A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 24 years old. Me and my boyfriend are having sex for 5 months once a week at least. I never had vaginal orgasm before, I can have clitoral orgasm on my own or with partner. When my boyfriend learned I can not reach orgasm by only penetration he tried to touch my clit and make me come. he still does it sometimes but most of the time it's he comes and sex is over in a short time and I understand nothing from it. I love my boyfriend and we have no other relationship problem and he loves me too but I think he is a little lazy. he says all his x girlfriends could reach orgasm with only penetration. he does not wait the same for me but he doesnt show more efforts too. So about my question, firstly is it wrong for me to wait for an orgasm when he has one? I feel neglected sometimes for this reason or like a sex maniac. second well I know some woman can't orgasm with penetration but is there a way I can make it work somehow, study something? Also my boyfriend dont want me to touch myself to help me coming he says it's weird that he doesnt do anything and I come on my own. but he really doesnt do anything I guess. How can I talk to him without offending him? We tried to talk some but it always ends bad, I start crying etc becuz I'm so sensitive and he feels worse. I think this whole situation is because it's weird to him, he never had this problem with ex. Also he never did oral sex me, I am afraid he does not enjoy it like I do. He once said we may be not meant for each other at bed but ok in real life but I enjoy sex alot normally. What can I do to make our sex life better?
View related questions:
oral sex, orgasm, sex life, vagina Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): I cannot orgasm through penetrative sex....well I thought I couldnt. Im in a pretty similar situation to you, 24 and have been seeing someone for about 4-5 months. I have never been able to come during sex because I masturbated since I was four years old! My body and mind have become so accustomed to it being a solo act that I find it difficult to hand over the control to another person. I studied this and have discovered its all psychological, there's nothing wrong with me.
I think the problem here is you need more help from your partner. I came the other night twice during sex in the spoon position which allowed me to touch myself while feeling inner stimulation, for the first time i totally let go and felt the orgasm come from my feet and take over my whole body!! Lol. I know now that it can only get better and better untill I dont have to stimulate myself.....if it wasnt for my boyfriend being so eager to help me come it wouldnt have happened. You need to tell him that you need to experiment with him. its not the end of your relationship, its the beginning! Your both doubting it because your in unfamiliar territory, trust eachother, av a fiddle and all is well!
x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): he's either selfish or dumb.
if selfish, walk NOW. It won't get better and he selfish people are Selfish. Not in bed, but in life. Do you want kids and be the only up at feeding time? how about a guy the kiss you when he has a cold-- someone gave me strep, knowing they had an infection but he needed to be cuddled-- I woke up with him kissing me cause he throat hurt.
dumb-- train him or leave him at the pound.
Oral, you get what you give. don't hold out and play games, either he believes that or you walk.
Girls fake-- it stupid and ruin a guy for all of us.
Listen to RCN-- he's a man. If you're guy isnt turned on by your pleasure, why is he dating you?
For you, it may never happen the way the movie show-- they have 30 seconds and are misleading. Also, Freud vaginal orgasm were adult and clitoral ones were for little girls: point of this factoid, you're fighting centries of male properganda packaged as medical fact. Freud also thought Cocain was not addictive and the best way to get to your inner thoughts. Know your source.
Dr. Ruth, old, cheesy, but wise.
...............................
A
female
reader, sweetlilpeachx69  +, writes (20 September 2007):
close your eyes for a moment think about this man and yourself and how much love you have for him then open them and keep concentrating and it should eventually happen
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): I can't speak for all women but when I am top is the only way I can orgasm. And it usually takes me on average 2 minutes. I can't orgasm any other way though. Have you tried that??
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): All you guys have said that he has to do oral sex on her, well if you read the woman post properly she said he dosen't LIKE doing oral sex on her and dosen't do it. Well I'd say too you that you got to tell him your not getting much pleasure out of sex and you feel he's being selfish [which he is] This will only get worse if you two dont get it sorted out. I had an selfish lover once and we ended up splitting up
...............................
A
female
reader, misscandy  +, writes (18 September 2007):
First thing first, you need to talk to him and see if he understands you or not.He may be willing to change. He seems lazy and selfish. He should be wanting to give you pleasure...Sexual frustrations leads to other problems so talk to him and tell him what you feel. Good Luck :)
...............................
A
female
reader, loops +, writes (18 September 2007):
I have had this problem. Ive never been able to orgasm during penetrative sex, it takes a hell of a lot of work from a man to make me come at all, and often they get too rough trying and therefore do nothing for me anyway! A lot of foreplay is usually the best way to start. Talk to him get him to understand that he isnt the only one who has a sexual appetite, try new things maybe and involve him with you (oral for you both at the same time?) Its all about experimenting and finding whats right for you. Id also point out that everyone is different and I cant see how all his ex's came through penetrative sex MOST women aren't able to orgasm through penetrative sex alone so it seems your lazy theory could be correct. Good luck I know full well how infuriating it is!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): Firstly I need to tell you that you are completely normal, on average a woman takes 27 minutes to orgasm. All too many men think it is okay to pleasure themselves and leave their patners 'high and dry' so to speak.
Foreplay is very important to allow a woman to orgasm, naturally our bodies need time to adjust and prepare for penetration without discomfort.
I think you need to explain honestly to your partner how he is making you feel - its not all about him and the more you are left worrying about not being able to orgasm the bigger deal you will make it and the less likely you will be to successfully orgasm.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lilli b +, writes (18 September 2007):
 It is quite normal for women not to be able to climax through penetrative sex. Even women who do, often rely on extra clitoral stimulation either with his body (often best with you on top) or with his or your hand. Some men enjoy and feel aroused by their partner touching themselves while they make love but if he doesn't like this, as he clearly doesn't, you need to talk to him about it.
You should be able to take pleasure and not just in the way he wants. I suspect you are right, he is a little lazy and perhaps a lot selfish! He doesn't want to spend time to help you orgasm and whilst I would never say that sex is the be all and end all of a relationship, you need to ask yourself whether you want to be with someone who is too lazy or too selfish to provide you with pleasure in the bedroom - you may get on great everywhere else but eventually his laziness or selfishness will spill outside of the bedroom.
I wonder what his ex girlfriends would say if you were to ask them - perhaps they were faking or maybe he didn't really care whether they had orgasms (perhaps that is why they are ex's) You are only 24 and if you are already clear what gives you pleasure I don't see why you should settle for less.
Talk to him, tell him what you like, ask him to take his time with you and pay attention to what you need - if he does then great - if he won't then ask yourself what else you will have to compromise on.
...............................
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (18 September 2007):
Engage in foreplay until you begin to orgasm, then have him penetrate you and position yourselves so that the top of his penis rubs on your clitoris. Use a lube if you are too dry.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): if u want to orgasm ask him to try teasing you by licking around the vaginal area and gently touching your body ask him to then finger you and lick your clit at the same time when ur really wet and juices are flowing then try penetration try diffrent styles of penetration i recommend the Italian hanger position it will be worth your while to look into it women generally have there g spots in different places trying different positions will help him better find that spot and increase the chances of orgasm
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 September 2007):
 Regular four play. It should be his wish to give you pleasure as much as it is to receive.
...............................
|
