A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I'm 18 in my first year at university. In week one I met this guy and we became friends, and then really close friends, spending a lot of time together and when we weren't together, talking on the phone and texting. As you can imagine, we got closer, accepted that we did like eachother as more than friends. After say two months (so recently) we became intimate. I haven't had a lot of sex like I'm sure a lot of people my age have, but I wasn't a virgin. We had sex without a condom a few times because neither liked the way it felt, which I'm living to regret. He would always just pull out say 20 seconds early and I naively believed that would work. Long story short, my period is late, which it hasn't been since I was 12, and I'm starting to think that I may be pregnant. As I've said I'm 18, I have nothing to raise a child with and I'm not ready to be a mum, not to mention the fact that my own mother would kill me if she knew. My degree is supposed to be the most important thing right now and I don't want to give that up because I was stupid and reckless. So if I take a test and it is positive I can't go through with it for those reasons among others. I haven't told the guy about any of this, we're apart for Christmas and it's not something I could say over the phone. I'm not even so sure that he needs to know, he's far from being ready to be a father also, which is ironic since he was fine with not using a condom. I can't go through with this.So my question is, am I a terrible person for wanting an abortion, considering everything?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2017): Get the abortion. Don't tell him about it.
No need to bring an unwanted child into this world.
But DO use a condom next time and start taking birth control pills at least if you don't want kids.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2017): You are so young.I say get the abortion.If you have a baby now you and your baby's life would suck.You would have to drop out of school and work.It would be low paying jobs for the rest of your life because you never finished school.Babys cost alot of money.When you get the abortion have them insert a iud.Get tested for STD right away because you did not use a condom.Now in the future always have the man wear a condom.With STD like HIV that can actually kill you by not using condoms you are risking your life each and every time you have sex.Talk to your doctor and educate your self about safe sex and birth control.And for all you religious people who are not in agreement with abortion in the Bible it says the soul does not enter the baby until it comes out of the birth canal so it is not a person but just a mixture of cells.I hope all this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2017): Take the test first then decide what is your next step. If the test is positive, just think about what's best for you and your unborn child. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting an abortion, it's entirely up to you. If the test is negative, please learn from this and always use at least one form of protection, which condoms would be the best option because birth control pills tend to fail more than condoms.
You're not a terrible person for wanting the abortion, just remember that. Especially at this age, you still have a lot ahead of you. but at the end of the day, it is up to you.
I wish you all the best
xx
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (26 December 2017):
I have nothing to add to what's said below but agree with the majority here and just want to give you support. When studying the situation, be careful of some of the pro-life propaganda. Some suggest that the weeks-old fetus is in there nearly ready to read and make decisions. Not so.
Also, nobody really wants to get in the position of having to choose whether to have an abortion. But, as you've found out, it does happen. Having grown up with a mom and dad, and not imagining what I've become without both their inputs, I frown on bringing a child into a world with a single mom who is not wholly prepared to give the child the attention it should have. Personally, if in your position I would opt for the abortion.
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female
reader, Blueeyes2121 +, writes (26 December 2017):
 You are not wrong for wanting an abortion.
If you are pregnant make the choice that is best for you and the baby, only you can do that. No other person can say what resources, or how your life will be years from now and how they may or may not help.
As a side note, please be safe for future (condoms) men in college can say dumb things for sex at times. STDs and future pregnancies can be avoided. You sound like a motivated young lady with a bright future.
Good luck!!!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (25 December 2017):
 Take the test first. Your period could be late because of stress. It's happened to my friend once and she was absolutely convinced that she was pregnant but thankfully for her, it was negative.
Nevertheless, even if it's positive, you're not a bad person for wanting an abortion. It's better to choose to not have the baby when you know you can't take care of it than have a kid that's unwanted and not cared for. THAT, in my opinion, is a million times worse. Make sure you have your boyfriend to support you throughout the process.
And please oh please don't have sex without a condom ever again... Unless of course you want the baby
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2017): I have to disagree with some of the posters here. I'm the one who had an almost identical situation to yours. The abortion did not affect me for the rest of my life as I knew I'd made the right decision for my circumstance. If you're not emotionally ready to have a baby then no amount of support or services will help you.
Ultimately it's up to you to make this decision. If you find you are pregnant take a couple days to think it through carefully. Make sure you can handle whatever choice you make. Best of luck.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 December 2017):
 Take the test.
