A
female
age
41-50,
*asmas99
writes:Hi All, i cant believe im am writing and asking for advice, ive always been the one giving out advice and never needed any before. I am one of these that tackle any problems i have had in my life and then just get on with it.But im at a loose end on this one. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 20 years. We have kids together, we are very happy, i met him when i was only 14 years old and thats a rare thing these days. His my soulmate, the love of my life. The problem is i dont know where to begin, so i guess i should try and start from the begining. I remember when i was about 15 and we were hanging out in his room, watching tv and playing video games, i dropped something and it went under the bed, to my amazement there was stacks of dirty magazines. I hated them, i was shocked. He got rid of them and that was that...or so i thought. We were just kids of course he was curious or what ever, i accept that. Our sex life is amazing still after all these years, and i can honestly say putting my hand on my heart it gets better and better the longer we are together. I trust him in the bedroom and i love to please. I believe i fulfill all his desires in the bedroom, perhaps some have not been what i may have liked, but i love him and i want to do those things for him. Theres probably nothing i haven't done to satifiy my mans needs when it comes to sex. (No three in the bed or anything like that)The last probably year or two, he likes me to talk dirty to him. At first i hated it. But because we can talk so open about sex to each other it became no deal at all, and even more so when i reliased just how much he loved it. So of course i'd do it. But never ever talking dirty before i wasnt too sure what he really wanted to her me whipser to him. So as we talk so open and as we are so honest with one another. I joked with him and said its those dirty mags you had hidden under your bed all those years ago. He kept saying it wasnt for the women in the mag but the stories. I was fine with it. Because it was so many years ago, it was before 'us', if that makes sense. Sometimes its hard to say what we want in the bedroom so we would email each other are requests if you like and kind of go from there. The subject of the dirty mags arised again, through me joking around with him and giggling. It seems fun at first, i was like saying, id buy one and read it too him. It was or what i thought was just between us, it was our thing. Not his or mine, Just ours.I said to him joking around again he would have to teach me on what he read back in the day so i could please him more. And then i said (i dont know what made me even ask) When was the last time you brought a dirty mag. He replied - about 6-8 years ago. I was Shocked!! i think i showed it too. So my next questionw is, how many magazines have you brought since we have been together, how many in 20 years, he replied about 20 of them. He told me he had them in his lorry at work. He asked me if i was offended because i went really quiet. I said no, just shocked. I could remember a time i was in his car only a couple of years ago and in his glove box was a dirty magazine, and he told me it was the guy he worked with. He told me that he didnt need those things because he had me. I believed him. Because he has never gave me the impression he likes them any more. Even when our friends were having a huge arguement over porn, i can remember saying, im so glad i dont have that issue, and he said even then, its not his thing because he has me, because im his porn star, we joked around about it. Now i feel like his lied to me and i feel, i cant explain how i feel. Its like i really thought how well we knew each other and this has made me question just how well i actually know him. I know you are all thinking im being stupid we have been together for so long and yeah i give him everything he wishes in the bedroom. But i feel kind of violated. i cant explain it. I thought this was between us, this would have been a one off mag or something for us to giggle about and his been doing it on his own. He told me it wasnt for the women only the stories. But that makes me feel just as bad, because i know what gets him going, so his getting all hot and bothered by these stories and then possibly somehow getting me to do them for him. and yeah id have done them, i have probably done half the stories he has read. But is he thinking of me or them stories. I know im being stupid, but i feel tricked. I feel hurt. I cant remember how many times over the years dirty mags or porn movies have cropped up in conversations, and i had no idea, he tells me his not into porn movies, but how do i know. I feel i dont know now, i feel like the trust has been broken. Someone tell me im being stupid and i should let it go, tell me how i do this, i hate feeling like this.Is it my own fault? is it pot-kettle? before he spilled the beans i was probably prepared to go and and buy the dam magazine, i even looked on the internet to see if i could buy one over the net. Now, i dont want too, i dont want to talk in bed, i dont want to try anything new. omg please help me, tell me why im feeling like this?I love him so much, his my soulmate, so why should this bother me.Help
