A
female
age
41-50,
*hortyc
writes:The man I'm in love with never told me that he would leave his wife.He pays all my bills,rent and still gives me extra money but,I'm just so lonely.He doesn't spend time with me like he use to in the beginning.He has keys to my house so he comes when he feels, in the middle of the night or whenever.He even has me come to his kid's birthday parties with my daughter and family and act like we are friend's.His wife never talks to me beacuse she doesn't know I'm the woman she called before.I dont know what to do because even without all the money...I'm in love with this man.What should I do?
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female
reader, Accountable  +, writes (1 October 2009):
 shortyc,I understand your need to vent your frustrations - everybody needs that sometimes, no matter what their situation. Unfortunately you picked the wrong venue; being an advice site, there is a strong sense of morality amongst the advice-givers. Your situation defies everything these advice-givers believe to be moral, and therefore their hearts go out to the more obvious victims - namely, your husbands wife, daughter, your daughter, etc.. Certainly your responses that you didnt care about the pain you could be causing these people didnt gain you any more sympathy.Again, as far as missing this man goes, the only real advice i can give (to reiterate) is to move on and find someone who can give you the commitment and dedication that you crave (and any woman deserves). I realise this is hard, and I am not suggesting it to you on the basis that you should stop cheating, consider his wife etc (although of course, I don't condone cheating, I don't think that approaching your problem with my bias is the most constructive way to give you advice). It is simply the clearest way for you to become part of a relationship which means you can avoid these feelings. Longterm, this would surely be the most sensible option? However, given that you seem adamant that you will continue what you have with this man, there is really nothing that I can think of to help. I am certainly not going to encourage you to ask him to devote more of his time for you - you seem to have recognised and be comfortable with the fact that he has already made this commitment to his wife. Maybe you just need to find something else to occupy your time; find things that you can do completely independant of him to enjoy, and keep your mind off him. But I will be honest; to me this seems like a short-term fix.Good luck, I hope things improve for you all.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 October 2009):
 (whispering and looking both ways)....is she gone yet????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): well said eyes. call a spade a spade and to hell with falseness.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): to shorty, well, your words depict the essence of yourself totally. what a shame and a sham. its so sad that you choose not to redeem your yourself.
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (1 October 2009):
 I'm sure you came here for some companionship to alleviate the immense emptiness you occasionally feel in your life. Your inability to face and hear the judgement of other aunts validates our suspicions about the quality of your judgement.
Your taunts to well-respected aunts like eyeswideopen only damage your reputation in this forum. Maybe this kind of engagement passes as adult conversation in your world. It is certainly not appreciated here, but if you must continue to prove your foolishness, we're ready and willing to oblige.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009): You will be lonely as long as you love a married man..He has responsibilities other than you. But you knew how it was going to be when you decided to have an affair. Listen to this: He is not going to leave his wife. The more you beg the bigger liability you become.
All you are is sex to him; he pays your bills and in turn he gets sex. Is that how you want to live your life? No wonder you are lonely, you deserve so much more than this man can offer you. Don’t you think you deserve more?
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (30 September 2009):
 He's taking care of these bills for you???? What were the terms of the "mistress" agreement? Let's see, when you're with a married man, you're with someone who is already lying to his family by being with you. So, taking this as truth when he says he'll leave his wife is what many people who date married individuals fall into. "Tell you what you wanna hear to get down your pants." Go find someone who's not married. Then your options will be open where you two can take to relationship to whatever level you decide without additional complications.
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male
reader, called Steve +, writes (30 September 2009):
 The original poster came on this site looking for a way through a otherwise overgrown pathway... she asked us for or opinions or our guidance through the shrubbery!
I'm sure we could all calm down and concentrate on the question rather than resorting to personal accusations and condescending remarks which; quite frankly, don't do anyone (or the site) any good whatsoever.
In my opinion - posting answers anon. should be banned on this site... if you're not man (or woman) enough to stand by your comments then you shouldn't be allowed to post at all...
Steve
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female
reader, shortyc +, writes (30 September 2009):
shortyc is verified as being by the original poster of the question To Accoutable:I can honestly say that I came to this sight looking for advice,because no matter how happy I think I am sometimes I just miss him sometimes.What turned me off was the fact that although some of the responses were helpful some were just mean.The responses that I gave, that were harsh were only meant for the people that were not open minded to my situation.
You are right I did not give clear facts to what I was going through to be able to receive clear answers. For that I can take the blame for SOME of the answers I received. Although,it is felt by some that this sight is not for a mistress BUT when you originally click on to the web sight that is what you read about!!
