A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 31, she is 29. She is drop dead gorgeous. We fell in love a year and a half ago when she was one of my day nurses when I had spent some time in the hospital recovering from a tumor in my knee (non cancerous)During our time dating, I would try to get her to reveal her past relationships, but she would always try to change the subject. I had always figured she just had a lot of bad break ups and didn't want to talk about it.I proposed to her this past Saturday in front of a water fountain we would always go to, to sit and talk. She cried with joy and accepted. Probably one of the happiest moments of my life. I get home from work yesterday and she is sobbing. I asked her what the problem was, and she told me she had to get her past relationships off of her chest.She told me when she was 17 until 21, she worked as a prostitute, until she was introduced to a company that hired her as an escort where she worked until she decided to go back to school and become a nurse. She stripped through nursing school where she also had one night stands on the side. She told me she had over 450 sexual partners in her past.She told me it's her past and she sees me as her future, but I really don't know what to think. This all came as a huge shock to me, and never saw myself with a girl like that. I kissed her, told her I loved her, and have been at my brothers place since. I can't confront her right now, even though I want to.Any advice on how to deal with this would be appreciated. My mind is racing right now.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 thats a bombshell isn't it? i can understand why you are so upset. she did it as a job though, not for casual enjoyment. she has broke away from that life by qualifying as a nurse. she seems deeply ashamed of her past and she has now shared it with you, she could have kept it secret from you but she gave you the chance to know what she has done and you now can decide if you want to be married to her. i hope you can get over this, there are women in the world that have not been to the depths that she went to but it does NOT make them BETTER people. she is what she is. most of it you love, THIS aspect you don't but you just have to weight things up - do her good qualities outweigh the revulsion you feel about her shady past?
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female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (23 August 2011):
 When I lost my job several years ago there was one low point where I didn't even have enough money to buy tampax. The food brought was all value products (when Jobseekers allowance was received) and we were really in dire straights! Did I go off and prostitute myself - NO, as I have far too much self respect for that. I personally do not understand anyone who makes that choice. I have to commend your partner for getting out of a bad situation and it's laughable to see some of the men's response on here, denigrating her, particularly if they have ever watched porn or paid to sleep with a prostitute - huge double standard springs to mind!! I sense this won't rest easy with you but ultimately the choice is yours. She made extremely bad choices and they are coming back to haunt her; karma springs to mind, especially if she was sleeping with men who were married or with partners! You need to talk to her and establish WHY she made that choice - perhaps she will come up with an answer you can live with. Good luck.
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reader, truelover  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 I hope what I wrote earlier made sense.Now, here's my idea of how you could approach this. I've not personally experienced anything close to this, so the advice from the posters who've been through this is much more relevant. But I tried my best to visualize your problem and this is what I came up with:A small mental exercise to clear things (I find that using my head to guide my heart brings clarity whenever I'm in an emotional crisis)1. Ask yourself if you'd known about this in the beginning what would you have done - Not going forward with the relationship - Looking back (with the info that you now have about your gf) how would you feel about this? a) Relieved that you'd have saved yourself from such a problem b) Regret missing out on such a wonderful person with whom you share a strong bondIf your answer is 1.b), then ask yourself2. If it would be possible for you to find another wonderful person with whom you could share the same, if not better, bond? a) Yes b) NoIf your answer is 2.b), then ask yourself, what are those specific qualities she brings to the relationship? What do you really cherish and love about her?- Answers to these will help you understand why you love her and how special she is to you... and help you overcome this.On the other hand, if you answered 2.a), then ask yourself, 3. Given the present situation, what would be the cost of extricating and ending this relationship and finding someone new? - a) Would you be OK with a compromise and be able to adjust / accept this and move on with her completely? In that case, why would you not want to find someone better (if you thought it was possible)? Is this in any way related to your self-esteem? - b) Would you prefer losing the relationship (with all of the time, emotions and love u've invested) and start afresh? - Would you be able to make a clean break and move on?I hope this process adds clarity and not confusion... if you feel doubtful of your responses, set conflicting feelings aside for a moment and ask yourself what YOU really want (be prepared to face the truth) and also visualize where appropriate.A lifetime commitment like marriage is a very important decision, and must be carefully thought through. Hence, my 2 cents on this.Hope you're able to come to the right decision and get to a better place in your life.Wish you strength, clarity and the best in life.
