A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my wife of 11 years has started to go on social networking sites various this includes web caming not to much to worry about i know but she got into a web relationship including web sex i wasnt a good husband due to the duress of shift work and the bad moods that come with that well i found out and we have resolved it and things were good for some months but i found out she has taken this to a new level buy having guys no who lives locally which i know she talks about her woes to im 39 and he is younger anyway i want some help how to approach this she dosnt know im so worried that she will take it to the next level can anyone help Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): She is a useless bimbo. Kick her to the curb. You don't need this.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): I have to say I agree with the last posting on this one ( male reader Defeated) that IF this was a GUY who had web cam relationships,was on social networking sites and MARRIED, HE WOULD BE HELD UP as a REALLY BAD HUSBAND, NOT to be trusted, and that the wife deserved MORE.
Yet I'm FINDING Increasingly and I'm FEMALE, that females generally have ONE rule for females and another for guys - the female needs to be understood more, that something is missing for her, and the husband should bend over backwards to make amends...but Whoaaaaa..Reverse it, and the GUY is no good!
This woman is married and the SAME applies to her - she either acts like a married woman or she ships out, and give this poor husband of hers, who trying to do all he can to keep a job and roof over their head a chance to be with a woman who appreciates that, instead of trying to HOOK UP with other men.
Jilly
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A
male
reader, defeated  +, writes (21 October 2010):
ok this is a easy one, she made a commitment to u as a wife to have no other above u so with that being said tell her there is no grey area in a relationship(ie thing are no good, stress and all that) she can either act as ur wife or she can be ur ex wife
its funny how when a guy messes around either with someone or via internet he is a pig or a dog, but if a woman does it there must be something missing.
true is the one messing around either on the internet or with someone, man or woman, they are both a ho and thats the black and white truth no grey area
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): Well you may have been a let-down, as YOU SAY here, but is that due to necessity as in not being able to find work that would enable you to be at home more, because you have struggled with being the bread winner (only bread winner) because life got you down through having to work shifts and being thoroughly unhappy....or just because you are a bad, miserable, unreasonable guy?
I SUSPECT IT'S NOT THE LATTER, but the former reasons where due to for whatever reason you had to change your work pattern to remain working.
You have already proven your willingness to improve things with your wife by stating you tried to resolve the issues between you and your wife, and that things for some months seem to have improved.
Now I don't KNOW WHERE it is YOU who NEEDS to CHANGE, as you have clearly demonstrated CHANGE, to the point you are asking for advice from DC as you obviously feel some what let down that as much as you have tried to resolve issues YOUR WIFE is STILL NOT BEHAVING LIKE A WIFE but a single woman.
In all this, WHEN has you wife worked to HELP keep the possibility of you NOT being in shift work?
Does your wife work at all?
Why do you think it's acceptable for a wife to have ' web cam' relationships over the internet?
What is your wife doing on social network sites, is to KEEP in touch with relatives the other side of the world, or as I SUSPECT to be contact guys online?
A wife or husband does NOT look for guys or females locally when and IF there marriage is going through difficulties, that I'm afraid is what marriage is about - WORKING THROUGH ISSUES TOGETHER not with those of the opposite sex - I NOTICE there is NO mention of FEMALES she hooks up with to share and discuss her problems, and the reply that suggests it basically YOU who needs to change is beyond me.
I'm FEMALE and I do not side with women - I LOOK at what is being said if it seems one-sided, and in YOUR case, I do feel this one-sided. Of course you are NOT perfect, but this acceptance that is it perfectly ok for a wife when feeling a bit down to LOOK for the opposite sex on social networking sites, is not acceptable!
Perhaps IF she spent LESS of her FREE TIME on such sites and sitting down with YOU and discussing ways to improve your relationship, them may be YOU would not feel so low on self-esteem, and see yourself as being more worthy of NOT having a wife, who sees the answer to their problems OUTSIDE her marriage.
She is playing a very dangerous and immature game, and my suggestion would be is YOU talk to her seriously about all this, and what she sees as foundations for a marriage, as she is not behaving like a wife. Perhaps counselling would be the next step, but you would need to establish IF she was willing to go along with this - if not, you can go alone, but it works best when the couple AGREE they both want to save their marriage.
I'm sorry work has been tough for you, I know how important it is to a man's self-esteem, life is never easy, yet you have still managed to LOOK for ways to improve your marriage.
I really hope you resolve this, as you seem a nice genuine guy.
Good luck with this one!
Jilly
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A
female
reader, CODEMONEYS  +, writes (21 October 2010):
web caming means she is seeking attention
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