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female
reader, jasmas99 +, writes (9 October 2009):
jasmas99 is verified as being by the original poster of the question anonymous - Thanks, and you are right, it was a kick in the gut to begin with. The lying was a huge deal, and i did feel that maybe he has hidden other things from me, lots went through my mind, i had so many mixed feelings it was unreal, all the what IFs, it made me question him and me, thats why i came here to rant and rave, i didnt even think about what i wrote in the blog, i just typed it out and then hit post!!Since my post and reading what others had to say i have calmed myself right now. I can in away totally understand him keeping the truth away from me (i prefer to say that than lying to me), maybe he thought i would over react, or maybe there has never been a real good time for him to tell me, or even how do you tell your mrs you like that sort of thing. God Knows!! Since the post i have sort of told him how i feel/felt about it all. I told him it hurt and hated that he lied about it, and questioned him about the mag i found in the car that he was so adimant that it never belong to him. But i got nothing back from him, no answers nothing. I could persist but i dont see the point, i dont want to argue about it.I also told him i would accept it, might not fully like it but will accept it because i love him and well, i couldnt stop him because he dont bring them home, he could tell me he wouldnt buy them and buy them anyway, id never know. I will let him just get on with it, im sure he never meant to hurt me by any of it. I could make a real big deal out of it, but to be honest id rather it just go away and try and forget about it. We are strong as a couple and have gone through so much over the years together, this is mere a hiccup compared to past experiences we have had to endure in life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): jasmas, you are a really deep person and his "betrayal" of you seems to have cut like a knife. you two are soul mates and have a deep connection and deep sexual intimacy. very few couples have that.
with his non disclosure about the porn you are now questioning other titbits where you believe that perhaps he has been less than truthful. you are thinking if he convincingly lied about his porn "addiction" what else has he lied about. Clariss is right "So, ask him outright what else has he hidden from you, OUT OF LOVE AND RESPECT FOR YOU!" this is the only way you are going to make peace with all that has unfolded.
don't let this discovery mess up a good marriage/partnership. you two seem to have it all and why throw away 20 good years on this "porn parade"?
(personally i would rather my hb gets off to watching porn than with an actual female)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): Hi
Good idea, really!! Let it go.. I think it will take you some time... but, hey, yeah, best to let this one slide!!!
Also, remember, often what we imagine in our heads is a lot worse than the reality!
Love :)
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (8 October 2009):
 I totally agree with Q, who is always brilliant. I think that I just dented the drywall. Ouch.
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female
reader, jasmas99 +, writes (8 October 2009):
jasmas99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questiongl605 - aww you came back, thank you, your words are very kind. I am a nice person (without floating my own boat). I respect those that respect me, after all manners cost nothing in this world though too many people these days forget that, but hey thats another issue lol
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female
reader, jasmas99 +, writes (8 October 2009):
jasmas99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionClariss - Thanks. I have tried to sit and think about my reactions when the subject of porn has come up. I dont really know how i acted, i can remember telling my cousin that she was over reacting with her husband and told her that he is with her not the lass in the movie.
She put me on the spot and said how would i like it? I think my answer was something like, i dont think id like it, but i wouldnt stop him because its not like them women are going to take my man. So i probably did give him the impression that its a no no. In a way still im not keen on the idea, but i can live with it. Buying a magazine well, i kind of nearly did before i found out but more as a personal thing, for jest and to see what all the fuss is about from him having them all those years ago. I dont know if i will ever go and buy one, i did think about asking him to bring them home from his lorry, a part of me wants too but another part of me doesnt just in case i hate it, so while i cant see it, it cant hurt, if that makes sense. Dunno, but im sure i will figure it out.
As for telling him how it made me feel, i probably wont even do that, i think i should just let this one go, i dont want to make a huge deal out of it, i came on here to get help and get my head sorted out in order not to make a big drama out of it here at home.
