A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Here's my situation. We've been a couple for one week, and already my boyfriend is planning our marriage! First date, he transitioned from "I'm so dating into the right family" to "I'm so marrying into the right family." At first I thought I heard him wrong, but the second date he doesn't say marriage but he does say he's going to do something in 6 months and he thinks I'm going to like it. Then, he's sized up my ring finger at least three times since our second date. Asked me what kind of ring I'd like, what kind of house I'd want, how many kids, what to name them, what kind of dog to get... It's overwhelming and I know I need to end it. What's the best way to let a guy this emotional down softly? People keep telling me he's a "keeper" and we make a great couple, but it's just too much too fast. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): Same thing happened to me. He"loved" me in the 1st week! I didn't marry him but eventually lived with him. What a disaster! The guy was a narcissist with a capital N!!!! Life was all about him. This is the same thing your guy thinks. He doesn't care what YOU thinknor feel...only what he thinks and feels. Don't walk away from him...RUN!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Wow that sounds like alot to handle. I think you should think about the guy and if you really like him then talk to him and tell him he is going way too fast. If you dont think you want to be with the guy then just tell him that your not ready to settle down and that you guys should just go your different paths. Hope this helps =)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): Hey, I know how u feel; I have met a man that has made me feel just awful; I am a single mom; due to the death of my husband, I am 52 years old, my son is 14. I think this man that I have met is just so lonely; and he told me he loved me within the first week???? kinda weird; respectful to me, but I do not want to be with him. He just smothers me; calling all the time; running up his cell bill and mine. I feel as if I need to get away from him. WE have had no sexual relations at all; and i do not want to. he does not take a hint to well. I need advice. Desperate in Alpine, AL GH
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): No matter how right a guy may be, if he is pressuring you into something you are not ready for (the timing wrong), then he is not the right guy. Timing is everything, and trust your gut. He will be emotionally hurt, but we all get through pain in our lives, and many times it leads us to better places, so being honest is the best advice.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): hun the best thing you can do really is tell the guy .. whats the worst that could happen ..he cnt exactly dump you cause u dnt want to marry ...ur young you gotta live ur life like everydays ur last so jst tell him... never say never but for now jst say no : )
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): Just tell him as it is, let him know that you are not ready for this kind of talk. Life is about having fun and you want to have loads of fun before you even think about settling down. Nip it in the bud right now before he goes out and buys the rings etc. Be strong and dont let him walk all over you.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Lilli b  +, writes (25 September 2007):
 I feel that a number of answers here are telling you that he is either a psycho or that you should stay (or at least talk about staying) because he is a rare find. Nothing wrong with anything there but ultimately they all concentrate on HIM & HIS approach / intentions / personality and what he wants.
He may be a Keeper or he may be a Psycho (or something in between) but your question tells me that you know what you have to do - when you say it is overwhelming and that you have to end it - that is because that is what you know is right. Ironically for a column when you are asking for advice I would suggest you don't need to listen to what people think he is - think about how you have felt - overwhelmed and a need to get out - and listen to that.
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (24 September 2007):
 Well, aside from the obvious ways that he's moving too fast, how do you feel about him otherwise? If you enjoy his company, and the two of you have good chemistry otherwise, maybe you should just tell him to s-l-o-w down with the "happy forever-after" talk and let the relationship develop at its own pace. On the other hand, if this guy really doesn't knock your socks off in other areas, just tell him you aren't ready for a serious relationship and feel like he is, so he'd be better off pursuing someone with the same high-speed goals. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 September 2007):
 Sometimes we men are stupid, but not mean (I know that sometimes it's difficult to see the difference, but there is a difference). I assume that your boyfriend is as young as you are, so perhaps you are his first true love and he can't contain himself. That happens, you know?
Since you say he's good, you like him, et cetera, and the problem is he's going too fast, I think you should follow the good advice of the other two posters and talk directly to him, saying directly that you need time, whatever. Being straightforward is always best, no matter what.
And then, if you want to dump him, dump him now, speaking directly as well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007):
I say that you just let him go right away. LET HIM GO! THat is way to quickly for that stuff. Take him out to dinner or do it at his house so you can leave. Do you really like him that much? Sounds like he is a clingy boy that needs to go...........
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): I can't help but remember a teacher I had who was saying "I knew this person, who liked to give away things. A natural giver - Do you like my pen? You can have it. Do you like my scarf. You can have it." He said "I made her eventually to give up this habit. You can't imagine how I changed her to being mean" ... I don't have his charm to tell the story. The conclusion I drew out: if there is a chance to make people "see," don't walk away before you try. Your bf was planning on your marriage right away? This makes you question his being rational? His sense of judgement? I agree, it should take more time to get to know somebody and eventually propose if you decided she is "the one." But before you end things saying that the rhythm is too fast, talk to him about how his acting hastily will come to affect his future, how he needs to revise this habit and [think deeply] into it. Maybe talking to him about this in detail can help him understand and be more prepared for the future relations, if this does not work. It could be he's into "colourful" phrases to keep conversations interesting. But I tend to believe either he is too naive or has some emotional problems. It's your choice to end it, and most probably justified, but maybe try to get him to acknowledge the problem, no subtleties, this has to be actually "discussed," in my opinion.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): That is psycho behavior & I am worried that he will flip out. Why is he saying he's marrying into the right family? Does he mean your family has money?? I would just tell him you're not ready for a relationship & if he keeps contacting you afterward, ignore him. Do not keep talking to him b/c he is the irrational type who will take that as you wanting to be with him. If he won't leave you alone, I suggest a restraining order. Don't listen to your friends who think he's a keeper. They aren't the ones going through this scarry situation.
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female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (24 September 2007):
 wow!a guy who isn't afraid of committment is like gold dust but i do howver agree that he is going about it all the wrong way.
i think he's just telliong you because he wants you to know he isn't scared of his feelings, which is kind of sweet because it's take a special kind of a guy to admit he has feelings, but after 2 dates? seriously?
ok, you need to think about this one. if you let him go even though you have a connection and get on, you could be making a mistake. but you need to talk to him and explain you're freaked out at the speed he is going, and that there is no rush into anything. you want to get to know him, take things at a steady pace and then see what happens, try saying that if he has big plans, you might have no other choice but to leave because you're scared and don't want to make any big, hasty decisions.
if you really want to get out, just sit him down and tell him that you feel you want different things because you're not sure what you want but you do know it's not marriage, kids and a house with a dog. not yet anyway. he'll be hurt and broken hearted probably but he'll be okay as long as you cut off contact with him, he won't cope being friends.
best of luck
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