A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i need a way to blow off a girl. i don't normally do these things. when im with a girl it is for the right reason which is love. so i intend to stay with her. among my guy friends i am the only one who is like that. the others just love girs for 2, 3 wks then blow them off.this girl and i dated a few times and we seemed perfect for each other. whe was really into me and i was into her...untl i popped the question: how would u like to be my gilfriend? she said that she needed to think on it (which i learned is rarely a good sign). well i did give her time to think, however she never gave me a response. its like she just shyed away from the topic whenever we talked. eventually we sort of broke down in communication and i dont know about her but i went into depression mode.for the following 3 months i was like eminem. i had a spite towards women. so i stopped taking care of myself i deactivated my facebook account and started to work overtime like carzy leavin no social life for me. i started to blame myself wonderin if something was wrong with me.until one day i snapped out of the dpression. i took a haircut bought some new outfits and started to attend more social events. i met this girl again she hugged ask hw i was doin yada yada. apparently it seemed she still has no boyfriend btw. nw the problem is every time i try to go to some social event or church she tries to hang around me and looks as if she wants to get back with me. i personally still like her and i think that we would still make a nice couple. but i dont wanna get hurt by the same girl twice. (its not like we were bf and gf then she did something wrong n i had to forgive her) thats different this girl didnt want to commit to me then suddenly she into me. i have no anger or resentment to her earlier decision (i even tokk 3 counciling sessions with a pastor to make sureof that) i respect it. now i really need the help of the agony aunts and uncles in blowing her off (or if there is some nice way of putting it)and while u guys are at it just let me know your personal thoughts and opinions on my issue (of youve experienced it and how youve dealt with it)thanks in advance.
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female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (19 June 2011):
 HI
letting her down gently would be a better word to use.
Just say to her It's really great seeing you again, but she didn't want to be in a relationship with you have moved on, and will find it hard to meet another girl if she is with you all the time. Just say you appreicate her friendship, but thats all you want from her, and that when your going out it will be a GF your with not a female friend that could jepordise your chances of finding true and lasting love. It seems to me this girl likes to think of herself as the best catch ever, but if she dont want to be with you she backs off because she thinks she's too good for you, but she is still single which would suggest not all the guys are gullable to her advances. SO dont fall for er childish behaviour again, move on and let her be her own little princess. x
A
male
reader, Greasy  +, writes (19 June 2011):
Hi there,
I'd say be explicit with her & tell her that you're not ready to be close with her if she's not willing to let you know exactly where you stand. Mention your Eminem phase (awesome way to put it, BTW) & explain that you don't want to wind up like that again.
If you do it that way, you aren't blowing her off: you're simply being honest and candid.
As to the more general issue, I think you dealt with it in the only way there is to deal with it. Rejection, even when it's 'rejection by avoiding the topic,' hurts. When people are hurt, they withdraw to safety and heal - get stronger. That's what it is to be human and why Eminem got paid millions of dollars to make a movie: it's a story that's common to us all, and speaks to a pain that all of us face any number of times but nevertheless come back for more after the hurting's done. We're alive, and the fact that we yearn for the acceptance & affection of others proves it.
Anyhow, I hope that helps a bit - good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): The ball is in your court here, either take things slow and see where things go, if she is giving you signals to come on to her and you want to then go for it, but make sure you let her know that your not looking for a fling, your looking for a relationship and your not willing to settle for anything less. Maybe even bring this up in conversation, your views on relationships and casual flings.
If you really don't want her hanging off you at every sociable event, turn up with another girl, it may seem harsh but she will get the hint then. Good luck :)
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