Who knows, im sure there will be a day that will come along where i will say it hurt, but right now, i wouldnt know how to start and say it. Thanks for being so kind and helping me out, that goes to everyone x
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): Hi
So, now that you know that it was the hiding about the mag and not the mag itself that bothered you, you know how to deal with it, right? So, ask him outright what else has he hidden from you, OUT OF LOVE AND RESPECT FOR YOU!
I know, we women would rather have our man be honest with us, even if the truth hurt us, but men want to spare us that hurt and think that a little hiding is ok! I mean, they are sometimes so like little children... and isn't it a man's duty to protect his woman? So, how could he tell you something that would've probably caused you some hurt???
Also, during all these discussions that you had at your friend's place about the whole issue of porn... My guess is that you were very against it and must have said so repeatedly!!! Perhaps your man wanted to come clean, but then got scared over the consequences???!!!
And, by saying that he didn't need any of that porn stuff, he showed his love and respect for you and your feelings. I mean what would you have him do... come clean and confess that he kept a stack hidden???
Let this one slide, if you are absolutely certain that this is the only possible secret between the two of you!!!
And, why not go out and purchase that one and share this experience together??? This will make you the ultimate sex goddess in his eyes... and it will give you the chance to turn the situation around for the better... and isn't any act that makes him love you more worth it???
Also, if this really bothers you a lot, by all means let him know that his hiding the truth hurt you and that it makes you wonder what else he could have hidden and that your trust has indeed suffered a setback. I mean, hey, you guys have a very special relationship, don't let it suffer over something that you know you can get over.... also, now that you know that it was his hiding that hurt you, simply focus on improving that situation... do not let it be about something else (like your problem with a porn mag).
Best of Luck!!! (god bless your relationship!!!
:)
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A
female
reader, jasmas99 +, writes (7 October 2009):
jasmas99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHeartbrokeninlove - Thanks for that, your probably right, well i hope you are.
I just gotta forget about it and move on. Yup, well, im going to try.
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female
reader, jasmas99 +, writes (7 October 2009):
jasmas99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCharliep- maybe i should ask him why he lied to me about it, but i dont know how hahaha. stupid silly yea yeah i know, 20 years of being open and i cant bring myself to be open about this one. ::shakes head:: i dunno!
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female
reader, jasmas99 +, writes (7 October 2009):
jasmas99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDoom - His my first but i wasnt his, hes had a fair few sexual relationships before he met me. Maybe your right maybe he is just curious anyway. I dont know, but im sure ill find out soon enough.
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female
reader, jasmas99 +, writes (7 October 2009):
jasmas99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questiongl605 - lol ill let him know!!
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female
reader, jasmas99 +, writes (7 October 2009):
jasmas99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionClarris - thank you for your post. You too seem very understanding to your mans needs. i think/thought i was. I know this is something i so have to get over, and i will do that. It will eventually become something we can mock each other about. Well, i hope it can be.
I know we have a great realationship, i know my grass is green. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, i have no plans on letting this break us. But some feelings dont just go away do they? Even tho they are silly it still hurts. If he had brought one and brought it home and said he had got it to read, i would have probably given him a look (sort of like O....k) and i would have probably said something like, let me have a read then to see what all the fuss is about, and i know i would have said, She has a good pair of ****. I will accept it, once i can move forward from the whole lying about it issue, because i think thats what it its all about not the dam magazine.
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female
reader, jasmas99 +, writes (7 October 2009):
jasmas99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBirdynummuns - to be honest i think you have read what i have wrote in the wrong way, or i never made things clear enough.
If my man didnt look id so think there was something wrong with him. Everyone window shops that much i do know. He does it as do i. Like we say to each other, no harm in window shopping as long as we dont buy.
Our realtionship is not perfect, far from it. If only!! No one is perfect, he certainly is not and nor am i. My friends have seen us go through the up and downs over the years, so no one has the perfect realationship here.