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reader, truelover +, writes (30 April 2011):
Damn! You're in a pretty bad situation... I empathize with your shock, feeling of betrayal (yes, you're idea of the woman you thought you were going to marry has been betrayed) and the confusion (you have become deeply involved with her and there's conflict... between a part of you that is disgusted and the part of you that's still attached and has feelings and memories of your time with her).Given the kind of place you might be in mentally...Let me first dispel some of the condescending and misdirected advice some of the others have posted below (felt this might useful to you and others who face similar predicaments).1. No you're NOT an ASS and there's nothing wrong with you for feeling what you feel (in fact there might indeed be something wrong with you if you didn't feel upset)2. You're NOT being "hugely judgmental". Your expectation that your wife-to-be should not have prostituted herself EVER is perfectly normal. It's about values... Sex is a very natural urge and need for almost everyone but most people still do NOT view it as a commodity that should be freely exchanged for money (the way we "trade" our other skills in the market)... most value systems of the world attach much greater importance to the act... which is why prostitution is not legal in most places and even where it is legal it is not held in high regard (sure there's a demand and supply of it in an underground, shady manner in many places... just like there's crime and drugs in many places... but that's the exception and NOT the rule... if the majority view / preference was the same, it would've been legalized in most places and the stigma attached to it would be gone). Guess what... everyone (especially women) are selective abt their partners, esp. the ones they want to commit for life... they judge prospective candidates' suitability as life partner material all the time.3. Everyone in every field of life is accountable for their actions... there are consequences to your actions (in the past, present or the future)...From our employers (who look at our past work experience), to financial, educational, and medical institutions... to even how other people perceive us, for e.g. they might usually look at what’s mentioned on our social networking page (data points from the past... like where we are from, which high school we went to, what kind of stuff we did, read, music we listen to... guess what... these are all connected to the past and have now become part of our identity)...Asking people to simply forget the past (usually in the context of relationships and specifically about "sexual history") and just "Get Over it" sounds a bit insulting.4. "If you were a girl, and were poor, and had absolutely no help, would you not prostitute yourself in order to get a proper education? Not everybody has money to go to college. She did what she could to become a nurse. Please, think about it.?" - Yes. Ask yourself this question. What would your answer be? You'd only be able to assume / imagine how it'd feel w.r.t. the situation but still I'm sure you'd know what line you would or would not cross. I've noticed a recurring theme here on dc, sort of like an "entitlement" mentality where people feel they should not be 'judged' / held accountable for what they did or didn't do. Common phrases thrown in for good measure are "everyone has a past", "everyone makes mistakes", "did it because of the terrible circumstances / situations"... really? Seriously, don't be gullible enough to believe that you and everyone else on this planet are nothing but a set of circumstances and that your choices, actions, beliefs and values mean nothing.I'm certain that in a land of tremendous opportunities like the US there are MANY ways to be useful to others and rise up from a background of poverty (might not be as convenient / quick as prostitution). Also, there's no need to feel that she was a victim who was "preyed on" ("assaulted?!") by her customers... she was old enough and chose to remain in the profession for 4 good years, if it was indeed that bad, I'm sure she (or any sensible human) would have preferred the alternative of just getting up, leaving and doing something "less-predatory and exploitative". While it might help you understand / sympathize better, no one's circumstances gives them the right to do as they please (like get into drugs / gangs, violent crime, or what not). This same line of thinking paints the consumers as always the bad guys, while letting the producers get away scot-free. For e.g. The porn-viewer is bad and sick while the porn actors are doing a great service, the drug dealer is a nice person who is catering to the needs of the sick and drug-addicted people, the arms supplier is the nice guy... all of this is just responsibility shirking and delusional. The real world does NOT work that way.So don’t beat yourself up for feeling the way you do, it’s normal. It’s not a problem of your doing…It’s not a shortcoming in you that you have to “overcome”… But you do have to overcome these feelings in order to move forward (whatever you decide) coz being in this kind of a situation is unhealthy and you need to change things as fast as you can without being too hasty.
