A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So the most horrible thing in my entire life just happened. I lost the reason why I live, I lost my girlfriend. We broke up because she caught me using a gay chat site, and on a webcam site. I've done this to her before and absolutely regret it all. I'm straight, I know that for a fact. I use to think I was bisexual but soon I realize it was all a jealousy thing towards better looking guys. This feeling I have for her, I can't get with a guy. She has every right to not want to be with me and I think she deserves better but we both know that we're absolutely perfect for each other. She's done so much for me and I've done so much for her and she loves me to death and so do I. We've been going out for 2 years and a month now. Please help me with this, I don't want to lose her, I honestly can't live without her, she's my air my water my necessity of life.My only reason for doing this is because lately I felt unappreciated by her. But stupid me didn't realize that she did and does and will always appreciate me but I let my anger get a hold of me.I've done this before about three months ago. She says that the 2 reasons she can't be with me is because 1)she thinks im Bi and Im not telling her or dont know myself and 2)she thinks I'm gonna do it again. I am 1000% sure that I'm not gay or bi i noe Im straight but its hard for her to believe rigth now. It's unbelievably hard going through this for the both of us because we both care about each other.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (12 October 2010):
Hi there. The question I am wondering is why did you choose a gay website if you know you aren't gay or bi?
I guess it probably doesn't really matter, because you believe that you are not either of them anyway, so there's no apparent threat to the security of your girlfriend.
However you do have to be honest with yourself that you are not really attracted to other men, before you can really resume with your relationship with your girlfriend. If there is any lingering doubt, that has to absolutely cleared up before you even consider going on with your girlfriend again.
I can understand that she would have doubts, and those doubts would be - Why visit a gay/bi-sexual chat website in the first place? Why visit any website for that matter? You could have built up your self-esteem in far more postive ways than doing that. It seems inappropriate. It seems inappropriate because you seem so adamant that you are not gay or bi. This is really the issue your girlfriend has, and that you have visited that site before. There would of course, be considerable doubt by your girlfriend because of this.
What needs to happen now, is that you honestly work out what it is you really want from life, and the relationship with your girlfriend. How you would like the relationship to unfold. Work out what's missing, what you like and don't like. These things all need to be considered. Do all this thinking while you are on your own. Even if you have to write some of these important things down on paper, so you don't forget.
Relationships can sometimes go stale because people don't talk about what bugs them about the other person. Instead they feel that if they were to say something, they would be thought of as nagging or criticizing. No-one wants to feel that way. What people often do instead of talking about it, is just swallow it and then it becomes resentment. Resentment slowly poisons a relationship over time.
Once you sort out what and who you want, then it's time to approach your girlfriend to have a serious discussion and to reassure her that you won't be doing that again. She really does need that guarantee. Especially as you have done it before. Don't just make a promise that you can't keep. You probably did that last time - remind yourself of that. Which is why this has happened now - the breakup. If you do get back together and you did do it again, that would most assuredly by "The End".
And remember that when you do talk, use love, kindness and respect and don't get angry or upset - stay calm. Consider each other's feelings. Be clear in what you say so there's no misunderstandings between you. And most important of all, be completely open and honest about what you are feeling. You must say everything that is on your mind - don't hold anything back.
It would be wise to give her some space now, maybe a few days to a week, for her to cool down a bit, then approach her to have this talk when you are really ready to do so.
I sincerely hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (12 October 2010):
 Well I hate to say it, but you did get caught once... you did have a chance to change and learn from your mistake, yet you didn't...
Why?
You may not view yourself as bi or gay, but you are certainly curious. Either way, I don't understand what you mean by:
"it was all a jealousy thing towards better looking guys", so there's a damn good chance she also doesn't understand.
Figure yourself out, or at least a figure out a logical way to explain it to her and why its no longer an issue. It probably goes without saying, but if she does get back with you- never, ever visit these sites again or give her a reason to question your sexuality!!
Best of luck dude
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 Ok so if i found my boyfriend on webcam to another man then yes off course she is going to think you are bi, this is in her head now and am afraid it is going to be very hard for her to forget this one, she is probably afraid to get back with you for the fact that in a few years time you will discover you are gay and leave her heartbroken so she is trying to get over you now.
Am afraid there is not a lot of advice i can give you on this one. You need to be totally honest with her and explain to her in detail exactly why you did this and tell her it has made you realise you are not gay or bi. Im afraid then its up to her if she wants to give things another go just have an open and honest chat with her.
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