A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok i am totally aware as to how ridiculous this is but omg help!!So im in a long distance relationship, been with him now for 2 years (both our longest relationships so far)and we see each other not often but atleast take 3 holidays per year to go visit (as in 2/3 week holidays) I trust him completely and vice versa.Anyway i always wonder about his previous relationships but he never tells me anything cuz he says he hates his past. Yesterday I asked him who's got the best ass that you have personally seen. He says Ashleigh (Ashley). Like who the heck is she? so i ask, its an ex girlfriend he dated for just over a year. I was ok with it at the time but....OMG today is a different story.I cant stop thinking about this. Why is her ass better than mines? What does hers look like to make it the best ass he's seen? BLAH BLAH BLAH....Is it maybe because he got to grab and see her ass much regularly than mines? I dont know, he loves my ass and even said after he said her name well urs comes close or even but then I was just like yeah thats only because you said another girls name as the answer.How do I shake this feeling I know have??Should I confront him and tell him what Im thinking or how do I ignore it or just ergh help, please.
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ex girlfriend, his ex, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dr Socializing  +, writes (11 December 2010):
From an Aussie's perspective: don't ask what you are unprepared for an answer to be. You know the old, "Hey honey does this dress make my butt look big?" and the reply is "No honey you make the dress look small!" Men a laman in their explanations and women can take it the wrong way. Some men lack tact, he probably thinks you can take his replys. Frankly, mine is about to get a taste of it next time he mentions to me how beautiful his ex is! I am about to use this script,"Are you aware how many times you begin with the sentence How beautiful my ex is, to me? If not from a purely analytical perspective I can only guess the following 1: That you have a thing for her still and you are not over her, 2: That you are attempting to insight jealousy in me. Either way how Beautiful your ex is, is not small talk I am ever going to engage in again with you." Males are aware of what they are saying being it coming from an ego base. Tackle anything you don't like him saying or doing in a controlled manner at the time, so he doesn't manipulate you into feeling suddenly insecure and lacking of self-confidence. You know what, here in Australia, I am a public figure and I know for a fact that I am beautiful but when my partner says what he says....its not jealousy...I am looking for his motives in saying such and I have determined its a litte bit of power play and control. Men love mind games, so out smart him and take the power back and don't reduce yourself to his level. Sometimes it is not a mater of being attached to your past, some can interpret it as being his male way of telling you what he has had and can have to gain control and feed his ego. Hope it helps....but my man is about to get a tongue lashing the minute he says it again.
A
female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (21 October 2010):
A lot has been said already but i thought i should still say a little something. I dont blame you for asking him that question, and i dont blame him for giving that answer either. Were you expecting to have a perfect body? Even if he lied youd be comfortable about it? Its better he's honest and realistic. Mentioning an ex girlfriend doesnt mean he loves you less. I know as women we want to be treated as queens always but be honest: dont you sometimes admire some hot guys on tv? But would you rather be with them? Probably not. You still love your bf even if he doesnt have a six pack (just sayin), and you think he's sexy and you're proud of him. Its the same on his side: Ashley might have a great ass, but so what? He doesnt care about her anymore, he cares about you, and between her and you, he chose you and he'd rather be with you, thats why he's been committed to this LDR for two whole years, and he will stay some more. So please, relax!
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 Don't ask questions to which you don't want to know the answer. He's being honest, maybe too honest, but at least he's honest. You shouldn't have asked if you didn't want the answer. Since he's done nothing wrong other than be honest, you've got to let it go. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't like your butt just fine. He's with you, not her. Now drop it.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 October 2010):
Don't ask questions to which you don't want to know the answer. He's being honest, maybe too honest, but at least he's honest. You shouldn't have asked if you didn't want the answer. Since he's done nothing wrong other than be honest, you've got to let it go. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't like your butt just fine. He's with you, not her. Now drop it.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (21 October 2010):
 Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the nicest ass of them all?
Your first mistake is you went poking at the past. Leave the past alone! Girls make that mistake so much, hell even I did. From woman to woman, let the past stay in the past.
So you went fishing for a compliment, or maybe giving him a little test. Now you know those tests backfire on you. Good news, you got one honest boyfriend, be thankful for that in a LDR. Now, he isn't too sharp and didn't answer the question correctly. Yeah your a little mad and insecure over this Ashley chick..But like others said she could have a great ass but an ugly face.
If this is the only problem you got in your LDR, then you have it made in this LDR. Most other woman have communication or trust issues with their men.
He didn't think before he spoke, we're all guilty of this. Get him a break and brush off this comment. Don't ask these questions again!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (21 October 2010):
 "Don't ask a loaded question if you can't handle a loaded answer."
Perfect answer Jmtmj! That's why I set ground rules about questions I refuse to answer...
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 Young men are silly and immature. They usually will tell you the "truth"; which means they haven't learned to tell little white lies yet. It's not until they have been married for a few years that they learn NOT to answer questions truthfully, like "Does my butt look big in this?" or "Do you think she's pretty?". A seasoned husband would answer no - at risk of being in the doghouse for the next week.
To your young bf simply made the mistake of answering your question like it was a normal conversation and you were curious about his answer.
In YOUR mind, all you wanted was to hear that you have a great butt, and in your vanity, you were hoping it was yours or that at least, he was bright enough to figure this was trick question and you were begging for a compliment! You CERTAINLY would NEVER make the mistake of confusing your whole relationship or doubting him over this one answer now, would you? Really? Everything else is great and you completely trust him. Why are you looking for cracks in his shining armour? This is just silly and argumentative. DROP IT!
