A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi...this is my first time seeking advice through the internet.I'm almost 20 years old. I applied for a job at a restaurant and I got the job and the general manager is 37. During the interview we made deeply eye contact and then once he hired me the staring could not stop..I know this is wrong and I knew it was wrong all along...we couldn't help it and we finally kissed. It was wrong but it felt so right. He would always call me to the office and we would talk and laugh...before we kissed We talked and I learned to know that he is married and has three beautiful kids. As we talked I just liked him more and more...now I strongly like him a year and a half have passed and we've messed around but have not had sex yet...even though I really want to...he is everything I want but I know he is not something I need when clearly he is basically cheating with meI just can't believe I fell for him knowing that is immoral and wrong...I would of never thought I'd be this kind of woman.... His oldest son is only months younger than me....but I just don't know what to do....I see the General manager everyday....he also gets jealous when guys leave their numbers in the restaurant or flirt with me at work... He is obviously attracted to me....he never talks about his wife ever since he kissed Me...We used to text all the time and his wife saw in the bill texts late at night so she called my number and told me that he is marrried....I lied to her and told her that nothing was going on and so did he....They are still together and we are still messing around.....should I have sex with him? I want to but I know it just going to make things wose.Always I can't recall when I haven't been attracted to older men, but this is actually the first time I've done such thingplease help!!
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (12 February 2013):
 You come on here and ask us if you should have sex with this married man?
UNBELIEVABLE.
Your common sense should tell you what you should do!
You have the nerve to tell us you have always been attracted to married or "taken" men, like a magnet, and dress provocatively. Oh come on! Take some responsibility for your behavior! Furthermore, do not tell us you can't help it. Because you darn well CAN help it.
If you think you can continue in the job with all this going on you are fooling yourself.
Finally, you say you haven't told your best friend who is like a brother to you. I'm not surprised - he'd probably be disgusted.
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (11 February 2013):
Having an affair with your boss, who is almost twice your age, who is also married.
I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2013): If you are attracted to older men, fine. Go for one who is NOT married!!!!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 February 2013):
 Never mind the fact that he is married. He is your boss. This is sexual harassment. It never occurred to you that the reason he hired you might have been because he WANTED to have sex with you? And that from that moment on he's been seducing you and trying his best to get into your pants? This screams of low morale, sexual harassment in the workplace, and abuse of power. Not to mention in many cases it is forbidden at the workplace for managers to be involved with those who work for him (same dilemma as teacher/student). You being young and naive you see this as some sort of "romance", but the fact is this man is using you. You need to take better care of yourself and stop letting him use you, because this has nothing at all to do with "connection" or "destiny" or "love" or whatever. This is just an older married man, who is your boss, who gave you the job and then started to sexually harass you at work. You ought to report him, that's what you ought to do. Because he's crossed the line, both professionally and personally. Should you have sex with him? At this point I think he will fire you if you don't. Now lets put it to the test shall we? Did he hire you just to sleep with you, or not? Try ending this "affair" and see how long you can keep the job, or if maybe you'll find yourself unemployed pretty fast.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 February 2013):
 Destiny ?
" Unicuique faber forrunae suae "- each of us is the maker of our own destiny.
Destiny is what you make through your choices, words, thoughts, actions and omissions.
If you are the kind of woman who actively looks for love in the wrong places,like, between the thights of a married man- your " destiny " will be to find love in the wrong places.
If you are the kind of woman who can't be arsed keeping her hormons in check a bit, and always lets them win, your destiny will be a lifetime of hormon- based bad decisions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBeen mature for my age...
Thank you for taking the time to give advice, all of you.
Might just have changed someone's destiny, fate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you..all of you. It's nice to receive advice from strangers sometimes. Due that they don't see you within, or give you advice based on your personality or way of seeing things, its just black or white, right or wrong..so its good. Once again, thank you.
