A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi everybody I've been crying my eyes out all day because when I was walked into the passway leading to my boyfriend's dorm room I overheard him bragging and giving high fives to his roommate about how he was going to break up with me after he scores so Melissa doesn't find out. Melissa's his ex from Chicago and according to him they were no longer an item for 2 years.I was so broken up when I heard all of this that I just turned around and ran back to my dorm room. He's been calling the floor phone all day and having floor mates leave messages on my door board to call him or come by plus he's come by 5 times but I had my roommate tell him I'm out on campus. My heart is shredded to a million pieces. My eye lids are swollen and puffy like I've been punched in them from crying all day. I'm still crying. I missed all of my classes and I haven't eaten a thing all day. My stomach has been turning over all day to the point that it regurgitated but the only thing that comes up is nothing with cold chills all over my body.I've blown my nose from crying so much that bloods coming out also. I don't want to believe this happened. He said I was his best friend and the best thing that ever happened for him. I don't want to show my face on campus anymore because nothing stays quiet on this campus so I'm sure I've been the laughing stock all along. I'm so heart broken. What did I do to deserve this? How did I not see that he still is with his ex girlfriend? We hung out everyday. He made me feel special. He said I was his best friend. I feel like a fool. I promised him I would let him take my virginity on his birthday which is friday. I'm numb especially since he was bragging about how is ex girlfriend is coming up to campus Saturday which would be the day after I gave him my virginity. I can't face him anymore. I've never been this hurt in my entire life. I can't finish out the semester. I don't know how to stop crying this hurts to bad. My stomach is sore from crying so hard. My throat hurts. I'm thinking about just getting in my car tonight and just leaving everything behind and drive back home to North Dakota. I'm gutted in shock numb in disbelief and I'm hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt. My heart is gone. I can't take the way I feel. I'm confused all of my thoughts are jumbled. I don't want this to be real. I can't stop trembling and crying. Why did I trust him? How could he do this to me? I need my mommy. why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): Wow what a jerk well sweetie screw him I had a boy in my class do that to me and I really liked him but the hard thing was he acted like liked me but he did that so he could get to my bff it was really hard and in still kinda pissed but all I can do is just sit there and watch and also she like brags about how much he loves her and shes the only one he wants to be with but the mean thing was is well there's 2 but 1: he only sticks up for her and he laughs when she physically hurts me like she threw a pencil at me she punches me she calls me a racist because I don't really care for rap. 2: he calls me at 2 in the morning and ask will u go out with me and I said yea cause I liked him but it turns out it was just a prank call then he calls her up and says if he was in a relationship with me he would try sooo hard to get out of it cause of her well yea that's but sweetie he's a jerk so screw him find a new guy and it will be ok
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2011): This is aweful and surely cutting you with incredible pain. I hope you severed all ties with that rotter. I can understand how he can look himself in the mirror. He's surely not your friend. There's no doubt that rotter played on your heart. That's low and don't you forgive him. I hope you stayed in school and keeping up with your work. It would be marvelous if there was a website where people could post pictures of rotters who set out to use girls for sex and those that succeed at it. I think the world should be put on warning about those heartless rotters. Sending you hugs girlie. Get yourself into counseling. You will need it to help you get through this. The shock of betrayel is a lot to come to terms with. I went through this 15 years ago and I still have moments when I cry from it. Hugging you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): I'm sorry this happeneed to you. Don't let the slimey moron take you down. Stay in school and turn this to work for you. Put up some sign with that creeps picture with a blurb like "Beware this greasy low life lunatic plays on girls emotions to use them for sex then dumps them the next day." Be glad that you overheard him because you're not another notch on the mucusbag's raunchy bedpost!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011): Hey kiddo this is awful but a blessing in disguise because the slimey gutter rat screwed himself trying to use you for sex. You're not the laughing stock he is. Put his lame player game out there to protect other girls from his gaming. Stay away from him he's not even worth the dirt on the bottom of his shoes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): It's cruel pigs like this who spread std's. Instead of crying throw a party cause you've been saved from a std infested std carrier, a fake that's not even you're friend, a lying evil bastard and a idiot that would of also used you for money, housing, cars and anything else that he needs. Stay away from the evil goat and spread the word about this cruel bastard every chance you get all campus fb social network sites EVERYWHERE! Party hardy the slimey hobag busted hisself. That swine bag pigs gonna get his. All guys aren't moron user pigs like him. Some of us respect girls. Best doll!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): So sorry this happened. Good thing you found out what a horrible person he is before things went further, but still this is a painful betrayal of trust. I would tell his gf and everyone who will listen on campus what a loser he is. Spin this to work for you because he is the one who should be laughed at and more.
