A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Some women like porn and don't mind if their bf's look at it. This does not apply to those women. This is for the rest of us, the majority. Those of us that HATE PORN and HATE HOW IT MAKES US FEEL ABOUT OURSELVES.Seriously, after all the excuses and self lies ...When are men going to realize that porn viewing seriously and adversely affects the women in their lives??Men want us to be "more open" in bed. They want us to "not hold back". They want us to practically swing from the chandelier!Let me tell you something, men: Women need to feel sexy and attractive in order to be more open, more aggressive, more everything you want. And, you know what else?? Knowing that you would watch some 17 year old play with herself and think that's hot... makes us feel NOT HOT.One day, all you're going to have left is your laptop and a wash cloth... because we're going to get fed up and stop putting out!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): I am the OP.
Thank you for accepting my apologies about the CAPS and the broad generalization of "men".
Thank you, also, for the good advice.
We really haven't talked about it because I know I will start crying and it will make him feel worse about it than he already does. He knows he hurt me bad (and, I should add, there was never a misunderstanding as to whether or not I'd be cool with porn... he knew I was against it and he also knew how hurt I'd been by it in the past. He lied to my face about it. And that hurts as much as any of it). But, to his credit, he came clean when confronted and he was ashamed at some of the things he had progressed to looking at). He is a good man and he was going down a bad path and he knew it.
I do have major self-esteem issues. I realize that's where a lot of my hurt and anger stems from.
I really don't want to dwell on it. What I really want is to get over it (now that he's been "clean" for over a year) and not feel the way I do about myself and him and my "feelings" about what I think he thinks about my body and the way I look.
I guess I want to feel the way I did before I knew. I want that complete trust back and I just can't seem to get over it in my mind.
I'm going to keep trying. He's a good and decent man; a wonderful person with a big heart. He treats me like a queen and tells me every day how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. He's worth the work it will take me to get past this.
Thank you, all, again for your advice--even the rude stuff-LOL.
A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (12 August 2011):
 I really think you should take maverick494 advice. Communication is key to any healthy relationship and seeing as how you haven't talked about this issue for a year, how is he going to know you feel the way you do? It may be a difficult conversation, but I am sure it will be worth it.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (11 August 2011):
Thanks for clarifying, OP. I can understand your vantage point now and that gives me more to work with.
To be honest, I think he's fine with the way you are. Now, I don't know what porn he's watching but a lot of porn is has women with big boobs and men in who are in good shape. If you are supposed to get insecure about your body because of those women, he should be feeling the same about those young studs with better bodies than his. Seems that he isn't. It also looks like he isn't expecting you to look like those women either, probably doesn't even want you to look like them.
When we watch movies, we often see beautiful people. TV series, same deal. Even reality shows have good looking people. Now, you can choose to feel terribly inferior to those people, or you can accept yourself for who you are and embrace the positive things about you. I know this is hard. As a teen I used to beat myself up terribly because I didn't look like those desirable girls in magazines. I really think you should try to work on your self esteem and try feeling better about yourself. I think this is PART of the problem.
Now the other part is obviously the porn. You hate it. That's your opinion, it's not going to change, that's simply the way you feel about it. Talk to him about it. Ask him what it is that makes porn so alluring to him. Try to understand his side of the story too. After that, try to make a compromise. You work on your self esteem and he does something about the porn use.
If he doesn't understand tell him what you told us, that his porn use makes you feel very inferior and that though you try not to let it, you can't help but keep feeling this way and it's hurting your self esteem and sex drive. Really explain in detail what makes it such a problem to you. Because like I said, understanding is the first step in changing behavior.
I hope this helps!
