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*illi b agony aunt

*illi b

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I lied to her and she won't forgive me...

Q.   i don't know how to say this without sounding like a shallow a-hole... but my girlfriend and i got in a fight because i lied to her, today i bought her flowers and a card but she still hasn't forgiven me(can't say i blame her) but her frien...

A.   18 October 2007: Your girlfriend's friend needs to keep out of this. It is between the two of you and for the two of you, alone, to sort out. Why did you lie? What lie did you tell? What was your motivation? Perhaps your girlfriend cannot forgive you, or ... (read in full...)

My mother really gets under my skin - what can I do about her?

Q.   An uncle of mine very recently died quickly (it took 3 weeks from diagnosis)of cancer. Although from England, he was in his 60s, living in France and doing up a house to sell-on. As a family member I was pleased he kept in touch by email as few m...

A.   16 October 2007: Speak to your mum and tell her how you feel and express the distress you feel specifically about the comments about your uncle. It may not be helpful to bring up the whole family rift thing as it could end up in total war between you but you are an ... (read in full...)

Should I try to get back with him or should I move on?

Q.   My boyfriend of 16months broke up a month ago, it was a long distance relationship and we saw each other about every 3weeks and talked everyday for about an hour about everything! The reason for us breaking up is he found it had gotten too hard with ...

A.   16 October 2007: Why was this a long distance relationship? Did one of you move away or was it always this way? I can understand it feeling difficult to sustain a relationship at a distance particularly as your feelings grow and deepen and it feels like per... (read in full...)

She supposedly likes me, but she doesn't pay much attention to me!

Q.   Whats the deal with this girl? I heard from her friend that she likes me, and she will often msg me and ask whats up, etc. But whenever I ask her if she wants to hang out she says she has plans, the odd times we do hang out,she doesn't really p...

A.   2 October 2007: Sounds to me like classic teenage girl behaviour. She is scared to expose her interest perhaps out of fear of rejection or because she wants to look cool in front of her friends. She may like you and feel scared to look to keen or she may just... (read in full...)

How big an age gap is too big?

Q.   Just a quick question. With age gaps how big a age gap do you think is to big? My friend is dating a man who is 55, she is 28. He smokes like a chimney, drinks too much (his eyes are yellow shot) and flirts with other women, he has a live in partner ...

A.   2 October 2007: Well ultimately it is her choice isn't it? Why is 15 years or 20 years an ok age difference but 27 years not ok? The problem doesn't really lie in the age difference (although as I have responded in a different question on this issue, I personal... (read in full...)

Big Age Gap

Q.   I have feelings for a female at work,but I am 52 and she is 29.Is this too much of an age difference? How would I tell if there is any interest on her part?...

A.   29 September 2007: For me personally, I would find this slightly too much of an age gap as I would prefer to build a relationship with someone who will 'get it' when I refer to old tv programmes, music, political events etc that I have lived through but that is my ... (read in full...)

I think I am depressed

Q.   I think I am depressed.. I get upset over the littlest things, always crying about anything n everything... when I get upset I either eat loads(and I have gained loads weight) or eat nothing (terrible stretch marks from putting weight on n off)...

A.   29 September 2007: See someone and soon. Depression is serious but can be sorted. Has something happened to trigger these feelings? If so this could be something called reactive depression and can be cleared up quite quickly possibly with medication. There are ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend can't hold down a job... he gets angry and sullen and blames everyone but himself!

Q.   Please help. I really need some advice. My boyfriend can't hold down a job. He'll stay a couple of months at a job at the most. Basically he splits as soon as he has a conflict at work, he gets all upset and angry and instead of talking about it or ...

A.   28 September 2007: I think you have answered this question yourself. Your core values include personal responsibility and in fact most adults believe that we have to take personal responsibility for our actions and our day to day responsibilities. Your boyfrien... (read in full...)

I like him a lot but scared he will like the prettier girls! What should I do?

Q.   Ok, so there is this boy in my class who I really like. He likes me too, but he also like the new student in our class. She is from Cuba, and although I wouldn't consider her much prettier than me, she is wayyy more "developed" than me, or anyone ...

A.   28 September 2007: I'm not sure that dating this boy will help you. At the moment you are good friends, why not leave it like this? If you remain friends rather than get into the dating thing with this boy you will continue a relationship that can build over a long ... (read in full...)

Is my bf gay?

Q.   So, I have been dating my boyfriend for a couple of months and I am thinking he is gay. (My gay-dar is perked, my friends think he is gay, and the sex thing...he loses his erection, can't come, and seems to prefer doing it from behind- just certain ...

A.   28 September 2007: I am assuming that when your boyfriend spoke about his 're-programming' at the hands of his father that his words didn't include that he denied his 'gayness'. This isn't easy as some of the things you describe certainly sounds as if he may be ... (read in full...)

SITE NEWS: Wanted, your ideas for features and improvements!

