A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this guy for a year and at first things were hot and steamy but lately he has been less and less interested in sex or anything else. We are only having sex 2-3 times a week. He works an average of 70 hours a week and although we live together, we do not spend much quality time together. I suspected he was cheating so I looked at his phone and he made some rude comments about me not cleaning the house enough and that he can find hotter than me in a text to a friend. When I confronted him about the messages he replied that yes he can do better than me.Naturally I was hurt and he apologized afterwards. A week later, same comment about finding someone better was yelled out in an argument and this time he added with his APOLOGY that although I'm overweight he loves my body. I am 15 lbs over and I carry weight well, people tell me I am extremely attractive and I have never had a problem finding a date. After our fight, I started extreme dieting by just drinking water and lemon. He got upset. He said he didn't want me losing any weight. I did it for 7 days but finally gave in and ate (he kept buying bakery and tasty stuff to tempt me). So things were fine for a few days but he started acting weird again. I looked at his phone and saw that a friend is sending him naked women pictures. Another friend was also doing it before but he said he didn't care for it. My question is...is it normal for guys to get naked pictures and i shouldn't be offended? On my part I have given him playboys to look over and I wasn't jealous (the guy who lived in my apartment before had a subscription he didn't transfer). I feel like him looking at these and going back and forth on my weight are connected. Am I right? should I be concerned that he might cheat? Now I'm back to extreme dieting because I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave him, I want to work it out.
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female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (25 March 2011):
 If he is working about 70 hours each week, he probably doesn't have much time to cheat on you and I would imagine that he would be very tired.If you feel you need to lose weight, do it for yourself, not him. Do it sensibly. Don't resort to starving yourself.As far as the naked pictures of women; boys will be boys. Don't be too offended.
A
male
reader, HeartBlossom +, writes (25 March 2011):
 No, you really need to leave him. This guy is terrible--not even close to being a good catch. The naked pictures are nothing to do with it. The problem is he's so poisonous to your self-esteem. You were confident about your attractiveness and dateableness before he said that stuff about being able to do better. You were not on crash diets. You were probably not so full of self-doubt. And what are you getting for all this? Minimal quality time. Complaints about your housework. Water and lemons. That's about it. Consider yourself fortunate that he showed what he's really like in just a year and move on. He's not going to do better than you when you leave: he's going to get someone else, sure, but to keep her he'll have to damage her self-esteem more severely than he did yours. If she sticks around, it's likely that what he really has is someone with too little independence and self-respect to leave him.
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