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female
reader, poiuyt  +, writes (11 August 2011):
There are so many questions regards to porn related issues, and having been there myself, I reply to a lot of them. I'm going to repeat exactly what I answered to someone elses question recently as it is relevant to your post also...It's so sad that so many of us have been in this position, I'm only 22, my boyfriend looked at porn time after time, sworn on my life he'd stop, his problem continued until he seeked psycotherapy, which finally put it to an end. But I can no longer feel confident around him, it's destroyed our sex life, I'm no longer aroused by him, I feel ashamed and dirty undressing infront of him. Things haven't been the same since and it's been a year, I still cannot feel comfortable around him. I'd forgiven him time after time and each time I felt more hurt than the last. He's 32, and the last thing he looked at was pictures of a 15 year old prostitute. At that point I felt sick when he touched me.I saw a professional counciler, and she told me that this is a very common problem in relationships and that over 80% of her clients suffered low self esteem problems due to their partners porn problems, and she advised me a long time ago to part ways as it will do me no good. I've only just took this advice, and sorry for ranting on about my own story, but sometimes it helps to share different experiences.Like Person12345 says, it's hard when you go into a new relationship and think it's clear that your partner is not using porn to respect your wishes, because so many people hide it and lie about it. But the way I look at it, having felt what you, and many other women have felt, I'd rather be on my own than feel so insecure and dissrespected with someone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2011): I am the OP.Sorry about the CAPS--I'm just so upset and writing doesn't seem to convey my thoughts appropriately. When I CAPS, it's not so much that I'm yelling... it's more of an emphasis, a begging, tearfully hoping that someone will please understand that my heart is broken. I am devastated. It won't happen again. I do apologize.I tried to go back and explain that I had not meant to generalize all men and all relationships. I'm only talking about men that know ("know" would have been in CAPS, but I'm trying to be good) I'm talking about men that know that their porn use is constantly hurting their woman--over and over. And that, even when they quit looking, the hurt stays for a very long time. I'm talking about men that want to have a woman that really gets into sex--a woman that's not afraid to let go and live for the moment in bed. And a woman that totally loves him and wants to share the most intimate part of herself with him and only him.How can I do that now? How can I go back to feeling sexy and desirable when I know that I could never compare to those young women/girls? I feel old, used up and unattractive because he wasn't looking at 40 year olds, or even 30 year olds...not one search query read "over 40"-just sayin'. The word "young" appears most of the searches. I cannot get it out of my head.My big question is: Am I now wasting both our time since I just don't feel the same way about him as I did before I found it? I mean I love him just as much as I ever did, maybe even more because he never blamed me for his porn use and he never accused me of "snooping" (which I didn't, I found it quite by accident--then I went snooping and found all of it). But he never turned it back around and blamed me (like another person did to me). He was remorseful and he has continued to treat me very, very well. He's really good to me.Besides the initial shock and break down that I had about it, we have not discussed it since (over a year ago). I just find myself shutting down when I start to feel "into" sex. We'll be cutting up and wrestling around, having a wonderful time and then "boom" my mind goes back to that day and I feel so ugly and old. Suddenly, I wonder if my stomach looks fat or if my boobs look like fried eggs because I'm lying on my back. And then, all I want to do is put on a big t-shirt and go to sleep. I have gotten to the point where I avoid those kinds of interactions because I don't want to have such negative thoughts about myself and about him. I should add: during the time he was viewing so much porn, we were having sex at least 3-4 days a week--so it's not like he should have "needed" to "relieve" himself. I guess I'll never understand.I love him so much. I was finally happy after many years of abusive relationships and being cheated on. I finally found "the one" I knew I could be myself with. I accepted him totally and completely. He's a very attractive 45 year old man. He's got a bit of a belly and the beginnings of man boobs and I still think he's the hottest guy on the planet. I really believe it would break his spirit if he caught me searching for "young hot males" on Google.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2011): Person12345 thank god for some sense in this debate
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 August 2011):
 "I cannot understand why anyone would want to control the sexuality of their partner or supposed loved one."
Expecting a partner to be monogamous is extraordinarily controlling as well, but that's considered acceptable. Why is telling someone that you refuse to be with them if they will not commit to a lifetime of never so much as touching another human being in a sexual way less controlling than asking someone not to seek out naked pictures of people for sexual satisfaction?
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male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (9 August 2011):
 There have been hundreds of articles and posts here on the subject of porn, and I believe there will be hundreds more. Many men and women generally seem to fail to understand each other's viewpoints. I have never been a woman, so I cannot get my head around why porn is perceived as such a threat to a relationship by many women.
So I would like to ask the OP: what do YOU think about when you masturbate?
A lot of the men have said they watch porn, they are visually stimulated, and use porn as a masturbation tool.
What do women use? Some use porn, but others use their imaginations. My partner can see what gets me hot, while I am completely in the dark, wondering what thoughts and images are getting her aroused. Is this a threat to me? Is her use of vibrators and dildos making me hurt and lowering my self esteem? Do I feel inadequate? Hell no!! I celebrate the fact that she is a sexy woman who feels comfortable enough to thrash around on the bed next to me, totally consumed by her own thoughts, and without my input. She even does it when I am too tired for sex (I'm getting old), and most definitely when we are apart.
