A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently stopped being friends with a guy (let's called him C) for several reasons. I knew him for 5 years. He said we are friends but every time we see each other, we end up making our or sleeping with each other. I told him I don't do friends with benefits. He just told me to not tot think too much just enjoy the moment. So it's been on and off like that for 3 years. I finally called him and confessed that I liked him and asked him to stop trying to get me into bed every time we hang out. I also explained why I couldn't be friends with him. My feelings towards him hurt my current relationship. I told him I felt hurt because it seems like he's just trying to sleep with me.Then he said, "I was not trying to get you, I just thought it feels right at the moment, aren't you enjoy it too?" And then he said we don't talk often or see each other for a long time anyway (he lives 2 hours away from me), he questioned me what's the point cutting him off or block him on social media. He also said I see life too black and white...I wasn't trying to blame my own relationship problem on him but as a friend, I should at least be honest with him that he's behavior and attitude towards relationship is pretty twisted. He claim we are friends and believed that there's no problem or issue the way he lives now. We were on the phone for 3 hours and obviously he didn't want me to do this (cut him off) and wanted to point out I had a lot of issue with myself. I don't know, I feel like our conversation was about how I have a lot of issue with myself and he was just doing what he thought was fine.I admitted I was naive and thought being casual would make life easier.. then I realized this attitude could hurt people. but I felt like a hypocrite calling him out like that... after all, i also did not firmly tell him to stop touching me or flirting with me. I felt like he knew I like him but acted like he didn't knowWas I doing the right thing calling him and asked him to stop treating feelings and relationship like it's a game? Was I doing to right thing to cut him off? Was I being not "open-minded"?
View related questions:
flirt, friend with benefits Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 May 2018):
 I think you need to look at your own actions more than his.
YOU are not single, he is NOT a friend.
When you MAKE the choice to sleep with someone you call a friend, it's no longer a friendship as physical intimacy and romantic emotions gets involved. THAT is NOT part of a friendship.
You should end it with your BF, it's obviously not working out and you cheating on him is NOT fixing your issues in the relationship either.
CUT both men out of your life and figure out what you WANT out of a relationship and what you really have to offer a partner.
And OP, you could have said NO to sex... You made the choice NOT TO. So don't blame the dude. Take some responsibility.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (10 May 2018):
 It's not about being open-minded. The fact of the matter is that you definitely will be hurting other people if you continue with this and it's good of you to acknowledge that; it shows that you have a conscience and know right from wrong after all. The thing here is that you've put your own needs before your relationship and that's a problem. It's obvious that this friend of yours is not a platonic friend and he finds pleasure in 'going there' with you. He doesn't care about the consequences and you've invited him in and allowed yourself to be swept away into this whole situation.
Don't stay and continue to ruin your relationship and inflict more pain on your SO. It's clear that you're torn but best believe that this friend only wants sex, at this point at least and the fact that you like him already, means that you WILL want more while he clearly only wants sex.
Look, I think that it would do you some good to break up with your partner and stay single for a while. Do not keep contact with this friend while you figure out what it is that you want.
...............................
A
male
reader, DarrellG +, writes (10 May 2018):
 You were doing absolutely the right thing because he was using you in the most callous cold way imaginable. He exploited the fact you have feelings for him to get sex and he did this knowing you are currently in a relationship so he did it without any regard for your feelings or your circumstances. He is a bit of a cad and that is being extremely generous.
What you really need to do is move on and address the problems you have in your current relationship and that obviously has problems for you to walk down this path in the first place. I dont think you are getting what you need there and sought to fill the void with sex and this 'friendship'.
Dont punish yourself too much. You are doing the right thing now and that is what matters. Good luck x
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (10 May 2018):
 For starters, you’re having problems in your replationship? Were you sleeping with this guy whilst you had a partner? If so you need to break up with your BF and let him be with someone who respects him.
The guy is a smooth talker, it’s quite obvious. He says what you want to hear and you sleep with him. Why would he need to do anything differently? You tell him to stop doing it but sleep with him anyways. Do you see how your plan is flawed here? It’s not hard to not sleep with someone is it? Just say no and then exit the situation. Job done.
I don’t think you have a leg to stand on really as you’re complaining how he treats you then you’re enabling it. If he’s making your life hard work then block him and move on with your life. The problem here is that you don’t want to do that isn’t it? The thing with that though is you will keep sleeping with him until he finds someone that he wants to be in a relationship with and you’ll be the one who’s left in tears not him. So why would you do that to yourself?
He’s right, there’s nothing wrong with how he’s living his life, but it doesn’t compliment how you’re living yours so there’s going to be endless problems as it’s never going to be balanced, you’re always going to like him more than he likes you.
I find it interesting than rather than sort things with your BF you’ve asked a question to online strangers how to fix a relationship with a ‘friend’. I think you need to get your priorities in order here. This BF really doesn’t sound like the one for you if you’re still hung up on someone who’s using you for sex.
I’d get rid of both and move on with my life.
...............................
|
