A
female
age
51-59,
*raceyann
writes:[Moderator's Note: 2 questions from the same poster have been merged into one]Question 1I love him so dearly but can never be with him, how do I cope?My work colleague of 12 years, has become my best friend...over the last 2 years we became extremely close, became on and off lovers and have the most amazing friendship.We are both married to other people. My marrage only excists because of my 2 children, I am not in love with my husband after difficulties. My lovers marrage has been rocky, but he recently had a really badly spell in his marrage and has decided to stop all contact with me so that he can concentrate on his relationship for the sake of his son.This hurts so bad because I know I love him and I struggle everyday with the hurt of not being able to be in contact with him. At work he is friendly, but distance. He told me yesterday that his wife lost a baby last weekend. He is devasted and so am I for him.I just do not know how I am supposed to carry on loving somebody I know I will never be with. I miss him so much it hurts so bad.Question 2I have a sexless marrage. I do not fancy or love my husband anymore and we are together for our children.I have been having a close relationship with another man, my best friend. But our sexual relationship has stopped.I miss him so desperatly. Our sex was incredible and we had phone sex alot too. I masterbate a lot, but can only do it thinking about and fantasing about him. Afterwards, I break down and cry because I miss him so badly. Will this ever stop...how can I learn to cum without him in my thoughts?
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male
reader, Red Green 0289  +, writes (2 April 2010):
Get out of your marriage BEFORE you start anything new. It's ugly in a workplace where two people are sneaking around. Our office has been suffering from this for 2 years. Both people are now divorced, but the guy (the LAST guy you'd suspect of this) has lost quite a lot, and the girl (not woman) has lost all professional credibility and will never get any farther than she is today...
His credibility and integrity has been seriously compromised, and not everyone in the office knows about the affairs and divorces... odds are good his career is also serious screwed - about as screwed as his relationship with his kids and family.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): Dear Middle aged lady.
1) My feeling is that since you have started to cheat your husband your kid, you are finding the justifications for the same. you need to talk to your conscience first? since your conscience is questioning you you are here with problems.
2) There is no loveless marriage and it is not justification for cheating to some other person's trust.
3) I ask u question? let us say tomorrow you meet with an accident and you are paralyzed for life? who do u think will be truly be with you and who will not be with you?
Forget being sad, he will not even bother you about after `1 week. My take is that you will stop getting even phone calls from your so called lover after 45 days.
4) If sex less ness or lack of sex is justification for affairs and divorces, most of husbands around the world should have affairs and divorce their wife, because most of the time, husbands are not happy with sex life or lack of it from their wife.
So dear lady you have passed any way more than half life and you are only few years left when you will be called old lady? i do not think you need to be so irresponsible to ur kid and your DH.
Focus on the family and enjoy the life. Life is all about how you see things. It is always glass is half empty or half full.
i am sure if you 'D' ur hubby, and move with new one, you will find that with responsibility of marriage, your lover may be even worse.
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A
male
reader, UncleDoug +, writes (2 April 2010):
Traceyann,
Separation pain is both acute and long-lasting, but as with most things will fade with the passage of time - depending on whether you resolve the issue now or later. Try to master your emotions and exert over them some modicum of control, so you do not jeopardize your family's disposition. I believe you should respect your friend's request for space and allow him to fully and freely devote himself to helping his wife heal physically and emotionally from her miscarriage. If he wants to try and reconstruct his marriage, you as his good friend should understand (not be selfish) and give him this opportunity. Help him, support him and be there for him as a friend and he may return the feeling. If you love him let him go.
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A
female
reader, Traceyann +, writes (2 April 2010):
Traceyann is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, thank you for writing. It's the first time I've spoke about my situation and it's so uplifting to hear some quality advice. You are so right, I know what you are telling me is true, but I'm so hurt with being without my work friend I'm not emotionally ready just yet to take the marriage problems on board yet. Thank you thank you for taking the time to help me out! X
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): Hey, you sound really sweet and deep. You said a lot in what you wrote.
Here is my take on your situation...
First and foremost, you have come to terms with the fact (FACT) that you are in a loveless marriage. You need to (MUST) do something about that situation first and foremost.
Your life is short and finite. Do not take any minute for granted. Set the wheels in motion right now and make a plan with firm dates and deadlines that you will meet to effect the end of your loveless marriage. Plan everything out from dividing expenses and income, health care, child support, retirement accounts & investments, and figuring out your future living quarters. Develop a plan with a schedule of milestone dates and stick with it. Plan to accomplish your separation in small steps and before you know it, it will all be behind you.
Get one part of your life sorted out, before you tackle the romantic part. Clean up the one mess that you can control and then pursue the other part. If your office spouse does not reciprocate, then move on. It may be emotionally wrenching, but you WILL get over it.
At least your life will be better when you sort out what you have control over.
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