Q.   Hi I'm looking to get some input from everyone on what you'd like to see on the site. How can I make it easier to use? What new features would you like to see? Any annoyances or bugs you'd like to fix? Can I make the moderati...

A.   28 September 2007: I agree with things said, it would certainly be good to see individual feedback on the other hand I wouldn't want it to prevent people from giving honest feedback. Answers being listed on the page as they are rated might be good though if everyone ... (read in full...)

How do I let this guy down gently?

Q.   Here's my situation. We've been a couple for one week, and already my boyfriend is planning our marriage! First date, he transitioned from "I'm so dating into the right family" to "I'm so marrying into the right family." At first I thought I heard ...

A.   25 September 2007: I feel that a number of answers here are telling you that he is either a psycho or that you should stay (or at least talk about staying) because he is a rare find. Nothing wrong with anything there but ultimately they all concentrate on HIM & HIS ... (read in full...)

Is it normal for a guy to "babe watch" even being committed?

Q.   Is it normal for the guys to go out and " babe watch" even if the guy is in a committed relationship? also, why does it upset so much when he looks at other women? should I tell him how I feel? of should I just let him look and say nothing?...

A.   22 September 2007: I think it would be naive to believe that we don't look at attractive people even when we are in committed relationships. Do you never look at attractive men? It doesn't mean we are keen to jump into bed with another person or about to dump this ... (read in full...)

I was told I was a Psycho just like his ex girlfriends - What do I do as this has me really upset and I feel so hurt.

Q.   I told my boyfriend that I was not happy about him going into a strip club in Prague on a stagnite, I didn't say don't go, I said I wasn't happy as a reply from him I was told I was a Psycho just like his ex girlfriends - What do I do as this has me ...

A.   22 September 2007: For starters, you are NOT as psycho - chances are his ex girlfriends weren't either. It is amazing how many people deflect attention from unacceptable behaviour by name calling and how often we believe them or allow that to put a halt to our ... (read in full...)

Tonight my ex (who I care about more than anyone) told me how she slept with a guy we were talking to today for a one night stand...

Q.   Well as I post this I just suffered a terrible night. Tonight my ex (who I care about more than anyone) told me how she slept with a guy we were talking to today for a one night stand, and she told me that I mean everything to her and am her best ...

A.   22 September 2007: I am sorry to hear you had a terrible night. Little or no sleep will not help how you feel. This girl is your ex and is therefore free to have new relationships and even one night stands if she wishes. What is not clear is why she feels she must... (read in full...)

Should I confront her about the secret texts and emails?

Q.   My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years. When she came to live with me she had just left her ex (we knew each other prior to our getting together). She is the type of person who keeps lots of friends, and thinks nothing of the fact that ...

A.   21 September 2007: Is she being disrespectful? She is being friendly with old friends who happen to be male but is she flirting - or put that another way - if these were old friends who happened to be female would you think she was flirting and being disrespectful? ... (read in full...)

He is never very affectionate.

Q.   I know my bf loves me alot but he doesnt seem to want to be affectionate towards me... for eg, he doesnt want to stroke me to slp (if I asked him to... esp since I dont sleep easily) or a massage if my body's aching. He's ever ready to make out with ...

A.   21 September 2007:  I think that the real issue here is communication. If he simply will not communicate then this is what sits at the heart of your problem. If you are unable to communicate - at any time - without defensiveness or name calling - then I think th... (read in full...)

Friend or enemy

Q.   Well I have a friend who is the same age as me (20) and we fell out because she couldn't stay round mine. She called me a bad mum and that she was embarresed to hang around with me because im slightly bigger than her.. Recently we made up and ever ...

A.   18 September 2007: This is not a friend of yours. If she was a friend she would not care what size you were - unless she feared for your health or believes you to be unahppy and wants to support you. This 'friend' would not flirt with your boyfriend because she ... (read in full...)

I havnt been able to orgasm with my boyfriend through penetration and its become a problem in our relationship. What can I do to make our sex life better?

Q.   I'm a 24 years old. Me and my boyfriend are having sex for 5 months once a week at least. I never had vaginal orgasm before, I can have clitoral orgasm on my own or with partner. When my boyfriend learned I can not reach orgasm by only penetration ...

A.   18 September 2007: It is quite normal for women not to be able to climax through penetrative sex. Even women who do, often rely on extra clitoral stimulation either with his body (often best with you on top) or with his or your hand. Some men enjoy and feel aroused ... (read in full...)

I want the man I can't have and don't want the man I married!

Q.   My husband and I have pretty much had problems since day one. In fact, probably since before we were even married. Right now he's off in Iraq (don't worry, his job isn't anything remotely dangerous), and I feel like I like my life better without him ...

A.   18 September 2007: I agree with most of what has been said. What I find encouraging about your attitude is that nowhere within your dilemma have you mentioned how the other man feels. Too many people consider other people when making decisions. I think what you... (read in full...)

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