Call your mom- talk to friends, take care of yourself and don't drop out of school.
I would be tempted to give him a good hard kick in the balls, but you might get into trouble for that and he isn't worth it.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, Nime +, writes (24 February 2011):
 You're lucky you overhead him! Plenty of women are victims to guys like this but they don't find out until AFTER they've had sex and he never calls again.
Sending big hugs your way!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): Hey there - you had a lucky escape from giving your virginity away to a user like that. That is awful. This truly is a life lesson and I am so sorry for your pain. I would tell him you overheard what he said and it is well and truly over - no bloke is going to use you like that. You sound like a special person, you are not willing to give yourself to anyone and this is proof that your values, your sense of worth are still in tact. Feel proud. In terms with coping with your feelings - can you speak with anyone face to face on campus - is there a counselling service or similar? Big hugs to you.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (24 February 2011):
 First, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I've been here too, except I didn't find out what his plans were until I had already given him my virginity. It really sucks.
I'm glad that you found out before you had actually given yourself to him and he had the opportunity to carry out his plans, the a-hole. Boys. That's what he is, a boy. Especially since he feels the need to show off for his friends instead of taking into consideration the feelings of an innocent girl he is about to hurt.
Most people on campus, when they hear what happened and what his plans were, will sympathize with you and probably not be so fond of him. If they don't, then screw them.
Yes he tried to play you, but you didn't play into his game to his expectations. You can break up with him, confront him or just break up with him without any explanation, which will probably baffle him the most. THen he will start questioning himself and what did he do wrong? Is something wrong with him since you didn't want him? Etc...
You don't need or want a boy, try to find a man. If you don't want to date for a while after this, then don't. Don't feel rushed and concentrate on your studies. Don't feel stupid. He used you. He played you. He played on your trust and every emotion you possess and that is not your fault that you didn't know his end game. But now you do. SO figure out what you are going to do with this newly found out information and proceed from there.
Feel free to message me if you would like to talk. I didn't have anyone to talk to when this happened to me and everyone I knew isolated me, so feel free to send me a message if you want to.
Good luck. And hey, this happened for a reason.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): also - if you were feeling "vengeful" you could always simply tell his "girlfriend" exactly what he was planning to do to you and to her...it depends on whether you want more "trouble" or just want to let it go...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): He's a nasty bastard! Out him to the so called ex and all the girls on campus!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 You know what sweetheart, dont waste your tears for this man. Thank God that you got to learn all this before any damage was done. Dont worry about people in your university laughing about this episode...people are much more understanding than you think they are. Hold your head high, you have NOTHING to lose and no one to hide from. If anyone asks, tell them that you had made a huge error in judgment...believe me, it happens to ALL of us. But now you know what a snake pit you were going to walk into and you're glad you're saved!
Call your mom, talk to your friends, share this with people, so that other girls can learn from your mistakes. Your ex should be the one feeling rotten, NOT you. You are very lucky you got out of it without any harm caused...your virginity wasnt handed to this ass on a silver platter. Its all yours for that very special, wonderful man whom we all know you will find, when the time is right. Thank your stars you're safe.
Smile please!!! There could be a much worse situation. God closed a window for you but opened a HUGE door! Get out of it, run away from him, explore the world, make new friends, enjoy life....and wait for the right man.
Good luck and lots of love!!
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 Wow... that's rough.
Lets look at the positives here though. He didn't take your virginity and you've got another chance to find someone who is genuinely special and worthy enough.
As much as it hurts, I'm sure many people who've given up their virginity, (and been dumped a week or even a day later)- wish they'd been given this opportunity that you've been given. Essentially you've dodged a bullet. It sucks, but it could have been a hell of a lot worse.
You've learned a valuable life lesson, but chin up aye, your boyfriend is a douchebag and you deserve so much better.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): It has been a huge shock to you but you are being very strong already by not answering him. You will need a bit more time before all the sensations of immediate shock disappear - maybe a few days, but the immediate feelings that feel very extreme now will start to go - probably you will then feel depressed about it, but you won't feel as shaken as you do now. Whilst this initial stage of shock is with you, try to look after yourself as best as you can - try to eat and to get any exercise, even doing stretches in your room will help.
I have a daughter at college and she would tell you that what you have experienced is horrible but is also 'par for the course' of the introduction to college life. It is a shame that no-one warned you that guys like this exist, but at least now you know. You are worried that people will be talking badly about you - think how much more you would have worried had you actually given this guy your virginity and then been dumped by him. Yes, most likely there will be too camps of people - some thinking, spitefully "sucker", but others thinking that the guy himself is a total asshole and that you have been totally taken in through no fault of your own. You have done absolutely nothing wrong and, if anyone does talk badly about it, then you may feel a bit "uncool" for a while, but that will pass - the people that you are with now will all be growing up with you and, in time, will look back in a more mature manner and really respect you for reacting in the way that you are now - I mean, someone totally lacking in self respect might easily just go along with the whole thing even having found out. It is great for you that you are not doing this.
