Was this doctor inappropriate or am I overreacting?
Q. I am 35 years old and a mother of one. Happily married for the last 5 years. When the pandemic was just starting to take shape, we shifted into a new apartment complex, within the campus where my husband works. Our new neighbours include a young ...
A. 31 August 2020: Some medications can harm an unborn child. Sometimes this risk is still present weeks or even months after the last dosis is taken. I don't see this als intrusive or inappropriate.... (read in full...)
Is female ejaculation a myth
Q. I wish to understand whether female ejaculation is a myth. However I never seen this with my partner. Died it mean she is yet to be satisfied? Is there anything to take care of? I heard like female when enjoying at peak ejaculates. ...
A. 19 August 2020: Not all women ejaculate. If your partner doesn't, it does not mean she's not satisfied.... (read in full...)
S somebody who has suffered from major depression four times still entitled to hope for love?
Q. Well, the subject says it all ... that's basically the question I have. But I'll briefly give you some background. I'm willing to answer any questions and hoping for some dialogue, I don't expect any answers based on the short summary I give here. ...
A. 23 November 2019: @WiseOwl,
I am well aware of the positive effects of religion. I know of the strong bonds and helpfulness that exists within religious communities. Sadly, my scientific mind opposes against believing. More so does the European mindset generall... (read in full...)
S somebody who has suffered from major depression four times still entitled to hope for love?
Q. Well, the subject says it all ... that's basically the question I have. But I'll briefly give you some background. I'm willing to answer any questions and hoping for some dialogue, I don't expect any answers based on the short summary I give here. ...
A. 21 November 2019: @WiseOwl, thank you for your long answer.
I am very well aware of the need to be in contact with others: I experience it every day, everything I read about depression suggests isolation is a major problem in western society. Sadly, I can't ma... (read in full...)
I love sex but have a phobia about semen
Q. Ok this is probably going to sound weird but here goes... I think I have a phobia of semen. The idea of seeing a man 'finish' just repulses me. I can't deal with the thought of a man finishing inside me either. That's not to say I don't like sex. ...
A. 12 September 2019: While there is definitely a plus-side to your situation - you're not apt to have unsafe contacts and won't get pregnant unwanted - I suppose it somehow affects your life. For a partner it can be weird if you shy away from semen and - assuming that ... (read in full...)
Am I being an overprotective cat mom or is it cruel to leave my little kitten at home alone when I go to work?
Q. Hey i just bought the most divine cutest himalayan kitten, he is 2 months old and has been taken away from his mummy and daddy, and his other 2 brothers in the litter my friend and her husband took the 2 brothers! I absolutely ADORE him he is the ...
A. 24 August 2019: Some cats like company, others don't. Kittens are likely to prefer another kitten (or a parent around), but you'll never know whether they will get along when they've grown up.
Natural behaviour for cats is that they will seek shelter somewher... (read in full...)
I'm upset that he stopped during sex and blamed my noise. Am I overreacting?
Q. My boyfriend and I haven't had sex for a couple of months so yesterday I tried to get things started. While we were in the middle of doing it he kept putting his hand over my mouth, I thought it was like some sort of dominance thing because he...
A. 20 August 2019: Sounds to me your boyfriend has been brooding on something for a while. Not all couples maintain the standard rate of "twice a week" but I read between the lines you have been without sex for a while against your will.
How to interprete what hap... (read in full...)
30 years old without a degree and a career. I feel like such a failure
Q. I am feeling so depressed. As a child growing up, I always wanted to be a doctor. When selecting my courses my parents told me I should do business management instead. I started pursing business management but had no passion for it. I was accepted ...
A. 20 August 2019: You are only a failure in the eyes of those who adhere to a strict social standard that dictates you to rise in the hierarchy of the corporate world, to obtain the highest income possible etc.
Pursuing a degree when your heart is not in it, is a... (read in full...)
Nervous about returning to abusive husband
Q. When my husband gets jealous he sometimes assaults me and becomes very intimidating and threatening to me and I get very scared. It’s even worse when he’s been drinking alcohol. I have been with him for nearly 8 years and he had jealous rages wi...
A. 20 August 2019: Your husband has some serious issues. Jealousy is often a way in which underlying problems out, agression and drinking pose a serious threat to your integrity.
I wonder why you would consider returning to him.
While he is probably sufferi... (read in full...)