The toys are not a replacement for me, as we still have lots of great sex. The vibrator does not make me feel bad about myself.
I watch porn occasionally. I do not try to hide that. If I want to watch a (17 year old?) porn actress masturbate, that is my choice. Does it mean I love my woman less? No. Does it mean I prefer the (17 year old?) actress's body to my womans? No. Does it mean I am going to dribble with lust at the screen? Not at all. It simply means I want to get turned on by MY thoughts, (like many women do), use MY imagination, (like many women do), and jack MYSELF off.
Like many women do.
I would never try to control the masturbation habits of my woman. I cannot understand why anyone would want to control the sexuality of their partner or supposed loved one.
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male
reader, frntloader  +, writes (9 August 2011):
 I would like to add my 2cents worth,
(I was almost 21 when I lost my virginity)
I was looking at porn and reading articles by "Xavier Hollander (*)" for example, when I hadn't even started having sex.
I am pleased to say my current partner is more than happy after her last two partners as she puts it "it was just sex". (and no we don't do out of the ordinary things because I have asked her dislikes and limits)
OP I can see your point however to ridicule the majority is harsh, I owe my initial sex ed' to porn and people like Xavier, OP and other ladies how many have heard of or experienced the "wam bam thank you mam" from your partners, I learned not to do that and much more from PORN.
I maybe wrong (please correct me if I am) but I have a feeling there is two sides to this story, OP is your partner looking at porn for other reasons ?, have you asked him if swinging from your dining room chandelier is what he is looking for ? Do you have good communication in and out of the bedroom ??
if all you need is wam bam thank you dear vanilla sex then I would hope no one will say anything against you or others as that is what YOU like.
I may well be totally wrong in all that I have said and humbly apologize if that is the case but that is how I see it.
(*) for those of us who are old enough to remember and also to the younger generation here "Xavier Hollander" was an "Agony Aunt" in early "Penthouse" magazines.
Apologies people my wording doesn't flow like some, it is my thoughts as they occur with a few adjustments to make some sense lol lol
OP please come back and tell us more so that we maybe of better help.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (9 August 2011):
 If I knew my husband visited chat rooms or contacted women for cybersex; he would be a dead man. That is personal one-on-one interacting with another person which to me is sex; even if there's no actual touching.
In general, porn doesn't bother me, and occasionally I watch it as well.
I get that men are visual creatures. To me, I'm not competing with these flat images because I know he picked me and has stayed with me for 40 years. I figure they are just foldouts in a magazine, staples in the navel, flat and one dimensional, turn the page or change the website and she's gone and I'm here in 3D and fully available - what chance does she stand in getting his attention if I am paying attention to my man? Not much!
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female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (8 August 2011):
 I'm completely with Red Athena on this one.
We are all responsible for our own self esteem. Our men are not responsible for making us feel good about ourselves.
Don't like a man that watches porn? Go find one that doesn't, but I'm sure you will have a hard time doing it.
If a woman goes up to her partner crying because she doesn't like him watching porn, then she should leave or accept who he is.
I know we are all different and have different expectations of each other. It may be that the woman who is bothered hasn't found her right parnter.
I could never be with someone who is bothered by me using a vibrator, so it would make sense for a man not to be with a woman who despises porn.
If a guy came up to me crying saying "You make me feel so bad when you use a vibrator" That would be a clear indication that the relationship is not going to work, why would i want to be with someone who resents the fact that I can give myself pleasure?
To be honest, I don't have a problem with porn, although I probably would if he watched it instead of having sex with me or was an addict. I would much rather he watched a girl getting cummed on her face than it happening to me!
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (8 August 2011):
OP, if you hate porn so much, find yourself a man that doesn't do it/is willing to give it up for you. Problem solved.
Truth is, opinions on porn use differ immensely (as this thread and many, many others can attest to) and if one rant of yours could get everyone to lean towards one side it would be a simple world indeed. But as it stands it's not simple, there are many individuals with their own individual opinions, opinions that may differ from yours. Writing words in CAPS LOCK isn't going to change that. I honestly don't get what you're trying to achieve here.
If your man is hurting you with his porn use, explain to him why exactly it is hurting you so much so he can understand where you're coming from. Understanding is the first step to changing behavior. A person will only bend to your will if you give them a good reason to.