My ego really has not taking a battering, i honestly am nothing special to look at, so it certainly wasnt an ego thing. I do accept the way he is, i won't stop him from buying these magazines, if thats what he wants to do then i shall let him get on with it, but do i have to like it? No not if i dont want too, i have the right at all times to like and dislike certain things in our relationships as he does. I dont know where i said in my post that i wanted to change him, no way do i want to change him, 20 years i have put into this relationship, i wouldnt throw it away over this, but i do feel hurt he kept it from me, and i do think i am entitled to feel that way. I know if the shoe was on the other foot he would feel the same way, because he makes it more than clear that we are not to ever hide things from each other no matter how good or bad they are.
I cant feel the same way, i will at some point but right now i am finding all this a bit difficult. Im sorry for not being as strong as you are.
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female
reader, jasmas99 +, writes (7 October 2009):
jasmas99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIfyoudontmind - Im not threatend by the magazines, far from it. The shock of finding out about them was never me feeling threatend. Probably just feeling hurt he lied and hid it away from me thats what the real issue is.
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female
reader, jasmas99 +, writes (7 October 2009):
jasmas99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhereismytwocents - I thought my man cheated on me a few years back. And he told me he didnt, i took his word for it. I believed him because i trust him. Our whole relationship has been built on trust. When he revealed the thing about the magazines, all sorts went through my head, the shock of it, i cant tell you all the things that went through my mind. And i know im silly to think the way i did, but i couldnt help it. I was thinking, if he kept that from me what else as he kept from me, maybe he did have an affair cause his bloody good at hiding things from me. My first thoughts were crazy, i was totally stunned.
He saw i was shcoked, he could see by my expression, he said to me straight away, have i offended you. Straight away i answered No!! and replied, ermmm im just little bit shocked. He hugged me straight away told me he loved me, we hugged and just sat quietly on the sofa, and not another word mentioned. I cant help the way i feel, i know everyone has different opinions about it, some think its no big deal other think the opposite, i dont know how to really tackle what im feeling because i think i have so many mixed feelings on the subject.
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female
reader, jasmas99 +, writes (7 October 2009):
jasmas99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLazyguy - i so hear you loud and clear, he thinks certain actors are hot as do i. I get that, really i do.
He knows how much i think Ben Affleck is a little hotty, and we joke like mad about him, if he comes on the tele he puts his hands over my eyes in jest. We always mock each other, He'd never stop me from watching an actor i thought was a little on the hot side, nor i him.
But i still cant help the way i felt at the time of him telling me he liked mags. I was shocked, i guess i just never see that one coming, i guess i had my eyes closed or something. Just hate he hid it from me.
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female
reader, jasmas99 +, writes (7 October 2009):
jasmas99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBeingblack - i dont want him to stop because of me, if thats what he wants to do i would never stop him. (If i like it or not, id rather know than not know)
I know men like this stuff and i know its 'normal' for men to like this stuff. But i took what he has told me over the years and i have believed what he has said when he has constantly made an issue out of not liking it.
So to hear different all of a sudden, well, it blew me away.
I hate the fact he hid it from me and then lied about it. Makes me wonder why, maybe he thought id be unreasonable, thats kinda a kick in the teeth if he felt that way, we have done far more together than a dirty mag, so it shouldnt have been a big deal for him to say something too me. Talking this out with him, well, i dont even know how to start, i thought the issue was the magazine, but i dont think it is, its the lying about it. I dont know how to tell him how i am feeling on this one. Silly i know, we are so open normally and this i feel i have hit a brick wall.
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female
reader, jasmas99 +, writes (7 October 2009):
jasmas99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009):
the point is that he lied and that IS a betrayal, no matter what your other feelings about porn in general are. i think you should explain that.
Yes i did feel betrayed, because he lied and broke the trust we have built on over the years.