Do most men see short women as less attractive than tall women .
Q. Do most men see short women as less attractive than tall women . I often see descriptions of ‘hot ‘ or attractive women include the word tall and cute or sweet women as shorter . Obviously individuals have individual preferences but in GENERAL is ...
A. 19 August 2019: No we don't. Then again, some of us might. But on the other hand, there are probably some physical attributes that are a major turnoff to you as well.
I think in general, your height is probably your least significant physical aspect of your "at... (read in full...)
Does my partner have the right to know about the details of my therapy sessions?
Q. Hi. I won't bore you with too many details. Just want to know if you think it is appropriate for your spouse/partner to ask you about the details of your therapy sessions? I was diagnosed with anxiety and PTSD. I have begun counselling rece...
A. 19 August 2019: No.
He has no right to know. An obligation - or even a habit you've taken up yourself - to tell what is being said in a therapy session is potentially harmful for your progress. The therapist's office should be a safe environment and anything that... (read in full...)
Is mutual masturbation with random online women cheating on my wife of 10 years?
Q. I've been married for 10 years. I love my wife dearly and our sex life is still very much alive and well. The problem is I used to go into chat rooms before I met her. It involved video exchanges with random women. I used to pay for it but once that ...
A. 19 August 2019: As already stated: you could wonder how you would feel about it yourself if you found out your wife did this. Then again, knowing you are having cyber-sex, you might bend your answer to fit your need foor justification.
In my book, unless you have... (read in full...)
I left, he wants me back. What should I do?
Q. Hi Friends, I have two kids almost 3 and almost 2. I was engaged with their father for almost 3years.He was very sweet when we first met but after my first pregnancy he started changing more argument about financial.He was upset with one night I...
A. 19 August 2019: Abuse should be a red flag in any case. Doesn't matter if it's psychological - which is harder to recognize - or physical. It will only get worse: you'll encounter violence time and a again and this man will need less and less reason to hit you a ... (read in full...)
My soon to be ex wife threw out my personal belongings. Do I confront her? Or let it pass?
Q. A few days abo, I promised you guys the occasional rant about my divorce and my ex-wife's behaviour. Just to make sure I keep my promise, here comes another one ... Some years ago, I spent a lot of time on B and W photography doing everything...
A. 13 August 2019: Dear anonymous female,
I did not throw her stuff out because we agreed I wouldn't. We agreed certain things ware allowed to stay, I'm not complaining about the things that were not supposed to stay; I'm complaining about a pattern with which she ... (read in full...)
My soon to be ex wife threw out my personal belongings. Do I confront her? Or let it pass?
Q. A few days abo, I promised you guys the occasional rant about my divorce and my ex-wife's behaviour. Just to make sure I keep my promise, here comes another one ... Some years ago, I spent a lot of time on B and W photography doing everything...
A. 9 August 2019: @Female anon,
That's what she claims: a clean house. But I wouldn't dare to even set an eye on her stuff, she threw her candy-wrappers on the floor, expecting me to pick them up (that has changed since she decided she wanted a divorce), does not ... (read in full...)
How reliable is an STD-test?
Q. After a relationship of 10 years, I'm getting divorced. As I manage to put the pieces of my emotional puzzle together, I will probably be addressing an issue from time to time. One thing has been bothering me for a few months. When we starte...
A. 7 August 2019: I just went to the GP's replacement.
His answer: you can only test HIV and hepatitis A&B in blood. You've had vaccines for hepatitis (when I travelled to a remote area in the Himalayas). And as you're a regular blood donor (that is, I've stop... (read in full...)
My wife and I are sexually incompatible and I'd like to know how I can kill my libido
Q. I am 30 years old and married. I love my wife very much but we have never had the best sex life. I knew from the beginning that we weren't a perfect match sexually but, when we talked about it, she always said that she thought she would get more ...
A. 6 August 2019: And then I remember I once had the desire to kill of my desire. An agony aunt called Candid Cally brought "Surrogate Partner Therapy" under my attention. I did never use it as my situation gradually got resolved but the information might be useful ... (read in full...)
My wife and I are sexually incompatible and I'd like to know how I can kill my libido
Q. I am 30 years old and married. I love my wife very much but we have never had the best sex life. I knew from the beginning that we weren't a perfect match sexually but, when we talked about it, she always said that she thought she would get more ...