And learn from this. I get that people don't like the "feel" of condoms but if THAT is the ONLY birth control available then don't be stupid and agree to no condoms. Pull out method is NOT a type of birth control. YOU CAN NOT rely on a guy to be responsible for YOUR body. YOU need to be smart, not only to avoid pregnancies but STD's. So SCREW it if a guy says I don't like condoms, you say I don't like STD's or getting pregnant. So either NO sex or .. condom on (and you might also consider getting on the pill so you are TWICE as safe).
If the test is positive, decide what you want to do. It's not for ANY of us to judge your choice. Because we will "suffer" none of the consequences. YOU will.
I do think you SHOULD tell him once you know it's positive. I think HE needs to be aware of what his "pull out" method resulted in. Or this guy will continue doing this to other girls thinking all is well with his "method"....
A pregnancy will change your life. And so will an abortion.
Either way, test first, then decide (maybe even talk with someone adult you can trust) and let HIM know too.
If you choose abortion, I'd advice you to get it done ASAP. And DO make sure you talk to someone who can offer counseling before AND after.
If you choose adoption, I'd advice looking into families asap as well.
If you in the end choose to keep the baby, sit down and make a budget and see if it's doable.
And no, you are not a terrible person. You are a young person who made a bad choice.
*chin up* and sorry you are in this dilemma.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (24 December 2017):
 You've learned the painful way what people who use the withdrawal method of "contraception" are called: parents. This is NOT a reliable method of contraception because semen can escape before actual ejaculation. If you didn't like the feel of condoms, there are lots of other contraceptives you could have used.
Your priority needs to be to find out if, indeed, you ARE pregnant. Many factors can cause a period to be late, including stress, so do the test so you know for sure. Having been in your shoes many years ago (my first boyfriend and I had a condom break while we were having sex and, sure enough, my next period was late), I can imagine how much panic you feel. Luckily mine was a false alarm, as I hope yours will be.
If it turns out that you ARE pregnant, please get as much support as you can from the university. You will not be the first to have fallen pregnant during your studies. Find out what options are available to you and then make a decision based on those options. Some universities offer childcare facilities so that students can carry on studying. It wouldn't be easy but it would be do-able if you were determined.
Some people can have an abortion (or even numerous ones) without any regret, while others regret it for the rest of their lives and can be severely and deeply affected by it. It's all down to the individual.
I understand your fear of letting down your mother but I am sure, like most mothers, she will come round if you do decide to keep the baby. It will, after all, be her grandchild.
It will be you who will be responsible for this new life so you need to make the decision which is right for you. Please don't base it on fear. If you truly do not want the baby, then that is fine. That is your choice. However, if you are only considering an abortion out of fear, then do some research and find out what help is available.
If it does turn out this is a false alarm (I hope so much it is), then PLEASE get reliable contraception and NEVER have unprotected sex again until you are ready to be a parent.
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (24 December 2017):
The decision to have an abortion is a terrible position to be in but it doesn’t make you a terrible person. Whatever decision you make I wish you the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2017): Take a pregnancy test first and no you are not a terrible person for wanting an abortion given your situation.I had a situation that is identical to the one you're in now. Years ago I was in college and it happened to me. Having neither the emotional nor monetary means to support a child, not to mention the disappointment my parents would have felt, I made the decision to have an abortion. I've never regretted that decision. IMO, you are doing the sensible thing!No matter the outcome, take this as a lesson learned and use some form of birth control in the future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2017): No, you're not a terrible person. You are, however, a bit of a silly person for doing all this worrying without doing the very basic step of taking a simple pregnancy test.
Take the test. Confirm one way or the other. Then get back to us with actual knowledge instead of imagining dramatic scenarios.
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A
male
reader, DarrellG +, writes (24 December 2017):
 I am not going to hide anything. I am pro-life so while I cant agree with your decision for obvious reasons neither am I going to condemn you as a terrible person. Your just as flawed, broken and occasionally idiotic as the rest of us are. Please dont take my words as agreement though because they are not agreement. I think understandably you have alot going on in your head right now and you need to sort through it and I would urge you to do that. First you need to find out if you are obviously then if you are please weigh your options. Keeping the baby doesnt mean you have to raise it, there is always the adoption option and please do weigh the life of this potential unborn child in your considerations. It didnt ask to be brought into this situation and while all you have said has a logic to it, none of this means it has to die. I am sure you are a good person in a bit of a mess so I will wish you the best of luck and express my full confidence that your conscience will guide you to the right solution.
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