I have asked him if he likes porn movies and mags in the past, because it has come up in conversations before when we have been at dinner with friends, he always would say to them no because i have everything i need right here, it dont interest me. So really his been lying to himself not just to me.
I dont care if he watches porn or reads porn magazines, but as sick as it sounds id rather he done them with me and not on his own. But i guess its something i will have to deal with. I dont particularly want to read or watch it, but if thats what he likes then of course id do it, because id do it for him.
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female
reader, jasmas99 +, writes (7 October 2009):
jasmas99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAccountable - I was shocked to hell. And yes its totally unrealistic to think that my man dont look, because he does. I would think there would be something seriosuly wrong with him if he didn't.
I dont know if it was the magazine or the lying and hiding it from me that hurt.
Well, i do know now, its the lying about it thats hurt me. And yes, if he would have been honest and upfront from the begining it really wouldn't have been an issue, it wouldnt have been such a shock either.
And yes i am going to try and understand, im not unreasonable, if his happy then i am happy. It will just take a little time for me to get used to the idea.
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female
reader, Accountable +, writes (6 October 2009):
 I can completely understand why this would be shock to you, as your boyfriend has maintained over the years of your relationship that he has never been tempted to look at porn.
But really, did it not occur to you that this is completely unrealistic? I would understand being upset by his lying, but not simply that he's indulged in a little sexual fantasizing outside of you. I totally agree with LazyGuy; as a women in a very happy relationship, I still watch tv shows depicting romance, attractive men etc, and I'm sure you do too - everyone does. Why can't a man in a very happy relationship watch what appeals to men? Its not a personal insult to you; I imagine he's even more turned on by the content of the magazines when he's imagining it with you.
But he should have been honest about it - most likely he was just trying to protect your feelings, anticipating that your reaction would be like this. Why not try to understand and even embrace it - you say you like to please him and I'm sure this would.
Try not to worry too much about it, and definitely don't throw away what sounds like 20 years of happiness over something as silly as images in a magazine. :)
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male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (6 October 2009):
 I am not here to take sides, or say you are right, or your boyfriend is wrong or anything along those lines. I am merely thinking that you must be hugely upset to write such a huge piece.
I imagine that you are feeling almost betrayed. After all these years, even though you and your boyfriend never had a frank and open discussion about your feelings on porn, I can see that you do feel uneasy about this habit. I think you feel like he has lied to you, and almost been unfaithful. Like this man you feel you know so well has a dirty little secret.
This is understandable.
There are two sides to every story, and yours is here in print. It is really difficult for a man to try to explain to a woman why men watch porn, look at women in magazines, or read erotic stories.
Men see this as harmless, while many (not all) women feel threatened and undervalued.
All I can suggest is that you explain how you feel to your boyfriend. If he loves you, which I'm sure he does, he needs to be open about the magazine issue, and stop hiding it, or stop completely, as it upsets you. I also think that you have tried do hard to 'please' him, it hurts to think that he might be getting his kicks from another source, even a magazine. You should be everything that he needs, and if he's feeling horny, why not come to you? I think I understand that much.
To put things into some perspective, I do not, and cannot desire a female smoker, so I guess I would be equally horrfied if I found find that my partner of 17 years had been smoking, and HIDING it. I would feel completely betrayed.
I think that you really need to point out how terrible this is making you feel. This is a complex issue, but the simple fact is, something that your boyfriend does upsets you are massively. He needs to stop, and try to understand your values.
You need to speak to him, and try to understand why he needs to titillate himself with erotic tales. Communication, as always, is the key.
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (6 October 2009):
 Men and women are different.
If you are lucky, you can live happily together, and even enjoy the differences or at least make them work together. But men and women are different.
Take something as simple as a hug. Most women are smaller and so the hug because a protective shelter. The man is bigger, he surrounds her, protects her.
Sex, the man penetrates, invades her body. She is penetraded, allows him inside herself.
Our society makes this difference so clear that as young as babies we already show differences in our behavior.
