A
female
age
51-59,
*radu8
writes:Is it normal for the guys to go out and " babe watch" even if the guy is in a committed relationship? also, why does it upset so much when he looks at other women? should I tell him how I feel? of should I just let him look and say nothing? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, gradu8 +, writes (22 September 2007):
gradu8 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you for your advice. I agree that it is disrespectful and it does hurt me. And I do want someone that can love me the way that I love him. if its not reciprocal, what is the point? but I cant leave him.....I am so in love with him....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): My husband does not look at other women at all. If his friends want to go hang out, he won't because we have a baby & I am pregnant & he thinks it unfair to leave me home alone with the baby. From your photo, you are so beautiful. Your boyfriend should be talking about marriage before talking about buying a home with you. This makes me wonder if he wants you to buy a home with him just to make it easier financially on him. Listen, I know how you feel, you love him & don't feel like looking at other men. This is the way my man feels about me & I him. You do deserve a man that worships you in a way that prooves you are the only one for him. When people say it's normal for guys to do that in a way that is obvious to you, that is not normal at all & I don't know where they get off saying that. It is rude & disrespectful & it is hurting you & you deserve better. I know it's easier said than done, but I would go find a real gentleman. There are still some around these days! And you are beautiful so don't ever let anyone make you feel inferior.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): I suppose its normal, but not so obviously that you notice it..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): You should have a go at the babe watch comment, that's very out of order.
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A
female
reader, gradu8 +, writes (22 September 2007):
gradu8 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your help. My boyfriend does not oggle other women in front of me, but I have caught him looking a little too long. when he sees that I have caught him he usually corrects his behavior. He is very discreet in my company. But I do know that when he is with his guy friends he babe watches, this bothers me for two reasons, one, I feel as though he may be looking for someone else and two I feel disrespected. Does he not love me as much as I love him?
He says he loves me and we have plans for the future, you know, build a house, grow old together, but still no proposal for marriage. I think the next time I catch him checking out another woman, I will tell him that I feel disrespected. I only have eyes for him, does he not fell the same way?
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A
female
reader, Emaz help  +, writes (22 September 2007):
 You shouldn't worry at all
it's quite normal, really
just tell him how you feel about it though, maybe he'll then keep his thoughts in his head.
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A
female
reader, gradu8 +, writes (22 September 2007):
gradu8 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice.....My boyfriend doesn't really oggle other women in my company but I have busted him checking women out, he is very discreet about it and he tries to play it off when he sees that I have caught him. But I know that when he is with his guy friends, they do babe watch. It bothers me because I am afraid he is looking for someone else maybe he wants someone prettier. and I feel disrespected. I really love him and he says he really loves me. We have plans for the future, we want to buy a house together, we talk about growing old together, but still no promise of marriage. I love him so much that I dont even think of other men. does he not love me the same way? it seems like it if he is babe viewing.
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (22 September 2007):
 Guys are visual creatures - we like to look at things that are pleasing to the eye.
That being said, there's also a respectful way of "babe watching". Let your guy know that you notice when he's checking out other women and you don't particularly like it. Let him know that if he's gonna look (and he is), do it discreetly. That way, it sets boundaries for him when he wants to check out the next pretty young thang walking by - but also lets him know that you're not just griping at him. Compromise, right?
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): its just rude and contrary to what lilib says it is not always about insecurity...in fact I would say that a secure woman is the one who believes she deserves better than a man who blatantly oggles other women....its the insecure ones who think they should just put up with it because they desrev no better...stand by your beliefs ...your too good for this...tell him to shape up or ship out...and find a man who knows how to respect the beautiful woman he has rather than always looking elsewhere
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A
female
reader, Lilli b +, writes (22 September 2007):
 I think it would be naive to believe that we don't look at attractive people even when we are in committed relationships. Do you never look at attractive men? It doesn't mean we are keen to jump into bed with another person or about to dump this relationship in order to sample some of the goodies on offer.What is it you fear about your partner looking? Do you worry he will take it further or do you think it reflects on how he feels about you (looking for a better model perhaps?)Sometimes it is our own insecurities that make something like this a problem. If you are sure of yourself, have a good self esteem and believe that your partner is lucky to have you then you won't feel so threatened by his looking.However, I do think whilst it is human to look, it is disrespectful to blatantly do so in the company of our partner's. I don't think you should keep quiet as it will eat away at you and ultimately feed any insecurities you may have.First of all examine what it is that bothers you? And really dig deep - be honest with yourself, do you believe that you are a real catch?- because you are. If it is your insecurities that are at the heart of your discomfort then you can address it in this way.Once you understand what it is that bothers you, you can approach your partner. You might say, I realise it is my own insecurities that make me unhappy with you looking at other women but I don't like it so while I work on my insecurities can you try not looking so much when you are in my company - chances are he doesn't even realise he's doing it. Or you can simply say - I don't mind you looking but can you try not to do so in my company as I feel disrespected by it (or whatever it is that bothers you)You can't change his behaviour but he should know how you feel and if you don't express it, your feelings will grow and become a barrier and cause of arguments within your relationship. Sometimes fears are unfounded but because we leave them to fester we end up causing the thing we fear the most.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (22 September 2007):
 Yes it's normal for men to look at other women. Just as it's normal for women to look at other women too. It's normal for you to get upset also. You think he's comparing to you, when he is not doing that. Women have been looked at as a symbol of beauty long before any of us were here.
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