As for the other women getting hurt by porn use, that's their problem to solve, not yours. I can tell you one thing for certain. This rant will not solve it for them.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (8 August 2011):
I'm not surprised at the hatred the OP is getting, but that doesn't mean she's wrong. Over half of women flat out do not want porn in their relationships, and a large portion of women who are OK with it still feel hurt by it. Porn is really wrecking a lot of modern relationships, shown by the fact that over 50% of divorces now cite porn as one of the major causes for the divorce. It's not as simple as saying women who don't like it shouldn't be with men who use since most women don't like it and most men use it. That creates a lot of lonely people. Further most users lie at least to some extent about their porn use (70% to be exact) so it's not easy to be selective on that basis.About the "get over it" comments, it's ludicrous to say that women should learn coping mechanisms and suffer immensely so men can make their masturbation slightly more fun than without. People are perfectly capable of masturbating without porn, they've been doing it since they evolved into primates. If a person physically can't masturbate without porn, that's pretty much the definition of an addiction or at least a dependence. And this isn't a male female difference. Porn has only been available to people who aren't extremely wealth for the past century or so, and it's only become common in the past 10-15 years. Even as recently as the 50's only around half of men had even seen pornography. Pornography is not a need, it is a habit. I see no reason either that if one person really wants to use pornography, he can't take some sexy pictures of his girlfriend.The amount of pain this can cause when used in isolation can be immense. Some women report feeling totally and completely devastated, some women self-harm or attempt suicide as a result of this. More women than ever are getting dangerous plastic surgeries on both their breasts and genitals to conform to what their partner is viewing. It's not uncommon for women to report sacrificing their own pleasure or comfort in bed just to try to better compete. Some women describe being so thoroughly devastated that they spend large parts of their day just worrying about this/obsessing over the issue. Often times it makes her totally unable to feel attracted to him anymore or loved. The grief and despair this causes is often on par with being cheated on. Except in this case not only does she have to feel bad for her partner's use, but she is also expected to feel guilty for feeling hurt. I've had random women on buses break down and start sobbing about this because it was so utterly devastating.To those posters who say that they don't compare their partners or it doesn't impact their relationship when their partner hates pornography, they're kidding themselves if they think knowingly inflicting this level of pain on their partners doesn't impact the way their partner feels about them or their relationship. Obviously that bit doesn't apply if your partner doesn't have an issue with it. And further, there are numerous extremely clear studies that show, without question, that using porn is isolation in a relationship significantly decreases a person's level of satisfaction with their own partner. These studies have been repeated numerous times over the past 20 years, always coming to exactly the same conclusion. There is no question about this. Porn use (at least when used alone) decreases satisfaction with your partner. Further there are numerous studies, surveys, and anecdotal evidence that in couples where this is an issue, stopping porn use increases the quality and amount of sex the couple has.OP don't let people tell you you're wrong, you're completely entitled to your opinion and certainly not the only one who has it (in fact most women hate porn). But you will get farther with your arguments if you use fewer caps.
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reader, Starmonster888 +, writes (8 August 2011):
 Interesting articles? No, to us it's naked people engaging in sexual activities and we don't find it interesting, we find it arousing. No need to sugar coat it. What OP needs to realise is that her arguement is equivalent to a man saying "when will women realise using vibrators makes us insecure because they can please longer than i can".
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (8 August 2011):
 You should know that men don't think about porn the same way women do. For them it's like reading a magazine full of interesting articles. They don't necessarily want their partner to be like the porn girls or do the things they do it's just something interesting for them to look at. It truly doesn't mean they love you any less.
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male
reader, Starmonster888 +, writes (8 August 2011):
Ummm, the reason OP is getting bashed is because she's presenting her opinion in a persecuting and accusing fashion. The whole "men who watch porn are ruining our self esteem!Go shag a laptop" thing isn't new to this site, and I would like to believe it's unwelcome too because it's bashing men who watch porn in relationships (they're people too...just to clarify).
