How can I deal with my friend going out with my ex?
Q. Hello agony aunts. I'm feeling depression,anger and jealousy all at the same time.The thing is my gf who i've been going out with for over 5 months just up and dumped me like i was nothing to her. She says i wasn't good enough for her. It truly ...
A. 8 October 2009: You got the best end of the deal. You may not think so right now but you did. You found out your ex-gf and bf were not who you thought them to be. Don't look the gift horse in the mouth. Get yourself out there. Have fun. You will find another ... (read in full...)
Where is the line when you're dating and heading further into your committment?
Q. Not another question about porn!? I'm looking for some specific advice on here, and I can't seem to find anything else online specific to what I'm dealing with. I've been dating my guy for two years now, and I'm pretty sure we're going to end up ...
A. 8 October 2009: You actually want to marry this guy? You need to read what you wrote because if this was your girl friend telling you this you would be asking the same question I am. Your need to control is deeply rooted. May I suggest you work on this first? ... (read in full...)
He is calling me chubby and it hurts
Q. My boyfriend who I have not been dating for very long tells me I'm a little fat around the midsection and rear section. This really hurt my feelings when he said this. We had just made love and he told me I was not fat just a little chubby an...
A. 8 October 2009: There is a difference between caring about a person's health and self-image and being critical. He was being critical. But, what matters is what you think. Do you think these things about yourself? I would speak to him about this. To some men ... (read in full...)
My husband and I always fighting about his adult children, and he also refuses to go to counselling. What should I do?
Q. help! when i married my husband, he had 3 grown children who are now 26, 29 and 30. they have not achieved as he would like and hold menial jobs though all are college educated. they don't accept his counsel or advice and often start disastrous ...
A. 8 October 2009: You let this happen. You and you alone. As I have said before that when the pain exceeds the gain you will make a change. Stop all this crap about the only one that could know your pain is someone that has walked in your shoes. Everyone on this ... (read in full...)
I'm trying to do the best for her and she's distancing herself from me
Q. Should I admit to seeing my partners writings and how can I deal with this? Recently my partner made a list of things she wanted. 1. To visit her family. (500 miles away) 2. To go on holiday abroad to the sea. 3. To move in to ...
A. 30 August 2009: You made a list of all the things that trouble you about your relationship with this woman. You agonize over ending the relationship. Why? Although you recognize that the relationship is give and take, by that I mean you give and she takes you ... (read in full...)
My husband and I always fighting about his adult children, and he also refuses to go to counselling. What should I do?
Q. help! when i married my husband, he had 3 grown children who are now 26, 29 and 30. they have not achieved as he would like and hold menial jobs though all are college educated. they don't accept his counsel or advice and often start disastrous ...
A. 26 August 2009: These are serious issues in a marriage. I can provide you coping strategies to help you through this until you feel strong enough to leave, but you need to look at your life as it is right now. This is truly an unhappy state to be in. You cannot ... (read in full...)
Commitment phobia boyfriend
Q. What am I supposed to do when my boyfriend (been together for 3 years, lived together 2 years) tells me that: - in order to be fun a relationsip must be commitment-free - he's not sure he's gonna love me forever because he might not like me in t...
A. 25 August 2009: Why are you so attached to him? It is normal to feel scared of being on your own after being in a "relationship" for five years. Things have changed over the years and so have you. Are you willing to settle for what he is offering - do you want ... (read in full...)
Cheating by texting....I need advice
Q. My husband and I have been married for over 4 years, we were together for 4 years before we got married. Across our marriage we have the normal peeks and valleys but i have always trusted him 100% in regards to being faithful to me. We still have ...
A. 25 August 2009: Your husband cheated on you. He used his phone to do it. Is it less cheating because the relationship didn't get physical? He cheated, he broke your bond of trust. Can you forgive him and move on with your marriage....this is the question. ... (read in full...)
Difficulties with my step children, how should I handle this?