I just learned that this sight was took over by judgemental people. so yes I got on thinking I would be able to vent out some of the frustrations that I have from my relationship with this man.I have been with this man for 4 years now,and I can honestly say that we don't JUST have sex. I know his family and friends,and they know who I am to him. So I'm not some put away on the shelf toy that he just comes and play with,and put back before he is seen playing with a doll.I do love him and honestly I'm not going to leave him alone,so maybe these people were a lil right....... What the fuc* am I doing on here...........
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female
reader, Accountable +, writes (29 September 2009):
I don't think you can help who you love, and its pretty unfortunate that you met the man you love too late - after he'd committed himself to another women (although clearly not fully committed..).I'm a little bit confused about what you're actually asking us, to be honest - in your first post it seemed you wanted a way to relieve yourself of your loneliness, in which case the obvious answer is to move on, and find somebody else to love, someone who can devote themselves to you as you'd like.But your updates make things less and less clear - what is your actual question? As far as I can see, you are just content with your situation; happy to be his girl on the side, his means of sexual gratification. What were you looking for when you posted your "question"? (I mean this as a genuine question to you, not a way of insulting your post/situation).As a side note, please don't jump down the aunt's throats for being "judgemental" - especially when you first post really didnt give enough detail for anyone to make a fully reasoned and constructive piece of advice, specific to your case. You must have expected a few negative reponses due to the nature of your situation, but as far as i can see most people tried to give you some positive advice. Equally, being an aunt on this site is no signal of unhappiness in your own personal life/relationship - what on earth are you talking about? I try to give people different perspectives and advice on this site because I believe it genuinely helps some people who perhaps don't usually feel comfortable expressing themselves/asking for help from those around them, not because of some underlying insecurity of my own. I don't really understand why you would think this is the case - clarification please?Good luck with your situation anyway, whatever you decide, i hope things work out for the best for everyone involved.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): actually this sight is not a support sight at all. It is an advice sight made up of everyday people with everyday problems. There are many types of relationships addressed here. The opinions given are exactly that...opinions. I really doubt you are heartless, and i expect you feel somewhat sickened by the whole going to the birthday party issue, but just cant face the thought of losing what little you have of him. I understand that you cant help who you fall in love with but the way you respond to that love IS a choice. I also know that i am not THE judge. But i have been around tha block a time or two. There are good spouses and bad spouses. There are good, faithful wives who wonder where their husbands are and others who are clueless that they SHOULD BE wondering. I wonder what you wanted from this site? Lonely? Join a club, a gym, get a hobby, buy a book. Have a friend over and watch a movie. But dont expect me to support your choices. In good faith i cant. You are at liberty to make your own choices...i think its just sad. And thats my opinion.
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female
reader, shortyc +, writes (29 September 2009):
shortyc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTO:EYE'S WIDE OPEN
RIGHT NOW THE ONLY REPSONSE I HAVE A DESIRE FOR IS THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION I JUST POSTED......WHY ARE SUCH HAPPY PEOPLE ON THIS WEB SIGHT??? WHAT MADE YOU SO HAPPY PEOPLE CLICK ON TO "I'M IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN" IF YOUR SO HAPPY IN THE RELATIONSHIP THAT YOUR IN!!!!!
SINCE YOU ALL HAVE SO MANY ANSWERS FOR QUESTIONS CAN I GET ONE NOW? WHERE'S THE HAPPY PEOPLE WHEN YOU REALLY NEED THEM?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 September 2009):
You may find this hard to believe but there are other postings on this website that have nothing to do with cheating spouses and home wreckers. You really came here for some affirmation I guess and you just haven't gotten it and it pissed you off. Of course you can't help who you fall in love with but you CAN control your behavior and act with integrity. Screwing a married man and using him as a meal ticket is not acting with integrity. Pure and simple. You asked what we thought you should do in your original post, we told you what we thought. Maybe you should try another website, one that condones adultery might net you the responses you so desire.
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male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (29 September 2009):
No one says you can help who you love. But you can help who you sleep with and you can establish your own moral ground and you can not sleep with married men. I can't place all the blame on you its his fault just the same. Im not going to call you heartless but you have to pay the emotional price now or letting him go and learn your lesson. Learn about a person before you start falling for them. Your not as helpless as you think you are in who you fall for.
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female
reader, shortyc +, writes (29 September 2009):
shortyc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell married lady the post wasn't for you.The post was for the anonymous female....but you must have took something I said to heart so you couldnt help yourself!!!
