A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I told my boyfriend that I was not happy about him going into a strip club in Prague on a stagnite, I didn't say don't go, I said I wasn't happy as a reply from him I was told I was a Psycho just like his ex girlfriends - What do I do as this has me really upset and I feel so hurt.
View related questions:
ex girlfriend, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (22 September 2007):
 in all fairness, a stagnight compromises of two things, alcohol and naked women. unfortunately tht is natures way and the reason he replies in such a nasty manner was he probably felt guilty because he was there and he knew you were upset about it. the second he told you he was going on a stagnight you should have realised, it doesn't mean he's going to do anything in the strip club, granted he'll enjoy it, what man wouldn't?
you need to take a time out and realise that men say all kinds of things to get back at you for ruining his night out/holiday. he doesn't want to hurt just, piss you off a little and it's worked, so instead of having a blazing row, let it go because he'll have forgotten he even said it (it doesn't justify it and you can say it upset you because you need to be the bigger person.
good luck
A
female
reader, Gemini1506 +, writes (22 September 2007):
He's the one with the problem not you
if soinds like he ent worth it
x
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (22 September 2007):
 Which type does he see you as. Someone who lacks empathy or conscience, maybe someone who has poor impulse control or manipulative behavior. It he called you one, he must know which definition applies to you.
Now, let's look at his behavior. He has a girl at home and just has to go to a strip club. I can't figure people out. You have a girl you can touch and hold and choose to go somewhere that the bouncers will beet you up and throw you out if you tried to do that there. If you didn't feel OK with him going, he should have respected your wishes.
Which upset you more, being called a Psycho or being compared to his ex-girlfriends. I would ask him if comparing you means that's pre-determined to be the outcome of your relationship as well. Both calling you the name and comparing you are inappropriate. I'd tell him you were hurt by his comments. You know it's real bad when all you bring up was the strip club, and he chose to hurt you for doing so. It's not right. That would be kind of the same as right before sex you said, "dang, my ex was bigger." Sorry bad comment. People like that really get under my skin. He definitely needs to give you more respect. If I (slipped) and said something like that. I'd expect myself to apologize with a dozen roses, and candle lit dinner. I'd even wash my own mouth out with soap.
I know relationships sometimes get difficult. But at minimum, demand respect from the person you're with. You deserve to be happy and that begins with respect.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lilli b +, writes (22 September 2007):
 For starters, you are NOT as psycho - chances are his ex girlfriends weren't either. It is amazing how many people deflect attention from unacceptable behaviour by name calling and how often we believe them or allow that to put a halt to our argument.
After all, by calling you a psycho for making a perfectly reasonable comment, you are left high and dry - you have to accept his behaviour or risk becoming another 'ex - psycho girlfriend'.
I think the strip club has ceased to be the issue here, however, you might find it reassuring to have a chat with some of the other girlfriends of the stag party and in particular the bride to be - how does she feel about her 'stag' visiting a strip club so close to their wedding? It might be that these women can reassure you but ultimately your response is the response that is true to you and your core values.
I believe that the real issue here is that your boyfriend called you a psycho instead of providing a reasonable response which would be to reassure you or agree not to go if it would upset you as he would not want to jeopardise the relationship over something like this.
But it seems he is prepared to risk the relationship. How does that make you feel? If he calls you names when you challenge his behaviour once what will stop him from continuously doing so? How unacceptable does his behaviour need to be for you to stand up for yourself?
You should feel upset and hurt - anyone would - and you need to ask yourself what are the implications of me accepting his behaviour? My feeling is that if you accept it this time, you are building a future of more of the same.
You can try talking to him when you are both calm and tell him what it is that has upset you about both the visit to the club and the name calling and give him the opportunity to apologise and provide a more adult response. If he is unable to then I would really question the relationship.
Don't be prepared to settle for anything less than you deserve. Of course all relationships require a degree of compromise but it feels like in this relationship it will be you making all the compromises and if you don't you will be labelled or dumped.
I think you are worth much much more
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): Well this guy is just being horrible to you and has no respect for you. Any loving boyfriend would totally understand how inappropriate it is to go to a stripbar if he is in a relationship. That is something he shouldn't have even considered doing, in my opinion. He should have known better. And then to try to justify his inappropriate behavior he turns around and blames it on you saying that you are the one being irrational. That you are psycho?? That is foul. That is just him trying to justify his own actions. If anyone is out of line it is him, not you. But clearly that is not something he is going to admit. So he blames you instead. What a jerk.
Well don't buy his story or his justification. That is what he wants you to do. He is trying to deceive you into beleiving that you are the one that is "wrong" here and not him. But that is not true in the least. So don't believe him. And don't be weak and pathetic and let him get away with this. If I were you I would just not talk to him anymore. What he has done is foul. I would avoid him for a long time. Just be classy about it and don't say anything (I repeat, DON'T SAY ANYTHING! Don't say "hey I'm breaking up with you" or "hey you really hurt me" or "if you go it's over" Just don't say anything! NOTHING. Be mysterious. Don't let him in on what you are thinking). Just let him do his thing and don't call him or answer his calls. Be strong. When he sees that you didn't buy his story and that you knew that he was wrong and you stick by your guns about it by avoiding him and making him think that it is over, he is going to panic. And I guarantee you that he is going to feel so bad. He is going to come back crying to you apologizing profusely for treating you that way and for doing that to you.
But if you let him get away with it, and are like "oh ok, well maybe I am being psycho/irrational, ok well go to the strip, I will still love you tomorrow." If you do that he is going to walk all over you. Be strong. Dump him. And make him come crying back to you. Don't call him.
If it is any consolation, my bf dumped me about two weeks ago, he too has been kind of walking all over me, and I have had to be so strong. I haven't called him. I am keeping real busy. But I will not answer his calls till I get what I want. I want him to beg. And he finally called yesterday. I was so excited. But I didn't answer.
All I am saying is that if you are strong, they will come back, and the time without them will give you time to clear your head and gain some perspective and it will also give him time to realise how special you are and that he is a jerk. And when he does come back, you will have the upperhand which is something that it seems you have lost in this relationship. So do it.
...............................
|