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reader, clutchcargo +, writes (28 April 2011):
 I feel your pain. I think you have gotten good advice from many previous posters. The number of men in the world who have this problem is HUGE if it mirrors the quantities I read about on this site. I am one of them. I agree with those who say "if it bothers you now, it will bother you later", probably much worse.Do not think you will be doing her any favors by "gutting it out". Your feelings will be impossible to disguise and you will end up in a personal hell and drag her in with you.Those her give her credit for getting beyond the life she had been living are spot on. She probably is a wonderful woman. That changes nothing. You are who you are and I do not think you are the right man for her and she is not the woman for you. It has nothing to do with her past but everything to do with both of your happiness.
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reader, Mr. Smith +, writes (19 April 2011):
Contrary to what some people might say I will be 100% honest....do not marry her. Avoid all the hurt and misery this will cause you. Nowadays people try to justify things that are simply wrong with stupid excuses like "it is my past and I am a different person" or blame you for being immature of hypocritical. If your values are the way they are and you appreciate different things in life then my friend, yoube better off breaking the engagement.Just because it is her past does not mean you have to accept it and suck it up. Ps; AVOId at all cost getting her pregnant!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): Hi sorry to here about your situation its sounds like a hard place to be, my advice is simply this, times a healer i know its a cliche but its true, its gonna hurt and its gonna make you jealous and you will think about it alot for a while BUT over time you will forget about it to the point that you dont think about it unless its brought up its sounds like you have a really good relationship and thats something that shouldnt be thrown away lightly, and look at it from her side, how brave must she have been to pluck up the courage to tell you the truth when she must of known telling you would lead to a high chance of you leaving her? she has turned her life round granted her number is a bloody high one but still, that shouldnt change the way you feel about her merely the way you look at her until you have adjusted to the shock of it, my advice is this: have a long engagement get back to normal see how it goes trust me in time it will get better, if it doesnt at least you wont have the regret of not trying to make the relationship work again as it clearly did from what you said in your post.
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reader, wiseoldman +, writes (11 April 2011):
A friend of my wife and mine, a very beautiful university student of 22, is putting herself through university by being an upmarket escort- legal here btw. You'd never know it to look at her. Mind you, your g/f was honest, and getting through 3 years of nursing training takes brains and perseverence. Never remind her of her past, and remember that if you're concerned about a peculiar kink you might have, I assure you she's seen worse, and can accommodate yours...
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reader, abracadabra  +, writes (9 April 2011):
Learning news like this isn't the kind of thing you can make a quick decision over, either immediately getting over it or breaking up with her. You have to feel your way through it. Talk to her a lot, openly, about your feelings - and listen to her too. What someone said about seeing a counselor is a great idea.It will be hard to get over the shock, and admittedly, you may not be able to. But it sounds like what you have is really special, and it is worth trying. If you can get through this you will be closer than ever.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): Going to give the truth here and to be honest it might be a little on the blunt side.Enough similar stories posted so far, so I won't give you mine...But lets just say it wasn't nearly as crazy as your situation.If you aren't "over" it by now, or still can't "deal" with it, then you NEVER will. Don't kid yourself, relationships like these will fail, and end up hurting you, her, family (kids down the road?)I don't care what ANYONE says, no-one is forced into that many partners. She made her choice and it's not like she was a child at the time either.You shouldn't be the one to end up with someone elses good time (X400). No-ones a martyr in this day and age but "sluts" (she actually was a prostitute), want men like you because your a moral moral person. All the men she slept with in the past don't want anything to do with her.You need a girl with either a comparable or lesser sexual history, or a history that you can be cool with. Simple as that. What would your parents say about this? You may think your too old to ask but I trust my parents advice any day.Can we get a response from you please?
