A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is something I've been thinking about and hopefullly some of you can give me opinions.I've always had a 'type' of guy I go for...light hair, boyish features, confident, athletic etc. I always find myself checking such guys out...I'm just drawn to them. I've dated a few in the past but things never worked out...I was usually the one who got hurt.So anyway, my current BF is the complete opposite of this 'type.' He's got dark hair, he's not 'cute,' and he's sometimes a bit awkward and shy. But his personality has sucked me in...we get along so well and the way he treats me is amazing.Our relationship has been getting serious, we've met each other's families and he's often talked about living together in the future, travel etc. The way we're going, I envisage a long term future with him.The other night we were out and this gorgeous guy passed us...I couldn't help but stare at him, he was exactly the type I would go for. I felt so bad and so guilty about this.I guess my question is whether I should be getting deeper into this relationship considering I'm always going to desire a certain type of guy who is different to my boyfriend? I have no good reason to leave my boyfriend and that's not the question...but I'm scared that one day I'm going to wake up and regret not having bagged the type of man I've always wanted. Am I perhaps deluded?
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male
reader, UncleDoug  +, writes (2 April 2010):
Hi,
The facts all suggest that subconsciously you do not want to become any further invested in this relationship:
(1) you do not consider your current boyfriend attractive, outgoing or the usual type of guy you date;
(2) you presently consider yourself "settling" with regard to your boyfriend;
(3) you felt bad and guilty about staring at a gorgeous guy walking by while you are with your boyfriend; (if you genuinely and unconditionally loved your boyfriend you would not be feeling bad );
(4) you are presently questioning whether or not you should be getting more deeply involved with your boyfriend;and
(5) you have all but admitted that you are regretting "not bag[ging] the type of man you've always wanted."
Let's be honest you are in love with being in love and you are in love with the security a boyfriend offers. I know dating is hard and sometimes painful but you must put yourself out there and risk being hurt to find what you seek. If not, YOU CAN ALWAYS SETTLE. In order to spare your boyfriend huge disappointment and deep pain you may want to consider being honest with yourself and ending things now.
A
female
reader, Tasmanian devil  +, writes (2 April 2010):
 We always percieve we want a certain type, but when he comes knocking he isn't all that you expected and leaves you hurt. But we just need that awkward shy guy to give you that realisation what i have in reality is better than what i want in fantasy because the reality is there and existant. Just think if you did leave him in search of the dream will you one day wake up and think i've made the biggest mistake in my life?? Its normal to just check out other guys but why leave a great relationship for no reason.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (2 April 2010):
Have you asked yourself what if maybe your not the usual type your BF goes for? Lets be real here. The type of guy you described says nothing about your standards for how a guy treats you. Sure go for the physical type of guy you like and maybe you will just burn through one at a time that way. They will eventually break your heart but its ok cause they are "your type" right? What about being appreciated? What about being loved and cherished? Does your BF treat you like a queen? When guys know they have the upper hand they often take advantage. And well if you dated your physical type it sounds like they would have the upper hand. Decide what you want. If you are really gonna regret not ending up with these other guys then be courteous and let your BF go. But I think you might regret doing that way more than not ending up with the guy you find physically attractive.
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