Q. I have been remarried 5 years. I came to the marriage with 4 children and my husband has 2. His children are not involved in our family and very rarely come to see us. His daughter at one point( when kicked out of her bilogical mother's home) lived ...
A. 25 August 2009: Your husband's daughter is coming to visit. Your husband wants to re-establish his relationship with his daughter. You are uncomfortable since you have no idea what is going to happen. How is this visit going to turn out. The daughter hasn't ... (read in full...)
I'm stuck in a twisted love triangle with two of my best friends!
Q. I'm stuck in some kind of twisted love triangle with 2 of my best friends and I feel it's going to ruin all of our friendships but I don't know what to do. Me and Leanne* have been best friends since birth and Ste* is our closest boy friend, we'v...
A. 25 August 2009: You have a true friend in Leanne. She respected your feelings and acted accordingly by telling Ste that it would not be correct to be together. By her doing this you then expected that Ste would then turn his interest towards you since you have a ... (read in full...)
My husband and I always fighting about his adult children, and he also refuses to go to counselling. What should I do?
Q. help! when i married my husband, he had 3 grown children who are now 26, 29 and 30. they have not achieved as he would like and hold menial jobs though all are college educated. they don't accept his counsel or advice and often start disastrous ...
A. 25 August 2009: I have read your additional information regarding finances, his children and your children. Your letters are sincerely filled with sadness. To recap, the issues between you and your husband are his grown children, their lack of contribution to the ... (read in full...)
My husband and I always fighting about his adult children, and he also refuses to go to counselling. What should I do?
Q. help! when i married my husband, he had 3 grown children who are now 26, 29 and 30. they have not achieved as he would like and hold menial jobs though all are college educated. they don't accept his counsel or advice and often start disastrous ...
A. 24 August 2009: Your question addresses many issues. The first issue is that your husband sees his children as smart, beautiful and intelligent. Although the adult children are well-educated you perceive the children as non-achievers, stuck in menial jobs, ... (read in full...)
How do I talk to this unreasonable man?
Q. My boyfriend has really been upsetting me lately. The relationship is only new and he already expects me to start sharing sexual fantasies and thoughts with him...though I am not comfortable doing so because I am still a virgin and have never opened ...
A. 22 August 2009: You can not reason with an unreasonable person. Read this and reread it. It is a very simple sentence yet many people do not understand this very simple statement. When you try to reason with an unreasonable person you are attempting to put logic ... (read in full...)
I'm trying to do the best for her and she's distancing herself from me
Q. Should I admit to seeing my partners writings and how can I deal with this? Recently my partner made a list of things she wanted. 1. To visit her family. (500 miles away) 2. To go on holiday abroad to the sea. 3. To move in to ...
A. 21 August 2009: Hello Guy619, you know what to do....leave. When the pain of this relationship exceeds any gain you will leave. You will make a clean break of it. You recognize that you are in denial. You recognize that her behavior towards you is wrong. This ... (read in full...)
How do you feel about lending your partner money? My guy asked for £1,000 and I said no!
Q. My boyfriend of eight months has asked me to lend him £1000. He says he needs it to pay his landlord. He's generally an honest person but this came out of the blue and its a lot of money. I'd be happy to lend smaller amounts, but I'm currently ...
A. 20 August 2009: Incidentally, he most likely has already tapped out his close group of friends including his parents. THey know what he is all about! He's now working on you. Individuals such as your boyfriend do not discriminate as to who the next soft touch ... (read in full...)
How do you feel about lending your partner money? My guy asked for £1,000 and I said no!
Q. My boyfriend of eight months has asked me to lend him £1000. He says he needs it to pay his landlord. He's generally an honest person but this came out of the blue and its a lot of money. I'd be happy to lend smaller amounts, but I'm currently ...
A. 20 August 2009: Your boyfriend has made his problem your problem. Financial responsibility is not a trait that one acquires over night. He needs the money to pay his rent. He needs this same amount every month. He knows this. This is his personal financial ... (read in full...)