This will be hard to do...because I've grown to getting used to talking to him every night. I forgot to mentioned that I also got promoted to he manager, not because we "mess around" but because truly, I am a good worker and when it comes to work I am very professional and take things serious. That is one of the reasons why I haven't left the job..I believe I can handle working with him as a manager and his colleague without having any other relationship with him besides work. I can handle working with him professionally...I am just waiting to have at least sometime as being manager so I can get another job with more benefits.
It is the right thing to do...I've actually never even discussed this with my deepest friend, just a guy friend who is like my brother. I cannot believe I am listening to complete strangers instead of someone who I consider my brother.
Guys who ask for my number are guys who are my age...but I am just attracted to older man. I've always have...sometimes I think if its something psychological...I've always seem to be attracted to those who are married or taken already...I'm like a magnet to them. But they seem to be attracted to me too but sadly they are taken..most of them say is because of the way I present myself, I dressed very sophisticated but at the same time provocative, also I've always
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2013): You are contributing to pain in a marriage, and a family! This man is taken and if he's willing to cheat with you someone who he has no history with and no commitment to he will cheat on you too! He is out of your league and you need to move on and apologize to his wife
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 February 2013):
 You write: "..should I have sex with him? I want to but I know it just going to make things wose (worse)."
You betcha it's going to "make things worse".....
Is THAT who you want to be, in life???? Some cad's "bit on the side"???? ..... and the young tart who was the reason that a guy was UNFAITHFUL to his wife? ... and who threw his kids under the bus, so he could cavort with you????
I hope you have a strong personal constitution, so that you can feel good about who you are, and what you've done, when it all blows up in your's and his faces.....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Stelladra  +, writes (10 February 2013):
I can't say much more than what has already been said but I will say, ask someone in the restaurant who has been working there a very long time if he has a history of cheating. My guess is yes, he does. The wife sounded almost like she'd had to tell others before he was married. So if he left his wife for you (which he won't) how long do you think it would take before he cheats on you. You think you are too special he won't? You are wrong, his wife was special enough for him to marry her and have children and he cheated on her with you and probably many more. Do you really want to be with a man who can't be faithful? This is a dishonest, manipulative person with no sense of honor. And if he remains with his wife (which is what will happen) don't you deserve a real relationship? One who doesn't have to sneak around to see you. One who is ready to plan a future with you in it? Get out now and don't look back. For you and for his family.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 February 2013):
 your question was simple "should I have sex with him?"
the simple and easy answer... NO
now comes my rant:
and you know this.... it's wrong to take something that is not yours.
He is married. He probably has done this with other young impressionable women. As evidenced by his wife contacting you....
and yet you disrespect her as well as yourself by giving in to this person who thinks it's ok to take care of himself only.
My turn to ask a question:
what do you think having sex with him will do for you?
what do you think having sex with him will do for his wife and kids when they find out?
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A
male
reader, Passherby +, writes (10 February 2013):
Look at the big picture. Having sex with you while being married to another makes this guy a cheating liar who is deceiving his own family. That should tell you where you stand in his mind. Do you really want to be a home wrecker? That is exactly what you are doing. Rarely does a relationship last that is built on lies and social immorality. His wife is already on to you. Don't think for a second she's going to accept your lie. She's watching him and you like a hawk and you are too deep in the haze to realize that. You are walking on very thin ice. Imagine being served a subpoena to appear in court as a primary in a divorce case. That will bring you back to an ugly reality pretty darn quick.
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A
female
reader, Kindpigeonette  +, writes (10 February 2013):
You are old enough to know better. Shame on you. You deserve what you get so sleep with the man all you want and wait in line for a nice dish of KARMA.
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (10 February 2013):
 If it's been one year and a half and the only thing he's done is 'mess around' then he isn't gonna do anything else i.e. he ain't gonna leave his wife for you. He just wants to get laid and you are easy pickings. You are young and impressionable, not to mention his employee. Have some integrity and leave him and the job. He's a cheat.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (10 February 2013):
Oh come on, you KNOW the answer to that question. Married men are off limits. End of story. Deep down you know what you want is wrong. You wouldn't have come here if you didn't. What do you think will come of this? I'll tell you: he'll just use you for sex, pat himself on the back for being able to attract a young hot thing like you and then dump you without looking back.