OP SHOULD have posted the question as HER personal account in context to HER relationship. If she wants to vent, theres an article section.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2011): I am the OP.Besides the fact that I DID generalize men, when I meant to generalize PORN WATCHING men that hurt their women over and over (which, when rereading my OP, I see I was not clear about), I have no regrets about posting what I posted.How about this:To all men out there who have had their girl/wife come to them crying over knowing that you watch porn and you keep watching anyway:WAKE UP and realize that there is a real, flesh and blood woman that WANTS to be your INTIMATE partner and you are driving her away with your selfishness.You can say over and over that "it means nothing" "you are sexy" "it's just a past time"---whatever. IT HURTS AND YOU KEEP ON DOING IT and then wonder why she shuts down.YOU KNOW how she feels: it makes her cry, it makes her feel less-than, it makes her doubt her own sex appeal, it makes her self conscious. But, hey, it's your right to wank... so go for it.Again I say: get to know your laptop, because it's all you're going to have one day. Because there ARE men out there that want intimacy and true love--and I can guarantee you, they are not choosing porn over flesh and blood. One day your girl will find a real man and you will be "deleted history", just like your porn files.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2011): Believe it or not, there are some good men out there that will do the simple thing that is respecting their partner. Hard to find, but they exist.. in the meantime, check out this post, it's the best most thourough article on the porn problem, and the poster hit every nail on the head...
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-pornography-cheating.html
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2011): Honey, I wouldn't bother with the laptop and the washcloth if she hadn't stopped putting out.
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reader, krit  +, writes (6 August 2011):
 go through this post. its hands down conversation on porn on this site. IT would answer it all for you.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-there-no-middle-ground-when-it.html
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2011): Your opinion is great, but it isn't the majority. In fact, its 50/50. Think of it this way, lets say you're boyfriend really was going out with porn star. Lets say she was doing everything he wanted in bed. He would still be looking at porn. Its wired into their brains. Its a by product of evolution. When it comes down to it, we are animals, and our instincts are still there. Men were meant to spread their seed to every woman he could. Times have changed, but a mans instincts haven't. Would you rather have him go out and actually cheat on you? Or just look up a couple of sleazy girls on the internet who decided to videotape themselves? You don't like it, and if you don't like it so much than talk you your bf. He won't know you don't like it until you talk to him and explain how it makes you feel.
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reader, RedAthena +, writes (6 August 2011):
 *Raises a hand.
As a woman who has been with men who view porn...Im FINE with it.
Why? Because I am responsible for my OWN SELF ESTEEM.
I am ok with my guy watching porn and even watching it with him. (As long as the subject matter appeals to me too. Some of it wont)
There are many different reasons why men watch porn. As long as it is not interferring with OUR sex life. SO be it.
Frankly, I am grateful to some porn, it taught one lover how to do the most amazing ORAL!
If your guy is watching it and is constantly comparing you to a girl, act, etc...I can see how that would deflated your esteem. But, really ladies...guys HIDE the fact they watch porn from you because of your own issues and possible freakouts.
In a nutshell, it is not a mans JOB to make you feel secure about you or your relationship because he watches porn.
Leave him alone or just leave. Stop bitching about it.
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female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (6 August 2011):
 There's really no need to vent about this. Either you're okay with it or you're not. You know that most men like porn, so deal with it. You happen to be with one that likes porn and you knew it from the beginning. So deal with it and don't expect him to change his porn watching habits for you. You knew what you were getting yourself into. So deal with it or find another man. They're just movies. He can't jump into the screen and have sex with them, so stop feeling so insecure.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2011): When will women stop being selfish and let us watch our porn in peace.
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (6 August 2011):
Oh dear.
As a woman I hate posts like this which make ridiculous generalisations about men based on personal experience. Moreover these rants don't do any favours whatsoever to any woman who might have a problem with porn as this sort of polemic completely removes any impetus one might have to engage in a serious or considered discussion of the subject.
OP you have your own issues but presenting them in this way is only going to ensure that they are not taken seriously.
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female
reader, bunnyblueeyes +, writes (6 August 2011):
 I don't understand why men/ partners watching porn affects you so much. Have you never watched a film because an actor you think is gorgeous is in it? Have you never said this out loud to your partner?
Would you be willing to give up cake/excercise/socialising because it made your partner feel fat/lazy/lonely?
Do you not fantasies about anything?
If a man watches porn, a lot of the time there thinking of their partner doing to them what the girl in the films doing. If it something he enjoys, and you love him, why would you ask him to give it up?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2011): You say that we are selfish because we like to look at porn? 1. Is it selfish that some people like to own guns and others do not?2. Is it selfish that some men don't like to eat pussy, but still want blowjobs?3. Is it selfish for a woman to not want children, knowing that her husband does?4. Is it selfish for a woman to have a man raise a child that is not his own?Some women (millions worldwide) enjoy porn as much as men do. So speak for yourself and not other women, because you are totally in the dark.
