A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How can you stop being controlling? I know that sounds strange but I,ve been told I,m quite a controlling and I know I am. I,m a type person who has to be on control on everything , Organising party I insist I have to do everything , I,m getting rather paranoid latlely on the matter as I think thats why i can't get a boyfriend any advise? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, advice angel  +, writes (3 April 2010):
 people at one time in there life need to calm down and think you only live once but maybe its a skill to be always controlling as in this life time it gets you places,its a specialty for jobs,home life etc....
but remember not everything has to be perfect,just learn to have a chilling session some times x
A
male
reader, UncleDoug  +, writes (3 April 2010):
Hi,The need to control every aspect (and person) within your environment is a symptom of a deeper problem. Unfortunately if left untreated this behavior will create many more problems that will impair your ability to function properly in life, including properly socializing with others. Your controlling nature can be rectified - with professional counseling from a certified therapist, who will identify the origins of your behavior.In addition to the sage advice CaringGuy proffered, you may consider two reasons why a person may exhibit the type of controlling behavior you described: idleness and hubris (an imperious attitude). When a person is unemployed (not integrated into his social surroundings) - and therefore has no sense of worth - they sometimes will exert undue influence on everything with which they come into contact in an attempt to feel fulfilled. If you are employed or a full time student or a combination thereof, then you may consider your controlling nature a "character flaw", that is, a predisposition to having your way all the time. A qualified therapist will be able to identify and treat this programmed disposition.Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (3 April 2010):
 Controlling people truly enjoy only things/people/situations that fulfill their expectations, and they worry that nothing else will give them satisfaction. If they don't get exactly what they think they want, they can't be happy. This is very limiting. By doing this they ignore a lot of lovely surprises, and small details they didn't plan on.
If you think you are like this, maybe you could try not making plans, being a little lazy, and allowing other people to show you who they are, instead of telling them how you want them to be (which you probably do without really using the words: be this way). Try not expecting anything but surprises for a while, and then find what you like/dislike in the surprises when they present themselves.
Also, ask your closest friends to describe how they think you are controlling, maybe if you can understand the ways that your desire to control expresses itself, you can instead turn your desire to control others into self-control and you can change! Being controlling means you know how to get what you want, well, if what you want is to be less controlling, I bet you can get that too :-)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 April 2010):
You need to find out WHY you're so controlling before you can change it, and that means taking a very close look at your life, possibly with a counsellor if you need to. People who are controlling learn it two ways. They are either brought up on it and one parent is controlling, so they learn the behaviour, or they suffer from very low confidence that means they need to be in control of everything or they become paranoid that it will go wrong. Interestingly you picked up that it could be your controlling behaviour is the reason you don't have a boyfriend, and you're worried about it because you don't have control over it. Look at your life, and your past, and find out what it is that makes you this way. Did you learn it from a parent, or are you veru insecure?
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