Anyway I just want to say that you people are getting on here saying that you are giving support to people by telling them the truth.Well the truth is people cant help who they love.I'm not some heartless bitc* that really don't care about what I'm doing,I said that out of anger because you people are so judgemental on here.let's not forget I was married before also!So I've been on both sides, and the way you so called aunts try to be little women that get on here is crazy.The only thing you people do is go from column to column reading how someone loves another and try to tell them their not worth shi* because they love him/her and then end it with "your worth more then that"!Look I really don't care what is said about me because the ONLY one I'm going to have to answer to about what I'm doing,is the same ONE you all will have to answer to for judgeing someone else.I hear women on here saying how good of a marriage they have,that their man doesn't cheat,oohh they are so happy,well I'm asking you the same question you ask me."Then why are YOU on this sight"? What drove you so happy ladies to want to know about women/men having affairs?
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female
reader, Rose_red_09 +, writes (29 September 2009):
Marriedlady - you really made me smile :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): why is it that if we do not approve of your life choices...and it is YOUR life, we are being judgemental? Sweetie, you came to us and asked for our OPINIONS. When we gave them you immediately became viatrol. Roll on the floor and laugh dearie, i dont mind. As i was told recently by a male friend, dames like you are a dime a dozen, but dames like me are a rare treasure. my guy doesnt need to look elsewere for great sex. And before you "judge" me and the other aunties who sincerely made an effort to help you...just think about this...we can lower the bar at any time and be what you are. And im not sitting at home lonely. Im rolling on the floor...with my husband. ;)
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 September 2009):
I just love it when after a little dialogue, some people will show their true nature. Sad little person.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): Obviously you already knew what you wanted to do and I have no idea why you even came to this website. If you thought people are going to have sympathy for you I couldn't imagine what you were thinking. You are not a "young buck" anymore and the blow job thing is just tacky. But I think I speak for us all when I say if you like I love it. But just remember Karma hits us all!
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female
reader, shortyc +, writes (29 September 2009):
shortyc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is for the ANONYMOUS FEMALE that feels that I'm being a bad parent.....look sweetie you don't know the half obviously.You must be a bitter person that either her man is cheating on,has cheated on,or u suspect that he is cheating and all I can say to you is....TO BAD!! HaHa YES no matter what I hear on here I will continue to love him.I will continue to take his money, and go to his kids parties WITH my daughter. My daughter & his kids love each other,and yes my daughter lives with her father but not because I can't take care of her or teach her right from wrong!It's not like WE are telling her oohhh mommie is fuc*ing ----- brains out almost everynight!!! LOL You must be jealous..I don't care what his wife or you thinks,as a matter of fact next time he come through my door I'm going to give him one of the meanest blow jobs ever and dedicate it to you,maybe instead of TRYING to put me down you should do the same to your man, and stop hating on the ones giving it to him for you....OOOPS unless he already left you for her!!! ROTFLMAO
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): whoa, to the OP. what a bad bad update. seems like you enjoy being a kept woman, actually another womans man is paying for everything and you just relish in the aftermath of your mistress activities. to go to your married lovers home, WITH YOUR CHILD is actually despicable. you would not see it like this actually since your morals are just so questionable. oh, well, you have all the answers to your mistress issues so nothing anu=ything the aunts tell you will make one aota of a difference in your life. all i can say is thank goodness you are not the primary crae giving to your daughter. imagine what a role model you would be. and to Carolyn, instead OF YOU juding the aunts on this website maybe they tried to open your eyes and make you see YOURSELF for what you are. maybe you could not handle the truth and instead of berating the aunts on this site, be thankful that they had the decency to even respond to you. the aunts were not judgemental. they are REALISTIC.
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female
reader, carloyn +, writes (25 September 2009):
Hi there, i am sort of in a similar position xx I posted a question on here and got some godawful judgemental replies, no-one tried to help and all they did was judge me and make me feel more lost and alone. talk to people who love and know you hon, i did and now me and the guy are dealing with our dilemma in our own way. Only you know if he loves you, not the people on this website.
i will pray for you and i hope all works out for you
x
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female
reader, shortyc +, writes (25 September 2009):
shortyc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell,I thank everyone for there response but I never said I wanted him to leave his wife!!! The websight posted that as a title for me,but I see clearly that I have to do things on my own!!! LOL I like the fact that I don't have to deal with his additude or when he's upset.His wife knows what he does ,she chooses to stay with him,that's not my fault!! Yes!!! He does pay my bills but it's not like I'm worthless or broke. I don't need him to make it,I OWN my own Beauty Salon,and make GREAT money!!I JUST LOVE HIM sooooo I was just asking BECAUSE I thought this websight was for people that had married men!! Also My daughter isn't affected by anything I'm doing with him because she lives with my EX HUSBAND.So she doesn't even know him as my man,she know's him as a friend of the family.I am a GOOD proud parent and obviously someone who thinks I'm just being a slut.......Maybe your on here to find your husbands mistress!!I never said I waited around for him either,I simply said said we don't spend time together like we use to,If you get that I'm going to turn old and gray WAITING on him out of that you need to be more open minded!!!