A. 6 August 2019: I have the same experience with escitalopram and other SSRI's. They come at a cost though: with escitalopram I gained 26 kg over a period of 1 year and was sleepy all through the day. Other SSRI's only made me sleepy (apart from the loss of sex ... (read in full...)
I still find it difficult to feel worthy of being loved or at least, to give love. How do I overcome this?
Q. I've lived in a very unstable family. Basically, my dad was emotionally and physically abusive with me and my mom, I've grown up in family problems and abuse for years, also my dad being a cheater (cheating 5 times on my mom) and being greedy and ...
A. 6 August 2019: I want to add something to my previous post. Therapy is not always the horror I might have described. But you have to keep in mind that you will at some point address the foundations of what is bothering you and that is not always going to be. There ... (read in full...)
I still find it difficult to feel worthy of being loved or at least, to give love. How do I overcome this?
Q. I've lived in a very unstable family. Basically, my dad was emotionally and physically abusive with me and my mom, I've grown up in family problems and abuse for years, also my dad being a cheater (cheating 5 times on my mom) and being greedy and ...
A. 6 August 2019: Psychology has an ongoing debate about nature versus nurture. The baseline is that part of our behaviour is due to our genes - I'd call it our temperament - and part is due to our experiences. The last decade, research points to the dominance of ... (read in full...)
How reliable is an STD-test?
Q. After a relationship of 10 years, I'm getting divorced. As I manage to put the pieces of my emotional puzzle together, I will probably be addressing an issue from time to time. One thing has been bothering me for a few months. When we starte...
A. 6 August 2019: @Honeypie,
I'd say my health is most important. Sadly, I can't rush things since my GP is not available at the moment and I'd hate to discuss this with somebody I don't know/trust
On the other hand, I believe that a certain understandin... (read in full...)
My b/f found out I texted my ex to make sure he no longer contacted me. My b/f hit me but I want to make things right with him!
Q. Me and my bf were in good relationship but I messed up everything . We loved each other alot . I used to hide things and our relationship become worse than anything. Day before yesterday we decided to forgot the past and started a fresh ...
A. 6 August 2019: @Female anonymous
It's quite common for victims of emotional or physical abuse to be "ok" with the abuse. While recognizing a slap in the face is far easier then recognizing a situation in which insults and manipulation occur on a regular basi... (read in full...)
How reliable is an STD-test?
Q. After a relationship of 10 years, I'm getting divorced. As I manage to put the pieces of my emotional puzzle together, I will probably be addressing an issue from time to time. One thing has been bothering me for a few months. When we starte...
A. 5 August 2019: @Honeypie,
I'm thinking along the lines of narcissicm (on her behalf). I've been reading a thing or two about it because she has been so self-centered the last few years. Or rahter, she's always been self-centered but things turned nasty when I need... (read in full...)
How reliable is an STD-test?
Q. After a relationship of 10 years, I'm getting divorced. As I manage to put the pieces of my emotional puzzle together, I will probably be addressing an issue from time to time. One thing has been bothering me for a few months. When we starte...
A. 5 August 2019: @Honeypie
Will do. With the summer holidays going on, the first available slot in the GP's agenda is by the end of next week.
As for seeing a therapist: psychological care in Belgium is notoriously bad. Especially in terms of availablilty... (read in full...)
I'd like to lose my virginity before I turn 30 but I've never even dated yet!
Q. Hey, I am in a bit of a dilemma at the moment. With that said, let me tell you a little about myself. I am a 24-year-old guy. I don't do drugs, never smoke, still a virgin, and only drink socially. I eat somewhat healthy, and try to hit the gym t...
A. 18 February 2013: It may not look like it, but at 24, 30 is still a long way to go. I've been single for most of my life, losing my virginity at 23 and with "only" two relationships. I've had my first girlfriend when I was 25, we lasted for 3 years. After that I've ... (read in full...)
What are recommended lubes people have used. And What works best for the painful morning after stomach aches and muscle cramps?
Q. I'm newly wed of 2 months now and so I've been exploring many new things lately as new couples do. I was wondering what the best lube is that feels warm and maybe adds to your sensitivity? One other question... What works best for the painful ...
A. 2 October 2012: As CindyCares states, you don't really "need" a lubricant. And if you do ... she gave some great directions. For what it's worth: my GF needs a lubricant; it's a medical condition, we know about it and we're glad someone at some point invented... (read in full...)