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reader, yesno +, writes (7 April 2011):
You will never forget it. But your feelings are legitimate. Women (and some men) will try to make you feel you are immature, unenlightened, or simply hypocritical. You're not. You're reaction is valid. Your emotions are your own. And the fact that what you feel is felt by a majority of men when confronted with this type of behavior in women, should give you comfort. Here is the issue in my opinion:1) Men put the women they love on a pedestal. The revelation that she is not, in fact, on a pedestal is jarring. The solution is to realize that very few women deserve to be on a pedestal. They are simply other guys with vagina. When you realize this you will see women more clearly. 2) You value sexual modesty. Don't sell this ideal short. There are women out there who value sexual modesty too. 3) The only women who get upset about this are the ones who do not value modesty but want to be treated as though they do. You are a man. And like any woman, you are entitled to think and feel what you want.I'm sorry to say this, but there is no way you can marry this woman. You will never forget this and it will burn you forever. Suck situation. She should have been upfront with you from the beginning. You sound like a good guy. Don't go for a woman who would conceal this from you. Wish you the best of luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): I can completely understand why learning something of this magnitude would cause a reaction of shock. But I think the most important thing for the two of you is some good counseling, both as a couple as well as separately. This way, you both are able to discuss with a therapist (rather than friends or family) what is going on and how you both feel about your past, present, and future, together as well as separately. A good therapist should also help her overcome issues she most likely has with her past employment. Also,a past like this is likely to be preceded by an even more disturbing childhood which could be worked through with a therapist as well. Talking with family/friends just makes things messy, and will cause her to become more guarded and embarassed. I feel that this industry can be incredibly difficult for anyone to endure, and perhaps even more difficult to overcome and get out of. Of course, the decision of whether to move on with the relationship is ultimately up to the two of you. I just hope you find the strength to work past this because if you truly have found "the one", which I assume you have, you may need to work extra hard to maintain such a good thing. Good luck with whatever decision you make!
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reader, Serpico +, writes (6 April 2011):
For starters, I think a battery of STD tests should be in order.
That said, if you cannot handle it now, my guess is it will not get better.
I know a lot of people would do some pretty crazy things for money. I have been pretty hard up more than a few times in my life. That said, I never sold drugs, I never stole, and I sure never sold my dignity, and I would be extremely suspicious of the character of someone who would.
I would never marry this woman, but thats me. You need to really come an honest grip if this is something you can fully accept.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): dude that is one tough bitch. She also sounds like a heart of gold. Think pretty woman, that movie. Ok its pretty heavy news I'd probably duck out on life for a minute and drink myself stupid but then I'd be disappointing someone you love and think is awesome. Look what she's done for herself. She is strong. Don't be insecure. She has come millions of miles from whatever shit world she's come from. And you didnt mention you're dying of aids so you can't be unrecoverably angry. I say leave that ring on her finger. You better choke down your issues. Its not ideal but only one in a million strikes gold the way it sounds you have. You love her. Pull your head out of your ass.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): It doesn't really matter if her past "shouldn't" bother you.
The real question is whether or not you can let it go. If the answer is yes, stay in the relationship. If not, you have little choice but to break up. Trying to force yourself to feel a certain way won't work, and it will just end up putting both of you through hell.
Everyone makes choices. From what you've posted, she chose to have one night stands. Having sex with a stranger for free is not something a person does because they are in poverty and need money. No one is "forced" to have sex with strangers for free. Having said that, she may have had emotional problems at that time in her life that she has since been able to overcome.