Look, if he can't be mature then you'll have to step up and do what's right. Do you really want to be help him with this destructive path he's on? If you're getting so much attention from other guys, I'll bet you there will be one among them better suited and more honorable (hah, that's easy) than this idiot.
Don't go down this path. How will you be able to look at yourself in the mirror afterwards?
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (10 February 2013):
 Hi
Find another job and a proper boyfriend.
Imagine if it was your Dad who was doing this to your Mum,how would you feel about the *young girl* or your Dad in that situation?
His wife will be watching him,his mobile and you,she's already questioned you and you have already lied.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2013): It is difficult for you to understand at your age how complicated marriages can be. People do not always stay in them out of love. Most of the time it is because of children, finances, stability, familiarity, fear etc. This is why they fool around on the side without leaving the marriage. Because they are obligated to remain in that marriage. They have a duty and responsibilities, children to think of etc. And maybe they have lost the spark with their wife and want to find a spark again so they play around with other women. Then they get the best of both worlds. They may still get along with their wife and have a partnership and life built together but they might get bored and want to experience another woman. But the bottom line remains that men will not leave marriages for an affair. NEVER. It is too difficult to leave a marriage. If only for the fact they will suffer massively in the financial department, having to pay support to an ex wife and children. No man wants that. So he tries to have both his fun and his life.You are playing a losing game. Get out now while you can. He will NEVER leave her. Even if he wanted to, he would not risk never seeing his children again and ending up bankrupt. And do you really think he would leave a woman who takes good care of him and his family? What kind of future do you think a close to 40 year old man sees with an 18 year old? You are dreaming. It is time to wake up young woman!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2013): I was involved with a man who was married for a year. He was happy as a pig in mud having both me and his wife. No strings. No drama. Until I woke up. And lay all my cards on the table.
I made the mistake of falling in love with him and thought he would leave her for me. It was all just an act. I told him I cannot continue like this. It was hurting me beyond words to not have him all to myself. To know that he was sleeping with her. Touching her. Holding her. The image of the both of them making love was tearing me apart. He was deceiving me and her. I finally told him he will have to choose me or his wife. He kept giving me the run around by telling me "I don't love her" or "I can't leave because she is financially stable and has been supporting my business." One excuse after another. And I bought them all.
Until one day when I knew in my heart I was ready to walk away from him. I just could not take the pain anymore. He had nothing to offer me. Just lies. Please do not allow yourself to get to that stage. The longer you are with him, the more heartbreak you will suffer. It was the hardest thing I ever did. It destroyed me. I was in deep state of depression. I cried all day and night. Wanted nothing to do with anyone. Honestly, I have never felt that kind of pain before.
But you know what? Fast forward three months down the road and I am fine again. I am smiling again. He is in my rear view mirror. I know now I made the right decision. My life has continued and I am finding myself again. I have new interests and friends. I feel more stable emotionally. I no longer cry every night asking myself why he won't leave her and be with me. Why am I not good enough for him? The whole experience really affected my self esteem.
I walked away for my own sanity. He did not try to stop me. To this day, he has not tried to call me or see how I am doing. He knows he broke my heart but obviously his conscience allows him to live with it. He does not care and never did. I was just a side toy for him. I boosted his ego. I made him feel good. A pretty younger woman hanging onto him must have felt pretty good. You are boosting this man's ego as well. He likes the attention and especially from a pretty young woman. It is not your job to make him feel good or special. It is his wife's.
I actually hate him now. That hate will subside in time. But I will never forgive him. He was telling me how much he cared about me while being with someone else. How could he do this to me? You need to see him for the person that he is. He is selfish and only looking after what he wants or needs. Rest assured once you leave the scene he will move on to another girl. Guaranteed.
