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*ncleDoug

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We've been dating for 4 months, he says he loves both me and his wife and now she's coming back!

Q.   Hi there! i have a serious problem here. i met this guy in december 2009, he told me his wife has left him for 14 months, then we started dating, now were are so emotional involved he just told me a week ago that the wife is coming back from ...

A.   1 May 2010: Hi Marymary, Your dilemma is whether or not you should continue to emotionally invest yourself into a relationship that could come to an abrupt and painful end. Actually, the same is true of any relationship between any two people. Unfores... (read in full...)

I'm just his Saturday night date

Q.   I'm going crazy here. I think I'm just going to end things with the guy I've been seeing. He obviously doesn't want me to be part of his life other than a Saturday night date. I know I'm not a patient person, but tonight will be our 17th date ...

A.   1 May 2010: Hi, You have obviously been around the block a time or two, so I am sure you have heard the old adage "actions speak louder than words." You can more easily determine a person's intent based on their actions than on their words. He only shares y... (read in full...)

Husband says he has proof of my affair through text messages

Q.   I have been in a mentally abusive marriage for 16 years. He has isolated me from all my family and friends. I had already decided I was wanting a divorce but, I ran into an old boy friend from high school who told me he tried to reconnect with me ...

A.   1 May 2010: Hi, First I want to praise you for summoning up the courage to finally leave your abusive husband. Few women who marry as teenagers and remain with the same man for 16 years have the mettle and self-confidence to avoid the downward spiral. ... (read in full...)

The guy I am seeing wants to engage in incest themed role play!

Q.   Sorry, I'm sure you get questions like this all the time... Anyway, I'm 18 and I'm "seeing" a guy who is mid 40's, he is divorced and has no kids and I'm going off to uni soon so it'll be goodbyes in a bit, the other day we were laying in bed and he ...

A.   1 May 2010: Hi, Before you castigate your lover for his role play fantasy, you may first consider praising him for revealing to you such an intimate and taboo subject. Obviously, he feels utterly comfortable with you to reveal such a politically and socially... (read in full...)

Am I a bad girlfriend? My boyfriend says I am

Q.   hi, i am not sure how to ask this. i have a boyfriend. lately it has not been smooth. we argue a lot and i get offended too much. in my relationship, it is getting so bad. he usually will be sweet if he ever offend or hurt me and convince m...

A.   1 May 2010: Hi, You stated in your post that you do love your boyfriend. I will assume that he also actually does love you. In a successful relationship each person feels free to express themselves, their inner-most feelings, their fears, and when somethin... (read in full...)

I don't classify this as cheating but my boyfriend will!

Q.   Okay, Ive been dating a guy for about 2 months and I told him I would never cheat. But recently I was out with friends (1 girl and 2guys) one of the guys is an ex boyfriend. When we were leaving, i hugged him goodbye and I turned to kiss him on ...

A.   1 May 2010: Dear JustSmile2010, Your post raises some interesting issues, both expressly and tacitly, including but not limited to: (1) what is "cheating," (2) does accidental contact preclude you from cheating (that is, does your intent recharac... (read in full...)

He wants to be with both me and her

Q.   Okay let me make this simple as possible. My Husband and I have a very strange life. We have been married for 7 years and we love each other.Well we where married very young 23 and 21(me). Neither one of us had a chance to live life. We both have ...

A.   3 April 2010: Hi, First and foremost your bi-line is different than the facts you present in your post. One reads "he wants to be with both me and her" and the other reads "he wonts (sic) to be with me and not her," respectively. So you may receive some int... (read in full...)

How do you stop being controlling?

Q.   How can you stop being controlling? I know that sounds strange but I,ve been told I,m quite a controlling and I know I am. I,m a type person who has to be on control on everything , Organising party I insist I have to do everything , I,m getting ...

A.   3 April 2010: Hi, The need to control every aspect (and person) within your environment is a symptom of a deeper problem. Unfortunately if left untreated this behavior will create many more problems that will impair your ability to function properly in life... (read in full...)

How do you know when someone will change their player ways?

Q.   I have seen womanizers become good husbands and I have seen players become faithful. My question is how do you know when someone is ready to change there ways? How can you tell if a women/man really loves you? I have asked many different people and ...

A.   2 April 2010: Hi Arahn, In short, the answer is you cannot know. If you examine a person's behavior and actions, you may be able to extrapolate their thoughts. However, until such time that you are able to read a person's mind, you cannot know with any degree o... (read in full...)

A rough diamond? Compliment? or Insult?

Q.   what If your boyfriend says (your' a rough diomand )rough aound the edges.is that insult .or cheeky towards me.?...

A.   2 April 2010: Hi, The phrase "diamond in the rough" usually has a positive connotation to it. Think about it - a diamond (of any kind) is still a diamond, right? Good luck.... (read in full...)

