A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a mentally abusive marriage for 16 years. He has isolated me from all my family and friends. I had already decided I was wanting a divorce but, I ran into an old boy friend from high school who told me he tried to reconnect with me before I got married, he came by my apartment and my soon to be ex cussed him out and told him to never return. My soon to be ex never told me about this. Anyways, fate brought him back into my life and we began I guess what you would call an emotional affair talking via email and texts. I finally told my husband I wanted a divorce. He now states to me he has proof of my affair. The only way is if he can somehow get copies of our text messaging. Is there anyway he can get those message once I deleted them? (we have tmobile service)
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female
reader, cnith +, writes (1 May 2010):
 You dont need proof to get a divorce. He wouldn't get 'brownie points' for having said text messages. The judges don't care why you're divorcing anymore.The thing to focus on is getting your life back. Reach out to family members and old friends. If they were true, they will still be there for you and help you out as best they can.Good luck and I'm SOOO happy for you!Getting out is the hardest thing but once you do it, life just opens up! HUGS to you. :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010): I dont think I would worry about it if he is abusive and you are wonting a divorce anyways . He might try to use it for ammunition but its not going to get him anywheres . I mean its not like it is going to make you stay or go . Just go ahead get the divorce and start a new life and hopefully it will be a better one that is abuse free.
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A
male
reader, UncleDoug +, writes (1 May 2010):
Hi,
First I want to praise you for summoning up the courage to finally leave your abusive husband. Few women who marry as teenagers and remain with the same man for 16 years have the mettle and self-confidence to avoid the downward spiral. You ARE special and deserve a life of love and caring with a good man. Second I want you to relax about the texts and emails. Even if your husband can retrieve them, the law does not define such communications as infidelity. If your husband does not have hard proof such as pictures, eye witnesses or audiotapes/videotapes of you and your fried engaging in a tryst then he has only circumstantial evidence. Obviously your husband is looking to create a foundation for refusing to provide you with alimony in the divorce proceedings. The emails/texts are legally insufficient to support any such contention.
I truly wish you good luck in your new life and your new relationship. Take things slow and easy.
UncleDoug
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A
female
reader, rambini  +, writes (1 May 2010):
 if his name is on the bill he might have been able to get them, and if he files for divorce then his laywer can definately get hold of them. But it doesnt really matter, it just means you can get divorced on grounds of unreasonable behaviour or similar.
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