Not all those differences are nice and not all of those differences are absolutes, some vary by something as simple as culture. You won't see to british lorry drivers walk hand in hand but in other cultures that is normal.
Men, a lot of them anyway, tend to look at porn. It means to them...
Well, you are woman, and women read trashy romance novels (modern ones being fairly explicit) and watch trash movies like Titanic. Why?
Why does a happily married woman who got all the romance she can want, go and see a chick flick?
Why does a happily married man who got all the sex he can want, go and see porn?
If you can answer the first, honestly, you have answered the second.
It is understandable that you feel upset because to you it is a betrayel. But it ain't to him. Can he get upset about the posters of teenboy bands you had over your bed when you were a teenager? How about those tv-drama's with Doctor McDreamy and such? What is the difference with Baywatch?
Stop looking at porn through a woman's eyes.
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents  +, writes (6 October 2009):
 I think you should stop worrying about this. You are probably shocked because in your mind you had this notion that porn is bad and always thought that your husband was not one of those men that looks at porn. He probably kept it from you all these years because of your feelings about it. But honestly, porn in a magazine just isn't a big deal! And if you can come to terms with that idea, you'll be alright! If your husband had cheated on you then you should be angry. But porn is just porn. I mean they have entire channels on cable devoted to it, and even when you go to the beach and watch the half naked people that could be considered almost porn. You need to chill out, sex has always been a part of every culture, the one line that is just not considered right to cross is cheating, but don't worry about anything else.
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male
reader, Ifyoudontmind +, writes (6 October 2009):
I just was wondering, What is it that bothers you about it all,
is it a threat of some sort, I just want to better understand why it troubles you in such a way.
-iydm
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female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (6 October 2009):
'I love him so much, he is my soulmate.'
Then stop expecting him to not be a Man. Guys look. It's in their nature. If it weren't then there would be no need for porn. The number one use of the internet IS PORN. Who is looking at it? Women? Not really!!! Pretty much guys!!!
'Other guys look, but not my man, I'm everything that he needs.'
The big thing that I see here is that you have had a blow to your ego and you don't want to accept him the way that he is. You have been bragging to all of your friends about your boyfriend, the saint who never looks, and implying that they are married to perverts. Let's face it, your boyfriend is a saint is he has only bought 20 magazines in 20 years. He's CERTAINLY not addicted to it. He looks occasionally. A centerfold is two dimensional and has staples in her belly-button. Turn the page and she's gone. Your still there in all your three-dimesional glory.
You know, it's normal to have fantasies in your head about other people from time to time when you are sleeping with a long term partner as well. I'll bet he wouldn't be willing to share any of them with you because you have such an unrealistic view of what guys are and what love is, and the moment he did share? You got all bent out of shape over nothing. This guy has been with you for twenty years!!! Be thankful for that! Stop expecting sainthood! He's a nice, normal guy. Sneaking a magazine once a year has NOTHING to do with whether or not he loves you!
Being punitive about this is egocentric and it's mean, not a loving gesture at all!
I just can't feel the same way??? I can't get over this, I was tricked, he lied to me? He had to!!!
You haven't been very realistic about men. Even after he told you the last time he bought one was six years ago, you still are shocked? Wow! You must really want to tank the relationship that you have together - causing so much drama over something that happened 6 years ago. If you truly wanted a man who never looked, then you should have ended the relationship years ago when you first found the magazines under his bed. That would have been the right thing to do. Expecting someone else to change themselves in order to please an unrealistic expectation that you have isn't mature. You can't change others, you can only change yourself.
The one glimmer of hope that I read was that you were willing to go along with one thing that he liked because you saw how much it pleased him. That, at least, showed that you were concerned for someone else. I felt like you did when I was 15. When I was 35, I got the way my husband was, and didn't expect miracles or unnatural behavior. You just can't change another person or how they think or behave. The only person that you can change is yourself, your own expectations, and how you love another flawed and normal human being. You have flaws too, remember?