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female
reader, shortyc +, writes (25 September 2009):
shortyc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell,I thank everyone for there response but I never said I wanted him to leave his wife!!! The websight posted that as a title for me,but I see clearly that I have to do things on my own!!! LOL I like the fact that I don't have to deal with his additude or when he's upset.His wife knows what he does ,she chooses to stay with him,that's not my fault!! Yes!!! He does pay my bills but it's not like I'm worthless or broke. I don't need him to make it,I OWN my own Beauty Salon,and make GREAT money!!I JUST LOVE HIM sooooo I was just asking BECAUSE I thought this websight was for people that had married men!! Also My daughter isn't affected by anything I'm doing with him because she lives with my EX HUSBAND.So she doesn't even know him as my man,she know's him as a friend of the family.I am a GOOD proud parent and obviously someone who thinks I'm just being a slut.......Maybe your on here to find your husbands mistress!!I never said I waited around for him either,I simply said said we don't spend time together like we use to,If you get that I'm going to turn old and gray WAITING on him out of that you need to be more open minded!!!
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male
reader, called Steve +, writes (23 September 2009):
I have always been a great advocate of the saying "we can't help who we fal in love with", but we can choose whether we want to continue in a relationship with that person...
On the face of it you sound superficial, false and a financial leach. But in truth this is the guy you love, but he doesn't love you... FACT! If he did, he would be with you right?
The choice is yours, what do you desire the most... the financial backing or a happy life? Make your own choice and be happy with someone else who thinks about you as you think of them...
Steve
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 September 2009):
Forget this guy. There's no future in it for you and you surely deserve better than to just a mistress and toy! Move on and find a guy who will commit to you and you only. x
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (23 September 2009):
 Coming on Dear Cupid and saying that you're having an affair with a married man tends to generate the knee-jerk response and not much in the way of sympathy but you can have a little from me. We can't always choose who we love and many people love inappropriately. Being a kept woman is a hard life and it will only get harder as you and he get older so think hard about making that affair burn brightly for a while and then get out.
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female
reader, patient66 +, writes (23 September 2009):
Hello : )
I dont want to be to harsh and I do Sympathise with you but what comes to mind is that you are just paid for what he wants (sex). Your his mistress and he has your bills paid etc and your hidden away.
He is basically paying you for sex and for being quiet. Do you really want this man to leave his wife and be with you.....Can you trust him?
I say run and show some respect for yourself. Stand up, you will find someone. Dont be sooo scared of being alone ruin you. Your daughter will need someone to look up too as well.
Good luck xo
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (23 September 2009):
 *sigh* If he's willing to be so deceptive, cheat, lie etc. etc. on his wife, do you honestly think he wouldnt do the same if he left his wife and married you? The man has no integrity and clearly no moral conscience. For flip sake, grow a backbone and ditch this fool, (he's only paying your bills and rent so that he feels less guilty for using you). Go find a decent guy.
Best of luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): Ask yourself why you are prepared to be used and abused in this way. Do you think so little of yourself that is all you deserve? No? Well then....Change your lock. Start paying your own bills and get a grip on life. Restore your dignity and self respect and show your daughter that men don't use women. While he has a bird in a cage (thats you) he will continue to feed it crumbs.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 September 2009):
This is a problem you created for yourself. What on earth were you thinking? Take off those rose colored glasses and get real. You have a daughter for crying out loud, what kind of an example are you setting here? Give him his walking papers and start paying your own bills. OR quit your bitching.
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male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (23 September 2009):
I didn't read ur whole post b4 deciding my answer. simple advice quit going for married men. marriage is so disrespected by everyone these days. he has made a promise to another woman and he made a mistake by being with you. if this is ur first time being with a married man then quit b4 it becomes a habit. I know feelings are hard to get over but get over them and quit seeing, contacting, or accepting anything from him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): Sorry Sweetie, wake up!!! He is not ever going to leave his wife and kids.
You are wasting your life waiting for nothing. Get your keys back and start living your life before you are old and grey and have nothing to show for it.
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female
reader, Mariab +, writes (23 September 2009):
 Marriage is a promise before God. I don't want to be the preacher here but marriage should be respected! Couples will go through hard times because of CHEATING, communication problems, boredom...etc but really I believe that you should let this man go and let him fix things with his wife...If he loved and respected you, he would have broken things off clean at home before getting involved with you. Think about this and be fair to his family. Good luck xx
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female
reader, Jayney Y +, writes (23 September 2009):
 Get your keys back off of him, and tell him to find someone else to manipulate and use. Then find yourself someone who doesn't think you're there for his convenience, and try to make it someone who doesn't sleaze around behind their spouses back. Good luck
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