I know that despite what any of us say you are going to make your own decision. Just know that sometimes you need to make mistakes to learn. I needed to make mine despite what I was told by others. Everyone else knew this man was a slime ball but I would not listen. I wish now that I did. I could have erased all my suffering. But the one good thing about it all is that I have come out a stronger person. And I know that I will never make this mistake twice.
Please find another job. You are worth so much more than being second best. If you really want to put him to the test, find another job, give him notice, actually quit and leave and then have no contact. See what he does? Even if he does say he wants you back, you will have to pull the heavy and say not until you are divorced. Then you will never hear from him again.
Take care of yourself. No one else will. xx
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A
female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (10 February 2013):
Find another job and let go of this man. How would you feel if you were the wife and some young girl is disturbing your marriage?
Dont only think about yourself in this situation; think about the family you are hurting as well, not to mention your reputation. You will get discovered eventually, maybe even now some rumours have started circulating.
As previous poster has said, it doesnt matter that it feels right. You know the truth in your head, you have to stop this.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (10 February 2013):
For starters he will never leave his wife for you and the only one who will suffer in the long run, is you. It "feels" right but those are feelings without any logic or real thought put into it.
Anything he has done "for you" stems from the fact you are young and the "look" you had was basically him being able to see your weaknesses and vulnerability. It's like that saying, 90% of communication is non-verbal, the tone of your voice, the twitch in your eyes. It is pretty sad he took advantage of such a young person.
At the same time you allowed it to happen. You do not understand the consequences of your actions if you are caught or the fact that...he doesn't care about you. When trouble comes knocking he will abandon you faster than light speed. Or maybe he does leave his wife and you will be known as a homewrecker and the rumours will follow you everywhere.
Or you do have sex and remain as his piece of candy while he goes home to his lunch. If you look on this site, you will be surprised the amount of females such as yourself asking "why doesn't he leave her for me?". This is who you have a chance of becoming in a few months from now.
I really can't see anything good coming from this. It's almost the same as digging your own grave. If I were you I would just leave the job. If there's something else bothering you, feel free to ask. All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2013): He's cheating on his wife, cheating his children out of their family and YOU are lying to his wife. He's a scum bag Do you think he likes or even loves you? He wants you for sex and he knows with time he can have you and he is not wrong. He would never leave his wife for you. He's a cheat.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (10 February 2013):
 Your emotions are getting the best of this. Dont let them. This guy is married has kids youre the mistress. Its all ready a recipe for serious drama. Dont throw it in the pot or itll come out ugly GUARANTEED. And if those guys had any game theyd take ur number not leave theirs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2013): No, no no no and no. Just stop, please. We cannot justify you making the wrong decision. You know its wrong. Please stop!
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A
female
reader, Dayzee +, writes (10 February 2013):
I wonder how many other young staff members he's tried to crack onto. A married man who is that ready to kiss (my God) his young staff members is a serial cheater. Sounds like you'll be looking for a new job. I'd do it now. Decent guys don't cheat on their wives, at least not that quickly and easily.Decent bosses don't take advantage of their position to hit on their young female staff members. I guarrantee you he's done this before. Can you run fast? Then do it. What he is doing is wwrong, wrong, wrong. What you are thinking about doing is wrong, whatever it 'feels like'. As Subtle as you can, ask the other staff about him, if you can.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2013): No, you should not have sex with this married man. He has a wife and three children. He should be off limits.
If you had sex with him, then what would you do? You can't have a proper relationship with him, nor would he ever be a faithful partner. He is using you for his "bit on the side."
Please, do the right thing and stop fooling around with him. Do not have sex with him. It will destroy his wife and his marriage. You would likely end up hurt and full of regrets.
If guys are leaving their number for you at work, why not give one of them a chance? I'm sure they would love to date you, and they don't have a marriage to complicate things.
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