A
female
age
41-50,
*arymary
writes:Hi there! i have a serious problem here. i met this guy in december 2009, he told me his wife has left him for 14 months, then we started dating, now were are so emotional involved he just told me a week ago that the wife is coming back from thailand.he said he still loves her. we have been together for 4 months i know its a long time but we were spending alot of time together, he was telling me everyday how much he loves me and how much h wants to be with me. he said when i met him he was divorcing her but he change his mind about that.he texts me all the time wanting to go out for meals and he still tells me that he loves me but the wife is coming back..soo confused pls help...
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (3 May 2010):
 No confusion, you are either willing to be sloppy seconds or you are not. Your choice your life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): Mary, it only gets worse. look at it realistically. he is married. his wife is back in his life. he will not leave her. he will expect you to be his dirty secret. he will only view you as a side dish, nothing more, nothing less. i know you had 4 months with him. this 4 months is relatively short compared to years with a liar and a cheat. save yourself from yourself and cut him out of your life.
...............................
A
male
reader, UncleDoug +, writes (1 May 2010):
Hi Marymary,Your dilemma is whether or not you should continue to emotionally invest yourself into a relationship that could come to an abrupt and painful end. Actually, the same is true of any relationship between any two people. Unforeseen circumstances can arise at any time and thwart or cripple any ongoing relationship. If you want this relationship to survive and thrive, then continue to nurture it as though all is well. The decision to reconnect with his wife or become more deeply involved with you is his to make. Perhaps you should not alienate him at this time but rather put your best foot forward and let the chips fall where they may.Good Luck,UncleDoug
...............................
A
female
reader, cnith +, writes (1 May 2010):
 I think you need post it notes. "He's NOT divorcing his wife." "HE LOVES HIS WIFE." yes he wants to f me... (whatever) but READ the post it notes...He can't make it any clearer to you. Find yourself an unattached man and write this off as a lesson. Unless the divorce papers are signed, leave married men alone. For all you know, you were his play toy while the wife was away. Don't do it again.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010): It's interesting how a person can be so self centered that he will string along a girl who he claims to have feelings for but yet knows the only future he has is with his wife whom he still loves. The wife left him not the other way around so I can see why he still has feelings for her and why he isn't over her. He only started dating out of a desperate attempt to not be alone.He is only hanging on to you just in case he and his wife don't work out. The best thing you can do for your own sake is lose his number and stop taking his phone calls because the only person that is going to end up hurt here is you.
...............................
A
female
reader, female old lady +, writes (1 May 2010):
Yea, I agree with Cindy.....of course, we don't truly have enough information to see whether his intentions were malicious or not, but bottom line he has changed what he has been telling you (about a divorce). And conveniently it is after your emotions are 'hooked.' If we realized how much control we truly have, if we would but take it, over our own emotional world....well, I think we'd make a lot of decisions differently. You chose to 'fall in love' with him (opened yourself up enough to this guy to let him in) and you can just as easily choose to 'treat yourself with respect' and in this instance, move on!I say, cut your losses and him. Find some way to volunteer, or get involved in an activity you enjoy, to help get your mind off of him. And next time, go much slower about 'falling in love.' Gradually build a relationship. It's actually delightful and so much more satisfying for both sexes, if we weren't in an 'instant gratification' world!Do friendship things first. Then date. Then kiss. Then maybe after you have known someone for, well, at least longer than 90 days, consider taking it to the next step. I know that is a foreign concept to you young folks these days, but you would be in so much better position if you would. You wouldn't give your heart so easily for people to break it so easily later. Four months is actually a very short time. Ask anyone stuck in a marriage or relationship that they don't feel they can get out of, with traits that do not make for a good match. Life's too short. Consider four months (or even four years) a 'thank you' for waking you up!
...............................
A
female
reader, SoftlyCaress  +, writes (1 May 2010):
 I agree with the two post before me . I would say he is pretty much making it be known that he is in love with his wife so walk away . And even if she isnt coming back to be with him ,He has told you he still loves her so its not good for you to hold on knowing he is in love with her because he will never truly be yours until he is completely over her and ready to move on.Dont allow yourself to be caught in a love triangle . I know it is probably hard as you have already formed feelings for him but its better that you walk away now instead of later when they would probably be so much stronger .Good Luck!!
...............................
A
female
reader, princessgabby  +, writes (1 May 2010):
It all depends how long they have been married for.If its more than 2 yrs cut him loose hes a jack ass who does not deserve any one!
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (1 May 2010):
 Is she coming back to be with him, or is she only returning to the country? If she's coming back for him, I'd cut him loose, which includes no more "romance".
This is a difficult situation, where he's married and she's out of the picture. In this situation, I don't see that he meant to hurt you. When you two got together, there wasn't a thought of her return, right? What he must consider is, why did she leave last time. Is she someone, who at a whim, takes off. Will this happen to him again? If so, would she be someone to take another chance on?
I understand marriage and love. I think before he makes that choice, there are the difficult questions he needs to ask himself before doing so.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 May 2010):
 Unluckily there is little to be confused about here. His wife is coming back- he manifested clearly his intention to get back with her.
If one wanted to be malicious he, one could suspect he knew it all along and he was not actually on the verge og getting a divorce- but that's anothery story.
The point here is that is wife is coming back and when she'll be here ,you either will be history or will be the mistress of a married man.
Think long and hard if this is really the best you can get from life.
...............................
|
