate that aspect of yourself that you value intrinsically as a good thing, and conduct yourself in a manner such that that aspect is never compromised nor sullied. This aspect, I contend, is Dignity. Protect your own, and act to protect that of others -- even if those others are girls who you'd gladly jump in front of a bus for but are frivolously confused as to their feelings for you. Sometimes life just hurts, and bearing that pain is what makes a man's nuts [metaphorically] bigger. Nut-up, Bucko, that's you.
So light a [metaphorical] cigarette, stare whistfully into a sunset, and say sad things in Spanish or French to yourself for a while. Enjoy the pain - that pang is the very thing you'll remember with fond nostalgia in 30 years. Vas-y!
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