Try to do "normal" things as much as possible and just totally sideline this guy. Please don't "self-sabotage" buy throwing in your studies - then he really would have taken something from you. You don't have to explain and you don't have to discuss anything with him. Personally I wouldn't give him the time of day, not a second of it. It hurts now, but it will pass - time is the greatest healer, just hang in there. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, ivanichiaynus  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 You've been played, but atleast be thankful that you found out in time before you lost it to this bastard. He isn't worth your tears, which I'm sure are a lot to do with your anger at yourself for falling for his lies - as Cindy so wisely says, you are new to all this and I'm afraid you have learned the hard way.
Don't let it put you off all men, but just be careful and not too trusting in future.
And hit those studies hard!
Ivan.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): I'm sorry this happened to you. Look at it this way it was good that you overheard it otherwise you would have ended up giving your virginity up to a cruel cunt. Those tears that you're shedding should be for his girlfriend because she's being used by that creature from the black lagoon. Users like him are in and out of relationships because they are allergic to good healthy monogomous relationships. They're promiscuous and don't find comfort in long term relationships. You'll find that they've got a string of women their casually dating or leading on or either they're mixed up in affairs. You're better off without him because he doesn't have it in him to treat women with respect. He's trash. Not the kinda dude you want around. Save your tears for his hidden girlfriend cause she's gonna need them. Cheer up because you won!
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 There are cruel men out there. Do not let them cause you such pain. His intentions were revealed to you before you truly lost anything.
You are afraid that people will talk? Let them talk. Most of them do not know this pain you feel. Some of them will know how hurt you are and they will not laugh.
Take care of yourself first. Dry your tears and enjoy a meal with good friends. Let them cheer you up. You can break up with him now because he is NOT the best thing in your life. The best thing in your life has yet to arrive, so mend your broken heart and let this moron go. Call your mother and let her tell you that everything is going to be alright because that is the truth.
You are okay. Nothing was taken, and you were lucky enough to have discovered his intentions before you gave yourself to him. Cheer up.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): There's only two words to describe a person that would do a girl like this--sub human animal. There are few instances where forgiveness should never be given and this is one of those instances. Stamp that lousy womanizing no good bastard dead, buried and dry rotted. Don't even give him the benefit of knowing that you overheard him bragging about how he just wanted to use you for sex. Call the police now and file a harassment/nuisance report against him. It's greasy scoundrels like that gutter rat idiot who make it difficult for girls to trust us!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (24 February 2011):
 Oh darling... there's a why. These things happen, so you can learn. You are young , inexperienced , and probably led a sheltered life ( I don't know but North Dakota, with all due respect, does not sound to me like a place where you can get a lot of street savvy. Maybe if you had grown up in downtown Caracas, or Rio de Janeiro... just kidding. Tryng to make you smile :). College is your first experience of being exposed to a large, varied community of strangers that in the best case, will be neutral to you. Meaning you can't assume everybody will have your best interest at heart. Welcome to life.
Now I don't want you to get paranoid , I am not telling you that everybody is out to get you and all men are cruel bastards etc,etc- because I happen to think exactly the opposite. Every day I keep being pleasantly surprised by how, when all it's said and done, eventually there is much more good than bad in human nature.
But everybody of us is at the same time both a saint AND a sinnner- there 's a dark side, a " fundamental obscurity "
that's bound to emerge given certain stimuli and circumstances- like those surrounding a bunch of immature,
selfish college kids.
It's up to you to grow and learn, to use all your intelligence and selectivity and intuition to see whom you can trust or not, whom you need in your life or not, whom will increase your happiness or jeopardize it.
This now it's the first big bump in the road , and you got out of it all broken and sore. But years from now you'll find out you learn a lot from this stuff- about many things. Like, how to attract the right people in your life keeping out the wrong one. How to call on your inner resources of strenght and reslilience. How to cope with grief and disappointment. How to be proud of yourself even when you get entangled in situations that makes you the loser..
I know , this does not make a lot of sense to you know, - now all you can think is " it hurts , it hurts, it hurts ". Let it hurt. No hurt goes ever wasted - what does not kill you makes you stronger. And smarter.
