A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I was just wondering if you could give me some advice on how to become more confident and outgoing around girls. Im 15 years old, athletic, quite good looking and quite inteligent. Please give me help as it is really annoying me and I just want to be able to hang round girls and maybe even develope a relationship with on of them. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, chrismorg  +, writes (27 March 2011):
talking to girls is no walk in the park u got to take chances.First of all your an atheltic so that should make it easier, you stated that ur good looking so even if you say something stupid they might not even care bout it. Girls could sense ur emotions. All you got to do is to be yourself, tease the girls, and be confident
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (25 March 2011):
 This is a really, really broad topic, so I'll just give you a few pointers. Better to have a handful of ideas you will be able to remember and act upon than a complete dissertation you can't remember any of.Just remember, you weren't born knowing how to talk, walk, ride a bike, or find all the easter eggs in Black Ops. Why should getting along with chicks be any different? Accept that there is a learning process, and there will be mistakes along the way. Just keep at it. - Make some platonic female friends. Swear never to make a move on them. Choose them because they're fun to talk to. Bonus points if they're cute (so you can learn to interact normally with cute chicks) or have lots of cute friends (so you can date them), but the only thing that matters is that you can de-mystify chicks through exposure to their ways. Knock 'em off that pedestal. - Excise any notion of what "should" work with girls from your mind, and instead carefully observe what *actually* works. If you had a healthy, normal upbringing, your mom probably told you to be nice to girls. Maybe you should, maybe not. Observe the reactions girls have to being treated nicely, and to being treated crudely, taking into account the type of guy behaving each way. Draw your own conclusions. Accept that female behavior will seem irrational a lot of the time. If it helps, they think the same of us. - Tease girls. Joke with them. Take 'em down a peg, gently and in a fun way. Don't mock them or insult them, just tease them. Some people can do it naturally, others need practice to get the balance just right. Experiment, and if you hurt some feelings or a few jokes fall flat, no big deal. - Be confident. This is the most important thing, and the hardest to explain. Basically it means being willing to act the way you want to without worrying about anyone's opinion. You're not trying to offend anyone, you just don't much care if it happens. Err on the side of too confident if you have to. Confidence is one of those things you can just fake until it's real. Helps to be able to back it up with something, though - perhaps a sport or hobby that you can master. - Develop self-mastery. This is a part of confidence that deserves its own mention. Basically, it means developing your strengths without the need to show them off. You say you're intelligent - don't act like it until there's a problem that needs solving. Then solve it and go back to normal like it's no big deal. If you know how to fix cars, cook, build things, or do a spinning back kick, don't say so, just patiently keep it in reserve until it's needed. If it never comes up, so be it. Let them think you have an endless supply of hidden talents, but don't say anything, even if they ask, besides "Maybe." If you must brag, you can always brag about trivial things instead.Remember, no matter how hard you try, you're going to fail sometimes and get laughed at, rejected, or embarassed. Accept it as the price of admission. Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, HeartBlossom +, writes (25 March 2011):
 Consider for a second what makes you confident when you're not around girls. Mainly, it's that you're not trying to make anyone like you. You have no fear of judgment, because you're doing ordinary things that you're comfortable with.You can get into that same situation around girls in library study groups, sports that may be co-ed (e.g. cross country), and many extracurricular activities at school (e.g. band, theater, choir, etc.).And your default assumption should be that girls are not judging you most of the time but simply going about their business with some plan in mind that you'll rarely learn.You should do the same--don't spend time judging girls for how fit they are or whatever, and instead focus on improving your own skills, health, and attitude in life while you happen to do things girls also do.When in the course of some ordinary activity a girl eventually smiles at you, smile back, but don't take it too seriously. Guys tend to overestimate how much girls are interested. And you'll be more confident if you don't think there's too much at stake. But don't miss a chance to ask her to do innocent things together, like hang out at lunch or get a soda or something.
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