No more erections!
Q. For emotional reasons, I believe it's best that I stop having sex. I'm wondering if there are any techniques that can train you to never have an erection again, like pinching your skin very hard each time you get an erection. Would there be an...
A. 5 December 2011: Thanks Candid Cally,
I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next thursday ... my first goal is to discuss my medication, since I believe I had my current relapse after stopping my medication.
I have been considering a therapist that s... (read in full...)
No more erections!
Q. For emotional reasons, I believe it's best that I stop having sex. I'm wondering if there are any techniques that can train you to never have an erection again, like pinching your skin very hard each time you get an erection. Would there be an...
A. 1 December 2011: I've been seeing therapists of all sorts for the last 10 years. But in this matter, nothing seems to help ... I've been suffering from a severe depression for a little over a year now, spending the last 10 months in a psychiatric daycare hospital. ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 30 November 2011: @Yos: You say "I've certainly heard from men with RJ who have used it as an excuse to be unfaithful. The 'logic' goes something like: 'since she was a slut, then I am justified in being one too', or something along those lines." I've been suff... (read in full...)
What's the right thing to do? Tell someone I think I might be depressed? Or keep it a secret. I keep wanting to sleep all the time.
Q. I have begun to sleep all of the time. I wake up at 8 and then go to school. I come back home, and go to sleep around 4 and wake up at 8 and over and over and over again. Also I started to stop eating very much. it's not like i just want to los...
A. 2 February 2011: I would talk to your general physician in the first place. They have checklists to make a diagnosis and they are objective. But more important: they can help you.
If you say you haven't felt happy for the last three months, I'd say you've been in ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 1 February 2011: I'm suffering from Retrograde jealousy myself (+/- 60 one night stands vs. this being my second relationship (and that's really all I had) ...)
It even lead to a major depression (this is not the first time I suffer from a depression, I know I h... (read in full...)
How do relationships turn out if one person is on medication and has depression?
Q. I am at a stage of life where I am not sure what to do. I am not in a relationship at the moment and I have never been approached by a woman ever. And I have been rejected a few times before. The question is...How do relationships often turn out if ...
A. 1 February 2011: I've been suffering from depressions for the last 15 years. I've taken SSRI's (the prozac-like drugs) and suffered from side effects very badly. At some point, I swore I would never take an antidepressant again.
I met a wonderful girl in one of m... (read in full...)
Need advice on sexual techniques??
Q. Hey everyone, This might sound a bit weird but here it goes. My boyfriend an I have been together 2 years now, I used to be good at woman on top sex position but now when we do it he takes ages to cum or I can't go fast enough. I thought maybe it...
A. 20 December 2010: There are big individual differences in how people react to what you are doing. For some people (me, for that matter), it even makes a big difference from day to day.
I assume, if you're talking about going fast enough, that you are always s... (read in full...)
I didn't get to sleep with her when she was a virgin!
Q. Dear reader, my question concerns a deep psychological anxiety which I suffer from. In my more rational moments I know that it is immature, petty and even silly. But we are human and often the chaos of the psyche escapes into the lived reality of ...
A. 17 December 2010: My previous girlfriend was a virgin when we met. She cheated on me, and moved straight from my apartment to the apartment of her new boyfriend (so I guess their affair had been going on for quite a while).
My current girlfriend has a really s... (read in full...)
Don't know how to hide the fact that I'm gay and not straight.
Q. Agony aunts and uncles, I am a gay teenager and I am having problems hiding it from everyone I know that I shouldn't have to hide myself but it's just too big news for now and I keep seeing hot guys and I stare from the corner of my eye and I do it ...
A. 14 August 2010: In Belgium we have associations where young gay people can meet and get help in dealing with exactly these issues.
I suppose they do exist in the UK as well. I think these are your best bet for now ...... (read in full...)
Does this virgin have the equipment to satisfy her?
Q. dear cupid, i've been going out with her for a month now. she has invited me to stay the night with her. but i'm nervous that my penis will not be big engouh for her. i'm 6inches when i'm erected and the girth is 1.5 and i have still got my forskin. ...
A. 14 August 2010: When I met my current GF, I had been single for 7 years. She ... well, that's quite a different story. I was inconfident; she, whith all her experience, was scared.
In the beginning sex was a disaster: I messed it up quite a few times, I needed a... (read in full...)
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