A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:family help me understand where I went wrong? How do I move on? My heart is broken I can't stop crying:( so my bf and I were dating for 11 months, he pressured me to get married. We started our wedding plans but I said we should stop cause he changed. He took me to meet his family and they were all excited about us but I didn't want to rush it cause he needs a permanent stay and I want to get married to a man who loves me truly so I was just praying about it. I love this guy, we had a really good relationship so I thought he made me believe we had a future together and that he was a strong Christian and not just for visa. He started changing gradually, he will just act so serious, I couldn't even joke with him and the most frustrating thing is what he says is final, he doesn't care about what I say or think. Each time I try to explain to him he says I don't understand him. On Saturday we had argument and I said to him we can't get married if he keeps saying he's the man and what he says is final, he told me to find someone else then I said I will. I hung up and he texted me I wish you all the best bye. He blocked my number and also on whatsapp. I've never been treated so poorly in all my life. The love and relationship and everything was fake I guess. The most hurtful thing is I was single and a celibate for 3years and had guys after me for marriage but I chose him (no good looking, but i thought he had personality) cause he seemed really sweet and caring but I guess I was wrong:( I've been crying so much I feel so much anger and hurt in my heart. Where did I go wrong? Why did he have to come into my life and hurt me like this? I don't think I can ever trust any guy again:(??????I've been asking God to keep him away is he's not my husband and I guess God is working huh?
View related questions:
celibate, christian, move on, text, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2016): "Where did I go wrong?"
You didn't go wrong. HE's the one who did by using the guise of religion to weasel his way into your affections for his own benefit. Shocking, I know.
"I don't think I can ever trust any guy again"
Any guy can tell you he's a Christian; what you need to do believe what he DOES and not what he SAYS. If you get to know a guy for who he really is and not what he says he is, then you'll know who can be trusted, and more importantly, who can't.
Not that I'm speaking for God, but I'd guess maybe He wants you to understand and appreciate that being a Christian is not a label you apply to yourself but a way of living your life. Religion is much more than praying to God for personal favors; to be truly faithful requires a lot of much hard work and effort as well as the expectation that your faith will be tested, often and severely.
A
male
reader, DarrellG +, writes (30 August 2016):
 Agree with PuffinMuffin, you need to use discernment and not get distracted by what is going on on the surface, I understand you seeking the commonality but that doesnt mean it is right.
...............................
A
male
reader, PuffinMuffin +, writes (30 August 2016):
It's plain you got suckered here, and also that you got a bit too fixated by him being a Christian without questioning what his religion means to him, how he interprets it, etc. It does sound suspiciously as if he wanted to use religion as a means of control, which is a terrible thing. You're best steering well clear of someone trying that.
There's good and bad Christians, as well as good and bad any other sort of people.
As for what God wants, I cannot comment being as I am an Atheist, but I know that not only terrible things happen, but lots of good stuff happens too.
...............................
A
male
reader, DarrellG +, writes (29 August 2016):
I think we can safely say that his man did not come from God and that in keeping him away, I am more than happy to say yes, God is clearly working to protect you as his child. I make no apologies for speaking to you as a fellow believer now because I can tell your faith is strong, and that does you credit. You are saving yourself for marriage. Good on you. Your mistake wasnt there. Your mistake was thinking you should make the choice - the choice is Gods, and his alone, one many for one woman this is how things work so there is someone out there for you BUT who that is...well that is down to the Lord and the Lord alone. If you read the Songs of Soloman, they clearly tell of divinely mandated and approved love....so amoung all of Solomans many wives...the Lord only approved of one. Because that was his choice. I think in terms of choosing your spouse next time you need to pray and pray hard and follow the guidence of the Spirit in your heart, use your discernment. Now you need to let the Lord in to heal your broken heart, tell him that next time you will ask him what he wants for you. You will heal. Good luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 August 2016):
 You have had a lucky escape, I know that it does not seem like that at the moment and you are hurting, but it will get easier. He wanted a visa, simple as that. He did not care about hurting you in the process. Not all men are like this. You are hurting at the moment, but you will get over him, and you will see that you have actually been lucky and never married him. Take this time now to allow yourself to heal and move on from this horrible human being.
...............................
|