I think that you are being totally unreasonable and that you don't truly appreciate what a gem your long term boyfriend is. You made him hide his normal male behavior, and when you finally got him relaxed enough to share his fantasy world with you, you acted shocked and punished him for it. That's not loving behavior on your part. That's whipped. I think you have got some soul-searching to do. If you don't treat him right, someone else will. Sorry. Harsh, but... pretty close to the truth that most men are living, I'm afraid.
Get your head out of the sand and go smother him with kisses. Maybe, buy some anime or computer generated porn, that doesn't actually have a 'live' female in it, and watch it together. He'll be so thrilled that you want to loosen up and enjoy a bit of fantasy with him, and it will satisfy him (without releasing the jealous and needy side of you - aren't I all you need?). You'll knock his socks off.
Of course he loves you. You are everything he needs and he needs you to understand that he loves you, even though he likes some fantasy in his sex life, and that he's just a regular guy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): HiHell yeah!! You guys have such a beautiful thing going, and hey, sex IS a big deal for a man! The more forbidden it is, the more curious it gets him. I must say, that your man respected you enough to never bring them into the house! You really should try to get over this. My boyfriend (almost) regularly watches porn and I am actually fine with it. In fact, I have seen a few and I absolutely don't get the whole debate over porn or the whole righteous indignation and the anger over it!!! And I am a pretty 'hot' woman myself. SO, really, think of it as a totally impersonal emotion. And, yeah, he is not fantasizing over any porn women while with you!!! Banish that thought out of your head. Can't you see how immensely lucky you have been so far? I mean what are the odds of a teen romance to grow this way? And, you were okay with sex before you found out about the mag thing, right? You need some time to deal with this issue. Meanwhile, I suppose that you are suffering from some insecurities regarding your impact on his sexual satisfaction! Talk to him. Open up and share how it makes yo u feel, tell him that you want to be his only sex goddess and you want to be the sole reason for his sexual gratification!!! Just talk it out with him. You have a very beautiful relationship (touchwood). Don't compromise it over something so irrational. Also, going out and buying a porn mag is actually a good idea... you will know what it contains. (I had a very different vision of a porn site before surfing a few. Later, I realized just how fake they are and how women are portrayed to be these absolutely unrealistic version of what they think that a man would desire. I beg to differ. Only an immature boy would take that over the top portrayal to be real, and we real women have as much to fear from these porn films as supermodels have from the mannequins displayed!!!).So, I think that you should believe him when he says that he reads them only for the stories! I mean, haven't there been any instances when you saw the film and wish that it was happening to you? He is doing the same thing!! So, really, don't worry. Let this one go.Love :)
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reader, doom  +, writes (6 October 2009):
 Hi, your message is really long, but I understand what you felt.Don't think bad but you're perfect as wife,women...you do everything foyour husbend.Maybe you were one of his first sex partner and he didn't have any more, so he is curious,but be strong,you should tell him what you want!!!! not only his desires....i think if you put a little presure on him he'll understand.You know it's just his fantazy who is working, not his reasonable rational part of brain:)good luck
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reader, charlie p +, writes (6 October 2009):
I think it's perfectly normal for men in a relationship to get dirty magazines. Don't feel threatened...most of them (FHM,Nuts,Zoo) are just male equivilents to heat or cosmopolitan. Unless of course it's hardcore. In either case, the magazines are normal...although he did lie to you. Ask him why, but remember it's not because he's unfulfilled, he's just a man and we're a scummy bunch of individuals!!!
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reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (6 October 2009):
so does it ever occur to you that maybe this is one of the reasons your sex life is so great? imagine this scene and really its not that far fetched. he's sitting there at work reading these stories in these magazines and the whole time he's thinking "man i can't wait to do that to her". her meaning "you" of course. he's prob not thinking about those other girls in the magazines he really is most likely thinking about you. if he is telling the truth about the frequency to which he buys them that is hardly alarming. sounds to me like you should just keep having fun and yea by all means get into it with him
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