A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:My boyfriend of eight months has asked me to lend him £1000. He says he needs it to pay his landlord. He's generally an honest person but this came out of the blue and its a lot of money. I'd be happy to lend smaller amounts, but I'm currently unemployed. He's now upset with me because I said I'd lend it to him and now I'm worried I might need it myself. What's the general stance on lending friends/partners money. I feel very bad but at the same time, he has a close knit group of friends (who he's known for over 10 years) and parents he could have asked. On the one hand, maybe he feels a lot of trust in me and too much pride to ask the others. On the other, I'm not exactly in any position to lend money of that amount.
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female
reader, goodwoman  +, writes (20 August 2009):
Incidentally, he most likely has already tapped out his close group of friends including his parents. THey know what he is all about! He's now working on you. Individuals such as your boyfriend do not discriminate as to who the next soft touch will be. Their goal is to attain money....these good friends and family are probably aware of his game and are not playing it anymore. If he continues to have his "private hissy fit" over his lack of financial control ditch the boyfriend. There are many, many, many great guys out there - financially stable ones included!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): I agree with everyone else, don't lend it to him. I question his integrity for even asking. You might be more careful in the future to "pay attention" to what else he may start asking you for. Asking you to bail him out of trouble can easily develop into a pattern. One that is hard if not impossible to break. I geuss I am old fashioned because I believe that a "real man" would never ask a girlfriend for money.
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A
female
reader, goodwoman +, writes (20 August 2009):
Your boyfriend has made his problem your problem. Financial responsibility is not a trait that one acquires over night. He needs the money to pay his rent. He needs this same amount every month. He knows this. This is his personal financial responsibility to meet this monthly bill...not yours. This is not your bill, this is not your responsibility. This isn't an emergency....these are "his" monthly obligations. You need to take the emotion out of this equation. If he wasn't your boyfriend would you be agonizing over your decision? If you help him out who is going to help you out if you can't then meet your monthly obligations such as rent, food, utilities, etc.? Then there is the issue of paying you back. How can he pay you back when he doesn't even have the money to pay his own rent? If he continues to be angry with you - and not respect your decision then you have been fortunate to learn this early on in your relationship. Someone that doesn't have his/her financial house in order most likely doesn't have anything else in order either - the stability just isn't there. Chalk this up to experience and move on - luckily with your money.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 August 2009):
 Is it me, or there is indeed a big red flag here?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (19 August 2009):
 I agree with everyone's good advice so far. Tell him that you said you'd lend him the money because you care about him, but upon doing an assessment of your finances and the fact that you are unemployed, the cold hard fact is that you simply do not have it to lend. You don't owe him any more explanation than that. What I'm trying to give you are the words to break it to him that you will not be writing him a cheque.
Tell him you'll help him economize by finding free or very inexpensive entertainment for the two of you, and you can cook meals in as well.
But I agree with Denny that "lending" that kind of money to a friend or relative is not a good idea unless you can tolerate it being a gift. And rhythmandblues is right about the red flags being raised by this kind of request so soon into the relationship.
Oh, and if he breaks up with you over this, breathe a huge sigh of relief for not having wasted any more time with him. I too can't believe he's got the nerve to ask an unemployed girlfriend for such a huge amount of cash. He isn't by any chance a long distance boyfriend, is he?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): I am with Denny and others on this, I wouldn't lend him that kind of money, you don't have it to give.
I think it is pretty questionable that he would be angry over something that is HIS responsibility, to pay his own rent.
Eight months is not all that long to be dating someone, it is not like you plan to marry and have an engagement and you are working on common goals, I think this is a big red flag waving in the wind for you about his character and his ability to take resposibility for his own feelings, about how he will take care of you in the future and the fact that he seems pretty damn self centered to ask an unemployed girlfriend to pay his rent for him!!!!!!!! It's down right nutty on his part.
I would pay attention to this as you evaluate him and your relationship.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, kittykhaos +, writes (19 August 2009):
 Don't do it i have a shot credit rating ccj's out my ears and creditors at my door every day because i lent my b/f money. Over the course of our 4 and 1/2 year relationship he bled me dry and now im left with the conciquences while has a clean credit rating and a nice flat in the centre of brighton. if he wants the money he can ask his family. DON'T DO IT!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): That's an enormous amount of money for someone who is unemployed. How on earth does he expect to pay you back?
Don't do it unless you can live without getting it back. And I'd really be wondering about this chap.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): Hi I'm in a relationship where my boyfriend is out of work and depends on me for money! - I don't mind helping him with the odd £10/£20 etc as I LOVE him, but now its got to the point where he kind of expects me to help him out all the time!! - So be careful - as you could end up thinking "Does he love me or my wallet?"!!
However, if you love him and feel you would do anything to help him - go ahead - but be careful - especially if you are unemployed!
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