A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend who I have not been dating for very long tells me I'm a little fat around the midsection and rear section. This really hurt my feelings when he said this. We had just made love and he told me I was not fat just a little chubby and I had cellulite. I wanted to cry and did when he wasn't around. He keeps bringing this up saying can you have medication to fix this ? I told him that thier is no meds for it you have to get like plastic surgery and that cost lots of money. (He is from another country) so maybe he thinks you can just fix this or women there don't have this problem. I tried to tell him lots of women have cellulite in fact most women have somesort of it somewhere maybe not as bad as me then he said his sister didn't and this hurt my feelings more. What should I do to let him know this hurts me ? Dose anybody think he is being a jerk my friend dose. I don't know maybe I am really fat to him but then why would he sleep with me ? Any advice on this matter would help. Thanks this has gotten me really down lately.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): Hi this is from me the "Original Poster" Thanks so much for all your words of encouragment and for the anonymous writer that wrote Oct. 8 "tell him you learned how to loose 100 pounds of problem fat and kick him to the curb " lol ! That was hilarious thanks for making me laugh :)
I need to have more confidance about myself and you guys all helped out alot. to answer some of your questions He is from Central America and is supper skinny himself so maybe he needs to eat more lol ! I told him this yesterday when he said I needed to exercize then I said kiss my chubby American booty anyways he takes this as a joke but everytime he says something about my weight i'll saysomething back about his looks thanks good Idea Highjacked dignity.
Also for Confuzzled012 I know if I work out I can loose weight but thier is no cure for cellulite, maybe a plastic surgen but I don't have that kind of money. My guy thinks thier is some over the counter remedy thats going to work when thier is not. I am a size 10 but before was a 14 so I have lost some weight my meds at the time made me bigger but I take another kind now. Anyways after that my cellulite that I always had a little got worse bummer but I think I'm going to start working out for myself so thanks everybody agian for your kind words :)
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (8 October 2009):
 Out of interest, which country is he from?
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A
male
reader, Im Just Cliffy  +, writes (8 October 2009):
Be confident with yourself and with your looks. To me, this just seems like he is being a big jerk about a situation that doesn't need it.
Tell him that you don't appreciate it when he says hurtful comments like that, and not to compare you to other women, he is not with them, he is with you. You hold plenty of strings in a relationship, if he loves and wants to be with you, he will respect your wishes upon this subject, if he doesn't maybe taking a small break from him would be good.
Lovers should be supportive of one another on a subject like this, or any subject similar to it. I hope my words have helped, don't get yourself down because of this, its not his place to make fun of you and it does not help a relationship at all to be mean or harsh about it. He should think more about it, if he is a different nationality he has to realise, things are not the same for people from different countries (figuring wherever he comes from its apparently alright to tell your loved one that they are overweight and need medical attention, which you do not, honestly, having "some" extra weight around the body is healthy.), and you need to tell him this.
Good luck in the future, and thanks for reading.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (8 October 2009):
 Guys have this tendency that they can pick and choose flaws in women, yet they'll go to bed with whatever will sleep with them. So don't let the fact that you two have sex dismiss his behavior. There are a few things that you have to ask consider with this situation.
Are you actually chubby? I mean every girl (at least all the normal ones) has a little bit of cellulite around the edges. People with average BMI's really aren't super skinny, they have just the right amount on them. Now the other question you have to ask yourself is if you're boyfriend's fat. Or does he have any flaws. If he keeps bringing this up in a rude manner, maybe you should start telling him what to change about himself too. It's one thing to suggest that you both exercise together, but it's another to constantly be ragging on someone about something that might be a little less than perfect.
So that being said, no matter if you do have a bit of extra to love, are you comfortable in your own skin? Do you like how you look disregarding what he says? If you are perfectly comfortable with how you are, and he is still being physical with you, then just forget what he says. If he continues to bring it up, snap back with a rude comment of your own. No one is perfect, so I think you'll be able to find something about him. Though if you want to lose weight and you find that you might need to, do it for you! Not for him.
Again, it's one thing for a partner to bring up something that they might not like, but it's another to be constantly bringing the other person down all the time with a rude demeanor. The way he's going about things is a jerk thing to do. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): Tell him you've discovered how to loose 100 pounds of problem fat and kick his ass to the curb.
This guy is an asshole and you don't need someone hurting your feelings and killing your sole. If you stay with this child-boy, you're going to be seriously wounded. Our lovers should love us AS-IS... and not gut us with harsh words. It's time that Mr "I'm not from here, and in my country we treat women like shit" to find some one who likes this kind of treatment. maybe his mother can help him...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): yes he does sound like a jerk hun, and you sound a little low in self esteem because of it, no one has the right to call you names like that and yes there are plenty of woman who have weight issues.
its takes a very shallow man to make something of it a hurt your feelings and not care, tell him how you feel,hear his reaction and make your choice.
IS HE WORTH IT
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A
female
reader, goodwoman +, writes (8 October 2009):
There is a difference between caring about a person's health and self-image and being critical. He was being critical. But, what matters is what you think. Do you think these things about yourself? I would speak to him about this. To some men it matters about the physical appearance of their mate. To other men it does not, they see the whole picture - the entire person and as such would say something in a kind and loving manner. Such as...."I love you and care for you, you are beautiful in many ways and I would like to help you lose the bit of extra weight around your mid-section because it can cause high blood pressure and heart disease." Most of all he would not say this right after making love. Do I think your bf is insensitive? Yes. He will not change. Do you want to stay with this? Make some changes in your own life and you will see that a person such as this will not be as attractive to you and you will naturally be attracted to a man that is more kind, considerate and understanding. Love yourself first, take care of "your" health and most of all do it for you. I had to look at your age....you are young and deserve so much more in a relationship and have so much life to live, don't waste it on this crap. Dump the guy, take care of yourself, don't be so quick into the sack with a guy. There's a lot to be said about being friends first, the sex is better too. Is the guy a jerk? Yes. This trait knows no nationality....jerks abound in the world. Lose the bf and take care of you.
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A
male
reader, Confuzzled012 +, writes (8 October 2009):
 What? What do you mean all you can do is plastic surgery? There is excersize.. and eating well..
Anyway..
Yes he's being a jerk. He's being a jerk, that is, if you're telling is the whole story. That he just randomly brings it up and shoves it in your face. But if you are asking him what he thinks and he is responding with truth, then he is just being honest with you and telling you that although he loves you, he would be more attracted to you if you lost a little weight.
But if he just says it at random times with no cause.. then yes, mean.
And as far as telling him it hurts you, that's really simple. And if you can't figure that out, then i'm afraid you have very poor communication in your relationship. All you have to say is
"hey hon, can we talk about my weight? I just want you to know that when you tell me i'm chubby and ask me to fix myself, it really hurts my feelings. I really wish you'd stop."
You should not be hiding your feelings from him like that. Don't cry when he leaves; cry right then and there. That way he has a clue how his words and actions affect you. You can't leave him in the dark thinking he's not doing anything to hurt you and then be mad that he is, and talk about what a jerk he is to your friends. The relationship has to work both ways. He's gutsy enough to tell you you're chubby, yet you can't even let him know that makes you sad.
Just work on relaying your feelings to him. A relationship really isn't a realtionship without communication.
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