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female
reader, sabra +, writes (6 August 2011):
Clearly you've got a lot of anger. Have you tried discussing this with him? If so, try again, but without focusing on what he's doing precisely...use phrasing like "When I see you excited about porn, it makes me feel (etc)" or "I feel really unappealing compared to the women in porn and feel even less inclined to do the things you request in bed." It sounds like stupid psychobabble, but the way you say things can really affect how it's interpreted. Don't feel bad about yourself, regardless. And for the record, it is a scientifically proven fact that men don't think the way women do. I'm sure he didn't know it was upsetting you so much.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (6 August 2011):
 Yes, evidently you're just not with the right guy. You've got a whole lot of anger going on and I don't think whoever this guy is that you're with is going to pull a miraculous change. There's too much anger here to suggest that. There are guys out there (like the females who don't disapprove of their fellas checking out porn - I'm one of them, but still, I understand how you're feeling) - they are in the minority, but they certainly exist!!! There is one out there waiting for you!
Even if the guy you are with is a great guy - my Mom always told me: "you may be a great girl, and he might be a great guy... but maybe you're just not each others great guy and great girl".
It's between looking elsewhere or finding ways to compromise and build your own confidence in yourself. I think that you must not be feeling wonderful because he's not treating you like the sexiest woman in the universe, who is all he could ever want. It's then that you KNOW those porn chicks are just tide-me-overs until you come along. So if you want to stick with him, you'll need to start independently doing things to make you gain confidence, you'll have to start being more vocal in what you want from him, he'll have to put an effort into making you feel noticed and incredibly sexy, and you'll have to give him some slack and some sort of outlet for his private time.
You're owed private time too! If you're not interested in masturbating via fantasy, porn, vibrator, whatever, okay. But that's your choice. He chooses to have private time with a little aid. There's got to be some compromise you can make. Get creative. If he's a good guy, he'll be open to suggestion.
Good luck!
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male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (6 August 2011):
 Porn ain't going anywhere and there will always be a majority of guys using it. So you can chuck a tantrum and lecture an entire gender, or you can accept what you can't change and focus on the things that you can.
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reader, Starmonster888 +, writes (6 August 2011):
Awesome, another one of these! Honestly, if I knew one girls's opinion on one guy's actions spoke for my whole gender, i would have stayed away from the penis section when God was handing out genders.
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female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (6 August 2011):
About a year ago, I would have agreed with you. I found out my fiance looked at porn and it hurt me so bad. We had fights about it for months and nothing ever changed. I was always trying to understand his point of view and he never tried to understand my point of view. Then, one day we sat down and talked about it without yelling and I told him I will never be able to accept his use of porn until he tries to understand my point of view. So he asked me how it made me feel. I started crying and so did he. He never knew how hurt I was about it. He even offered to stop looking at it. After our conversation, I didn't want him to stop, I realized the porn had nothing to do with me. And now, I even look at it myself. So, I agree with a lot of what Realist says. A lot of men don't like to discuss their porn habits with their girlfriends, but I honestly believe for your relationship to work you will need to talk to him about this. It's an uncomfortable conversation, but you may see porn in a different light afterwards. If not, you need to find a guy who finds porn as disgusting as you do and that will be harder than talking to your man about this.
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reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (6 August 2011):
I don't think you have found the right man for you
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male
reader, The Realist +, writes (6 August 2011):
 Wow all this question screams is that you and your man have an insecure relationship. I admit some people can't deal with the fact that porn is fantasy and they try to make their sex life just like that but the other 95% percent of people, men and women use it for their own personal time and realize that it isn't real. I don't look at the women in porn and want to find a gf just like that. To be honest I go to great lengths to search for more normal girls who I find attractive.
I am actually disgusted that you would dare generalize men like that. I used to watch porn with my gf and things were fine. It's not men's fault, the issue lies in the communication of what porn means to the person which is just as much your fault. Porn can be part of a healthy relationship and if there is a problem then it would have to be dealt with on an individual basis.
What needs to be realized is that porn is part of a persons personal time to masturbate which I beleive we are all entitled to. No one should have to lie or hide it and your issue seems to be that you think that is what he wants in life, which is far from the truth. I would say that most fantasies that guys have at least are things that may never happen, for example your man with a young (but legal) girl.
I'm sorry you feel so strongly about this but your opinion is flat out wrong for everyone except yourself and in my opinion you need to keep it to yourself or risk doing even more damage to your relationship without actually fixing any of the issues at hand.
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