I'd give it some time, but there's no point in beating yourself up if you can't let it go, that won't accomplish anything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): I was just browsing this site to kill time but felt compelled to answer your question. I hate to say it but you might want to call it off. My story isn't even as "crazy" as yours but extremely relevant. About 5 years ago I was dating this girl, we had been together for about a year, I would describe the relationship as fairly serious. About 14 months in and after alot of fighting we decided to go on a "break"...barely 2 weeks into the break she wanted to get back together and I agreed. A couple of months later (1.5 years relationship total time), I went in to the room and she was crying her eyes out. It took hours to figure out what it was wrong. But finally she confessed that during the break she had sex with a couple of men, which was somewhat fair game because it was a "break."Anyways "I kissed her, told her I loved her", however as the days went on the anger and jealousy built inside me. Pretty much every day I thought about it. All the reasoning and excuses her female friends and other girls told me, didn't affect my attitude. At the end of the day I felt what she did was immoral and somewhat disgusting (we'd been apart like two weeks on a temporary break!) It ended up ruining the relationship, wasting alot of my time, and being emotionally draining. My attitude worsening, I took my frustration out by being a dick and we were over within 4 months. I tried really hard to let it go, but I think most guys have a huge problem letting this sort of stuff go.I hope I never have to deal with a situation like this ever again because she was a super sweet girl, but it just wasn't going to work.Bottom line, unless you can deal with it, and your are ready to commit to this girl don't hurt her anymore or yourself.
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reader, LustyLisa +, writes (31 March 2011):
I can easily see why you feel sick to your stomach about your fiancee's past, it's ugly and potentially dangerous. I'm sure she feels the same way about it too and that explains her reluctance to tell you about it. I do admire her for being honest at the risk of your judgement. We all make mistakes and not just when we were young! You may not have been a stripper or prostitute but I'm sure you've done some things that you are not too proud of either. You must not know or care about the circumstances that led her down that path in her early life. Normally, these young and exploited women/girls are from abusive homes and have no education, resources and no self esteem on which to try to build a decent for themselves. Your fiancee OVERCAME her obsticles to make a better life for herself and future spouse and children. And, she told you the truth about it! That says more about her character and trustworthiness than anything possibly could.
It's pretty obviouse that you deeply care for her but can you forgive and forget about her past? Can you still love her unconditionally? If you can't, then move on because "she" deserves better and that's a fact! This woman deserves support and admiration for how she's turned her life around and you have a choice to either being a part of her restoration or condemnation. It takes a very big person to do what she's done and come out a survivor, the last thing she needs in her life is more judgement and hardship. The question now is "are you a big enough person"?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): I agree completely with the guy who says 'DON'T BE AN ASS!'You're being hugely judgemental here. First of all, can you honestly say you didn't make choices as a teenager that you were ashamed of? Just because someone makes a mistake doesn't make them a morally degraded person,. It's how you deal with the mistake and heal your life that matters. Give her some credit for all that training to become a nurse - one of the most caring, socially responsible professions there is. It shows that she is a strong, amazing person. When someone has shown they can change, it's devastating for them to face judgements based on a past that they are ashamed of. She has earned more trust and faith from you. Second of all, you don't really know what drove her to such desperation that she sold sex to live. My guess is that terrible things have happened to her in the past that forced her down that road. Instead of sulking at your brother's house, you should grow up and be understanding of the fact that some people don't come from a nice, loving background and have to do terrible things to survive. Anyone who says 'there are many ways to earn a wage' doesn't understand poverty. The prospect of easy money, when you are desperate, is a great temptation that judgemental people in nice middle class households just can't understand. Finally, I agree with person12345 - these are not 'partners' in any sense of the term. They weren't 'intimate' with your girlfriend in any emotional way. You might as well suggest that sticking your finger in 450 people's ears made them your partners. It's ridiculous. She's a person, not a number. You're throwing away something hugely valuable here.