Signs are pointing to boyfriend cheating! Do you think he is?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for the last 4 years and have been living with each other for the last 3 and a half years. I am worried that he has cheated on me several times but don't have any evidence - just gut feeling. The 1st year we live...

A.   2 April 2010: Hi, Let's see - you have identified all the incriminating evidence (and there is plenty, albeit circumstantial); his responses each time you confronted him were evasive, ambiguous or fabricated; and his actions (hiding phone, not taking you out to g... (read in full...)

Left ex to shield child, now new hubby is 10 times worse???

Q.   This is the first and only time I think I'll post anything about this situation. I'll just lay it all out and pray I get needful responses! Bare with me, theres so much to say!!! Back, 4 years ago I began dating this charming man I met at work. W...

A.   2 April 2010: Hi ConfusedBrightEyes, As a mother (and as it happens in a court of law) whatever is in the "best interests of the child" should be your guiding principle. Several questions arise. (1) Is it in the best interests of the child to determine ex... (read in full...)

Separated pregnant and not thrilled about it!

Q.   I started dating this new guy and im recently separated and pregnant. The baby is certainly the new guys. I cant stand pregnancy because I get so fat. plus its summer too. The guy that father my child has four other children and four different ...

A.   2 April 2010: Hi, There is an old adage - You reap what you sow. The most important foundation on which to build a long-lasting relationship is HONESTY. This situation will test you and your husband's devotion to one another and resolve to this marriage. If y... (read in full...)

Is it right for an 18 year old to date their teacher?

Q.   I've got a little problem and i need help urgently. . I just agreed to date my teacher and i don't know if i did the right thing. .pls advise me on it....

A.   2 April 2010: Hi Troubledgurl, I must urgently recommend that you immediately contact your teacher and cancel the date. What in the world has transpired between the two of you to date that would suggest to your teacher that you two should become more personal... (read in full...)

How can I track down a police officer I fancy with only his first name?

Q.   I am very interested in a neighborhood police officer. He is also interested but is always on duty when we see each other and can't ask me out. I would like to get in touch with him but only have his first name. When we introduced ourselves we ...

A.   2 April 2010: Hi, You can go down to the local police department, speak to the reception desk, explain you want to contact this officer for personal reasons and give them your number to give to him. Good luck.... (read in full...)

I defended myself against a high school bully and now my girlfriend has broken up with me

Q.   [Moderator ote: Obviously the age posted above is incorrect] I am in the 10th grade. My girlfriend broke up with me and I don't understand why. My family moved and at the new highschool, this 11th grader started to hassle me. He wanted to ini...

A.   2 April 2010: Hi, Let me commend you on initially walking away. You are a bigger man for it. I am somewhat concerned about your sentiment that "(you) will hurt this guy bad" if he keeps coming. Anyone reading your account can glean that you have some martial ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is the complete opposite of my "normal" type, will I regret dating him later on?

Q.   This is something I've been thinking about and hopefullly some of you can give me opinions. I've always had a 'type' of guy I go for...light hair, boyish features, confident, athletic etc. I always find myself checking such guys out...I'm just d...

A.   2 April 2010: Hi, The facts all suggest that subconsciously you do not want to become any further invested in this relationship: (1) you do not consider your current boyfriend attractive, outgoing or the usual type of guy you date; (2) you presently consid... (read in full...)

G/f says I called her a bad mother and now she's cold to me

Q.   have benn with my girlfriend for two years and we have had a few fights over the last few years notthing to serious that wasnt fixed within a few hours but in those fights she has takin that i have called her a bad mother out of contexr and now she ...

A.   2 April 2010: Hi, As you know there are certain things you simply do not put back in your lover's face, such as any kind of pillow talk, confidences, and comments which by their nature go to the core of the person. Respectfully, calling your wife a bad moth... (read in full...)

Boyfriend is bothered by our gap in ages

Q.   my boyfriend and i have been together for nearly 6 months, not long admittedly but its been a pretty intence 6 months. we met in uni halls so weve lived together longer than weve been in a relationship and we plan to move in together when we have ...

A.   2 April 2010: Hi, There are a couple of reasons I can offer about why your boyfriend is suddenly sensitive to your age gap. First, he may be responding to a comment made to him by a peer, parent, or other individual with whom he has a mentor relation... (read in full...)

I have a sexless marriage and I am in love with my work colleague, how do I cope?

Q.   [Moderator's Note: 2 questions from the same poster have been merged into one] Question 1 I love him so dearly but can never be with him, how do I cope? My work colleague of 12 years, has become my best friend...over the last 2 years we became e...

A.   2 April 2010: Traceyann, Separation pain is both acute and long-lasting, but as with most things will fade with the passage of time - depending on whether you resolve the issue now or later. Try to master your emotions and exert over them some modicum of contr... (read in full...)

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