A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Lately both of my parents just have been giving me anxeity over what a young person is supposed to be doing with their life. They are always griping about how I don't go anywhere and how I have never been to any concerts with boyfriends or anything. All of this pressure has caused me to try to get out more, at least by myself. I have went to the museum, to the mall and movies alone. I even made it a habit of going to the library and staying there all day by myself. Still, whenever I am crashing in my room my mother or my father will start picking me apart about how I don't do anything. No matter how hard I try to beocme active it's never good enough. Recently, my mother always comes barging into my room after work and bullying me. If she sees me laying on my bed with my laptop beside me she will start talking down to me like a kid and saying, "I told you not to lay near that laptop you will crush it" even though I am fully aware of the consequences and I don't need her telling me that. She even literally snatched the laptop away from me and threatened to break it. Saying I am addicted to it. She starts chastizing me and asking me why I don't have a boyfriend. I told her I really don't know. There aren't any guys I am interested in or that are all that interested in me. I am not all that charasmatic where guys just gravitate towards me, it takes me awhile to get a boyfriend. I wish I could have somebody but I don't. She acts like getting a boyfriend is like buying a car. She thinks someting is wrong with me and that I am not normal because I don't have awhole lot of friends and go out all the time. Everytime she gives me a timeline starting from when I was 18 of how I've accomplished nothing I seriously freak out. I don't know it just makes me feel old and like I have wasted my life away. She reminds me of how I have accomplished nothing. My self esteem is seriously low. I am having a hard time accepting myself. In the past I have slit my wrists with a razor and done all kinds of harmful things to myself. I am seriously confused and tired of all this pressure my parents put on me. I'm tired of them saying how I don't do anything when I often make time to do things that I enjoy. It's like they want me to be something that i am not. I can't even think properly because I am so depressed and crying right now..
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007): You will have to overpass these issues. IF YOUR parents are used to be domineering and would probably perceive your opinions as a damage to their "authority," I will NOT advise you to stand up for yourself or be revolutionary. ENDURE. Their house, their rules. Maybe they are very old, and the age has repercussions on their judgement. Maybe they live in another epoch, or their parents were not tactful either, which mistakes they're reiterating. The best solution, as the other aunts suggested would be to look for a place to rent and find means to provide for yourself. The reality is until them you will have to endure and spend more quality time out, in libraries and other secure areas. Chances are you will make new acquaintances by finding extra-activities like joining a photography club or other means of distraction. Everyone has weaknesses or unfavourable circumstances in their lives. I'm certain for instance the lack of many friends is justified, not to mention friends should be few and well chosen in effect. To be constantly reminded of these is not helpful. Yes, your parents may have best intentions. A friend's parents also had best intentions, but repeatedly after asking about her day they were actually not paying attention. As a result, she's become very unconfident about holding speeches. Great fragility you have in common. You have to cure that sensitivity and I'm not sure that dragging these issues into the open and discussing them frankly would lead to a positive result. Act accordingly to what you anticipate of them. Try and be a step forward ahead of them, it's what you can do for now. Take care.
A
male
reader, HeartBlossom +, writes (4 December 2007):
 We can reasonably suppose that we're mostly normal even when people focus on the one thing that's different. And most of us do deviate from the norm in some way, which is a comfort because otherwise we'd be boring.Your parents are normal in that they sound absolutely terrible at expressing how they care about you. Most people are pretty bad at it, taking some notion about what worked for them at your age or how things can get messed up and turning that into a forceful idea of what you ought to be doing.And you sound fairly special for not feeling the need to have a boy to justify your existence and fulfill your emotional needs. That's a good start on being truly independent as a person.The next steps will be dealing with this depression and then (as long as you're free from thoughts of self-harm) working on a plan that gets you your own apartment. If you're in college, I bet the school has a counseling center that can advise better than anyone here.
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A
female
reader, bqagirl2692 +, writes (3 December 2007):
 Everyone has their own opinion on what " FUN" means. What is fun for one person can be dul to another. If you choose not to go out the way your parents want you to, then dont live up to anyone elses standards but yourselfs. You have plenty of time for a boyfriend. Dont look for it out of desperation,... Itll find you. Your parents need to get through their head that you are a not a little girl anymore and you need your privacy and have the right to do whatever it is you please. Maybe its time for you to be out on your own where they wont be able to nag you anymore. Have you thought of that? All im saying is that dont let your parents get to you and run yoour life forever. Do whatever it is that makes YOU happy. Not anyone!
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