In the future, you need to word your questions with the understanding that he is going to answer it with brutal honesty! So, next time, the question that you were looking for; for the answer that you WANTED to get... WAS...
"Do you like my butt?"
That would get you "I LOVE your butt, Hunnie!".
See how simple life can be?
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (21 October 2010):
 Don't ask a loaded question if you can't handle a loaded answer.
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A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 if my wife asked me the same question, i could not lie to her.
it would be J Lo .....no contest. but then my wife would laugh her head off.
you need to do the same.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 Your boyfriend is naif because he did not get this is a version of mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest of them all , and the only correct answer would have been : Yours my queen. Your ass is the best of them all.
But ,other than his naivety, you have nothing to reproach him and nothing to worry about.
So, maybe in the world there an ass which is better than yours . And ?....
I have an ex who has the most incredible blue - turquoise eyes I have ever seen on any human being. If people ask me who's got the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen, I'd say his. Fact is fact. But : do I care about him him ? No.
Do I miss him ? No. Would I take him back ? No.
Don't say anything to your bf, you would look really insecure and immature.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (21 October 2010):
 When you ask questions like this, you need to be prepared for the answer to upset you. Even if he had said another woman's name instead of his ex, or a celebrities name, you would still be on here asking "why does he like megan fox's butt more than mine?" etc. It really does not matter what name he said, the answer would have still annoyed you and you would be feeling the same way as you are now.
So the lesson to learn from this - stop setting yourself up to get hurt. Asking questions like this will only lead to you getting upset - so stop asking silly questions and you will never feel this way again!
Yes his answer was a bit stupid (most men would have the common sense not to say their ex girlfriend but then again, men are naturally more honest than women and will just say what they are thinking) - but you set yourself up for this. It is a sign of emotional immaturity when you ask questions all the time about ex's and try and get your partner to compare your body to parts to other womens, and it also shows some insecurities on your part. You need to learn to deal with these yourself - your boyfriend is not to fault here and confronting him would only make think you are a bit mad.
In his eyes - you asked so he told the truth. For you to be upset about it goes completely against male logic and he would not understand, because this is female insecurity playing out here not anything logical. So dont confront him, it will only cause a row and make you look a bit bonkers in his eyes.
And learn your lesson - if you know you are not going to like the answer, dont ask the question! So never fish for information about his ex's, celebrities he likes etc as this will only lead to problems.
Instead realise that you have been together 2 years, you love each other therefore he is not interested in his ex's or anyone else but you. Men dont stay with a woman long term unless they really like the girl and see a future with them, so clearly you are miles better in every way than his ex's. And remember - ex's are ex's for a reason - none of them were right for him. So keep that in mind at all time, and instead of being the crazy insecure girlfriend be the perfect girlfriend who is totally right for him - because thats how he sees you in his eyes.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): Before answering your question, I'm intrigued as to someone so young manages to get them selves hooked up a guy they cannot date or see on a regular basis - NOT a critique, but those that usually have long distance relationships, such as yours are due to being forced apart, by other than the obvious - as in the guy being in the military, one has just had a job offer and couldn't turn it down, or IF at your age, the family moves.
I don't know though, I wonder if any of those apply to you, as you say get at least 2/3 week holidays a year..Is that all? Do you see each other at any other time at all? If not a relationship YOU are INVESTING in heavily, is based on 21 days per year out of 365..just curious that's all - and I'm feeling may be you hooked up via the internet, opposed to meeting him in your home-town where YOU at least got to know him very, very well before you were parted through distance.
Still- that was NOT your question, so forgive me, I'm merely curious about the situation you find yourself in.
Ok your question about ' Ashley's butt over yours' Well I have a rule, that IF I ask a question, I must be PREPARED for an ANSWER I won't like, otherwise don't ask the question if you feel you may be upset, offended or mortified IF the person answering the questions doesn't say what you want to hear, as in YOUR CASE.
Personally it would be NO problem for me - but you are you, my guy saying he thought some ex had a the best butt, might for a few seconds make me think, Oh, why is mine not the best, but hey, best butts aside, he's NOT with her, he's with you. And lets face it he could have said Beyonce or some other woman, would that have affected you less, NO I don't think so, as I think you thought he was probably going to say yours. But ( excuse the pun) he told the truth, and good for him, meaning, that he answered from the heart, without thinking about what HE thought he should say, and for me that shows he's demonstrating honesty!
Don't let it worry you too much, although I suspect it is, because you don't see him that often, and you feel a little low of REAL affection opposed to VIRTUAL ( email/phone/text) which can never take the place of real dating.
Please try not to worry too much - IF you're happy, then ENJOY it, life has a way of finding things that can wipe happiness away at any given time, we don't need to look for situations to do it for us..
Good luck!
Jilly
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (21 October 2010):
 Sorry, but this is ridculous. Particularly since everything appears to be going well with your boyfriend.
Haven't you got anything better to worry about? If not, for pity's sake, let it go!!
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A
male
reader, Viajante  +, writes (21 October 2010):
He is a moron, he should never really have said that.
On the other hand, you're being stupid and immature too. If she's an ex, there's a reason for that. Maybe her ass is slightly better, but she's a bitch. Her boobs sag, she's full of cullulitis, who knows? I am Brazilian, and nobody likes asses more than us. But an ass is just a part of a woman.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (21 October 2010):
Sorry, but this is ridculous. Particularly since everything appears to be going well with your boyfriend.
Haven't you got anything better to worry about? If not, for pity's sake, let it go!!
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