Married, slept with a women at work, am a wreck, what do I do?
Q. Met this women at work, we love to talk to eachother and we find eachother attractive, i've been married for ages and am in my 40s, shes 12 years younger. I've been resonably happily married, i always felt a little lonely, i love contact and inti...
A. 18 August 2009: Cobra have you not heard of "sexual harassment" in the workplace? I would strongly suggest that you cease and desist all communications immediately....especially e-mails. This would not be the first time that a male has been terminated from ... (read in full...)
The deadline for telling his wife has come and gone. How do I tell her anonymously?
Q. I have been carrying on an affair with a married man. He is going to leave his wife, I do believe that. The thing is, the original timeline for him leaving her has already come and gone. Circumstances have just naturally happened that have caused ...
A. 17 August 2009: I have to stop saying to myself....unbelievable. I have to stop shaking my head....I have to stop myself from being critical of this situation. Anonymous female, age 30-35 is pondering outing her married lover to his wife. There is another agenda ... (read in full...)
The deadline for telling his wife has come and gone. How do I tell her anonymously?
Q. I have been carrying on an affair with a married man. He is going to leave his wife, I do believe that. The thing is, the original timeline for him leaving her has already come and gone. Circumstances have just naturally happened that have caused ...
A. 17 August 2009: You want to know if it is okay to inform your lover's wife about you....anonymously....for two reasons...the first being the deadline to inform her has passed and secondly you are getting impatient with the lack of action on the part of your lover ... (read in full...)
What do you do if someone is giving you the silent treatment?
Q. What do you do if someone is giving you the silent treatment? I have told them I will not contact them again as they obviously dont want to speak to me, and I know I must not break my word now that i have said that or i would look stupid. but what ...
A. 14 August 2009: I agree that life is too short for this sort of behavior, people should be able to agree to disagree realizing that a friendship is about understanding the differences between one another. If a falling out occurs you would think the "norm" would be ... (read in full...)
What do you do if someone is giving you the silent treatment?
Q. What do you do if someone is giving you the silent treatment? I have told them I will not contact them again as they obviously dont want to speak to me, and I know I must not break my word now that i have said that or i would look stupid. but what ...
A. 13 August 2009: You don't say if the person giving you the silent treatment is male or female. Also, it appears that you have tried to make amends but to no avail. That aside, the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse and control with the sole purpose to ... (read in full...)
He keeps trying to get in contact with me!
Q. My ex left me for his colleague last year. Until now, we are friends (which I regret). I could not say no since I know that he have helped me a lot during my hard times. Recently, he said that his GF (the one whom he left me for) has moved to his ...
A. 13 August 2009: Have you never heard of the word "boundary"? Setting boundaries is just good common sense. You let people walk all over you by not having any boundaries. Example: your ex. He has a GF but he wants to still be friends with you. He emails you, ... (read in full...)
Update: I put myself out there and not I'm not sure if the shy guy likes me anymore! What now?
Q. please read my first entry [verification/log in code blocked]. it explains the background. I decided to take the advice I got and now I feel more confused. As I said in my last question, this guy is extremely shy. I have gone to two concerts wit...
A. 11 August 2009: Don't play games - it just makes things more confusing. Just ask him. Tell him in plain language "I like you", "I would like to see more of you".....wait for his answer. By this I mean tell him how you feel and then wait for him to speak. And ... (read in full...)
My husband won't stop his affair. He even tells me that they're still in touch!
Q. I have been married almost three years and just found out the end of November that my husband had a sexual affair with a ex girlfriend. It should also be noted that we dated before getting married since high school and he left me once before for ...
A. 10 August 2009: You know the answer, you just are afraid to act on it. File for divorce and move on with your life. Is this how you want to spend your time on earth? Mirrored in pain and trying to figure out why the man is doing what he's doing? Consider this ... (read in full...)
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