A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a question for any married, or attached men out there who have had an affair-Did any of you have (or are having) a long term affair, and have fallen in love with the "Other woman", but still stay with your wife or girlfriend?If this is something you are going through, please tell me- if you were unhappy enough to look outside your relationship, and have a woman "on the side", why are you staying in your primary relationship?Please answer this completely honestly- I am "the other woman", so, needless to say, I would not presume to judge ANYONE.I guess my question is this: if you truly love the "other woman", and no longer love your spouse, why didn't you leave??
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just joined this site last night, so I am VERY new to this- I cannot thank you all enough for your honest answers- all of you were great, & I really appreciate the input, very much!
Love to all-
L
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2011): I would say that the married person has built a life and is enmeshed emotionally and financially in that life. Love may have faded but the life remains. The married person, unless there is unhappiness will cling on to that life even though they are having a relationship elsewhere.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2011): I think Daniel is on the money.
There were two very different sets of needs. I was open to the affair because there was no emotional nourishment in my marriage -- all her energy was going to the kids and her job. The OW gave me something that I'd been missing so long that I'd forgotten it existed. But in the end I chose the stability that my marriage offered. It was just too important to give my kids the best home I could, and leaving my wife wasn't going to do that.
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (6 August 2011):
 you should bail out for this reason, the man is having his cake and eating it too. he has the excitement and romance of an affair and also the stability and security of a marriage. you will never get what you want until you bail. once that is done you could offer to get back with him if he leaves his wife and only after he leaves his wife. if you are happy with what you've got then accept it. if it comes to a choice it's much easier to leave the other woman than the wife. I hope it works out for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2011): My brother is having an affair and he has told me that he wil NEVER leave his wife and kids for the OW.
He knows that we have all judged his mistress bec a woman who sleeps with another womans hb has no integrity. He tried to convinceme that his *hore is "nice"
I told him the ffg:
Show me a mistress who iS not "nice"
Show me a mistress that is not at her best when she is with another womans hb
Show me a mistress who doesnt just produce the sex, ever ready to please.
Show me a mistress who has replaced a wife and has successfully transinded into the role of a wife.
I opened my brother eyes to a life with a mistress. Previously he looked at her through rose tinted glasses and considered himself in "love" with her BUT after i started talking to him about the realities of a mistress he quickly realised that his mistress was there for the sex and that his wife and kids were just too precious to throw away for a skank.
My brother is a good man, family oriented and decent but he threw away his morals for a divorcee and almost threw away his life for her BUT i Am just so thankful that he started thinking with his head and not his dick.
The turning point was when i started calling him and started discussing his affair. That was his wake up call. The mistress thinks she has her claws in him, thinks that she is better than his wife, thinks that bec the sex is so good that she can and will replace his wife. But she has made an error of judgement.
OP u may want another womans hb and may believe that u are better than her. The reality is that men who cheat will always cheat. And their mistresses think that they can get their married man in the end BUt just read the stories here on DC , that happy ever after is just a pipe dream.
OP u say u do not judge BUT why are u not jugding yourself?
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 August 2011):
 I'm not having an affair but this one is very easy to figure out. So, if you can accept my answer here it is:
People stay married for a variety of reasons, and love is only one of them. I'm sure you've noticed that people stay married for financial interest; or because it would be expensive to divorce; or they can't live on one single paycheck; or they want to wait until their children have left the home; and many other reasons. Having someone on the side does not automatically mean the married person will leave. I know a bit about this, because having someone on the side used to be the rule for married men, who stayed unfaithfully married to their wives for their entire lives.
On a side note, and though this isn't what you're asking, the unmarried person, male or female, is always at a disadvantage. Meaning YOU, poster, are at a disadvantage here. He may not leave his wife, ever.
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