Yes, because you have to also be painfully honest with yourself and see if and how you may have contributed to this situation . Ok, some people are just incredible swindlers, there is no defence agaist them but.. let me think ... did you know him since a long time ? Did you know a lot about his personality, his moral value ? Were you sure he had a sincere, loving interest for you, and if so, - based on what ?... why exactly did you trust him enough for losing your virginity to him, had he earned this trust ? ... and, is it possible that wishful thinking or hormons or both have prevented you from seing reality as it is and you saw it as you wanted it to be ? had you ever noticed even a slight alarm bell, that you chose to overlook because " he's so cute and so sweet " ?Etc.etc.
Not putting you on trial,honey, but... it happens. Once, and I was older and more experienced than you, I had decided that a guy I knew, since he had the facial features of a Renaissance angel, then he HAD to be an angel. Needless to say , it come out he really was no angel...
Anyway. It's over and done now, put it behind you and move on. Dry your tears , pat yourself on the back for having escaped such a close call, and throw yourself into your studies until you'll feel better. Maniacally, if needs be. So at least your can get better grades out of this mishap !
And DO call your mom ! What do you think moms are for ?precisely to be called in moments like this!
Chin up kiddo. Keep us posted.
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A
female
reader, missyfit +, writes (24 February 2011):
 Hey Hun, I'm sorry to hear that. I know you must be in real pain, but you have to be strong. Be strong for yourself. I can see that you really care for this guy, but I'm so glad that you heard the truth FROM HIM. you know? I know how much it hurts, but look at it this way, at least now you know what his real motives are. You are human, I am human and well, we all make mistakes. You just have to learn from your mistakes... You don't deserve this kind of treatment... but you just have to learn from it.Guys are immature and you just have to wait and look for the right guy. You'll find him someday! I know you will.You seems like a nice and sweet gal.Cry your heart out and please try to move on...Don't sit around and do nothing because life goes on..Don't let life pass by you because it's not going to wait for you.Stand up and be strong!Best of luck dear.
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A
female
reader, missyfit +, writes (24 February 2011):
Hey Hun, I'm sorry to hear that. I know you must be in real pain, but you have to be strong. Be strong for yourself. I can see that you really care for this guy, but I'm so glad that you heard the truth FROM HIM. you know? I know how much it hurts, but look at it this way, at least now you know what his real motives are. You are human, I am human and well, we all make mistakes. You just have to learn from your mistakes... You don't deserve this kind of treatment but
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A
female
reader, Eilish +, writes (24 February 2011):
 Woah Woah Woaaaaah Sweetie.. calm down. Just take a deep breath, I will help you.First of all, this kid is a slimeball. He doesn't care about your feelings hunny, he just wanted to sleep with you I'm afraid. But why get yourself down about that? Look at the sort of person he is. A user. A player. Is that really someone you'd want in your life? I feel sorry for his girlfriend as well, because she's been made out to be a laughing stock too. He doesn't care about either of your feelings, as long as he gets what he wants. And bragging about it is just plain selfish.Please don't get involved with this guy again. You will get EXTREMELY hurt. Tell him to fuck, tell him you heard what he said and you deserve better, because truth is you do. Don't let him make up any excuses either as another way of getting in your pants. He can say sorry all he wants but truth is you heard what he said and he was prepared to use you. He also told his friends this. So bin him off girl.Then you can be the one, going round high fiving your friends for dumping such a slimeball. :) xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): I would feel hurt to.But if i were u i would be thanking god u had time hear his plan before had time use u and take your virginity.Imagine how worse u would have felt.dont tell him u overheard him.Dump him. he will look an idiot in front of his friends.Also dont leave school because of this loser.Your virginity and pride is still with u.Use this as a lesson to know never to let a guy use u.Open your eyes from now on.Dont let any loser u just meet take your precious virginity.Forget about him.
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A
female
reader, shortone1 +, writes (24 February 2011):
 i feel your pain. we've all been through something like this. stand up and say im better then he is. be happy. show everyone your strong even tho; inside u hurt dont let them see that. stop crying and tell yourself i can do this i am beautiful there are many fish in the sea that will treat me right!!! Im not going to be the other girl anymore. dont worry about what other people say or think that means nothing in this world. trust me! go on with your normal ways , go to class, eat, drink, BE HAPPY. your beautiful, smart, funny, outgoing. many guys are jerks but there r a few who arnt u just have to get to know them along time b4 you crush on them. like i say friends are friends forever, but guys who want in ur pants try to be your friend but you know thats all they want from you. so just be friends with everyone. be cool. dont do anything that is outta bounds. if you need anything else please email me and i will try my best to help you. be STRONG. and keep your head up. i have faith in u.!! heres my direct email. [email address blocked].
Id feel stupid and dumb too and i have b4, but that doesnt mean you have to stop living your life. get out there and enjoy the world. this guy hes nothin. he'll never compare to you!!
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