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reader, baddogbj  +, writes (31 March 2011):
 SillyB has it exactly right.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): Any sane rational person would feel sick about their partner having that kind of past. Anyone telling you "just get over it" is repeating a canned generic opinion about sexual pasts and not really thinking about your situation at all. I would worry more about you if you COULD just brush this off like it's nothing. I can't tell you what to do now. I can only say that if you can't deal with it, and that means deal with it in the PRESENT time, then don't expect it to ever stop bothering you at some future date. It is what it is, take it or leave it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): You indicated you are from the US (the flag by your name). So I'm making certain assumptions about geographic location here.It takes a special kind of person to overcome the moral restriction necessary to become a prostitute. It's a shortcut to quick money. I'd think twice about a lifelong commitment with someone with that err....ability to traverse such human moral restraint. There are ways to feed yourself in this country that doesn't involve that. If she looks good enough and have a personality enough to be a prostitute/escort, she can work a minimum wage job and work her way up like most people.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): dude--wow. that is craziness. i feel so bad for both of you...
I think you should stay at your brother's for awhile and really think about whether or not you can love this woman. While the other posters all say "the past is past" it's not really true...the past makes the present. If you can forgive her this and love her for what she is now (which I hope is the case if you two are good together) that would be wonderful. If not, you have a really hard conversation ahead of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): "During our time dating, I would try to get her to reveal her past relationships, but she would always try to change the subject..."
Some things are best not reveled- 99.9% of the men that ask these questions can't deal with the reality, and this one is one of those.
You need to love her where she is and for who she is. 4 or 400, it doesn't matter if she's with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): Why do you care what she was? I doesn't matter what we were then, but what we are now, and more importantly what we stand to become.
To judge her would prove you to be shallow and not worth marrying.
Take this woman and love her as if your life depended on it. And don't you dare even think of letting the fact she stripped to pay her way through school (she isn't the first or last to do this... though admittedly this is definitely the first case of this excuse being legitimate).
The past is the past. Leave it there.
You fell in love and are marrying the woman she is. Not the one she was.
I might also add that I do not consider prostitution to be the dead-end job you seem to. Many prostitutes are not forced and have legal status and rights in my country, providing they are working for a registered brothel.
And stripping... what's wrong with that profession? Exotic dancers are people. Deserving of respect, no matter their chosen profession. And the amount of skill, agility and strength required to do half of what they do is enough for respect in and of itself. I could certainly never gymnastics a goddamned fireman's pole they way they do.
I disagree with people being forced into ANYTHING. Whether it's having sex or working in an office or an arranged marriage.
But I don't judge. I have no right to judge anyone. We are all just humans, trying to make our way through these woods we are all lost in, after all.
Flynn 24
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): [I'm a 26 years old men]
DUDE!
DON'T BE AN *SS.
If you love her, and she loves you, forget the damn 450 other guys.
Listen, poverty can get the worst of us.
She had a necessity for money, and you know how hard getting money is. Prostitution seemed to her as the only way out.
Lets listen to the facts:
1) She has showed to you that she is serious about her profession, she was even your nurse by God's sake. She wanted a change in her life.
2) She TRUSTED YOU with the biggest secret on her life, that means YOU ARE SPECIAL FOR HER, not like the other 450 OTHER GUYS.
3) 450 is just a d*mn number, just get it out of your mind. She has already had a bad time trying to erase those memories from her mind.
4) You are probably the first guy to ever propose to her. THAT IS THE DIFFERENCE FROM ALL THE OTHER GUYS. You are in a very privileged place on her life, just DON'T SCREW IT UP.
If you still feel disgusted by her, take a time and try to walk on her shoes. Ask yourself this question : If you were a girl, and were poor, and had absolutely no help, would you not prostitute yourself in order to get a proper education? Not everybody has money to go to college. She did what she could to become a nurse. Please, think about it.
The woman you describe sounds like a great girl. She won't ever leave you unless you start treating her as a prostitute. If you change your attitudes toward her, and start treating he different, and call her names, I bet you'll lose her.
BE A MAN!
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reader, Orbiter +, writes (31 March 2011):
It's come as a shock so don't make any rash decisions just yet. I'd stay at your brothers for a while longer, I don't think you're in the right, calm frame of mind to discuss this with her just yet.
I can't really offer advice on what to do. Just take into account things like, can you ever in the long term future see yourself accepting this and putting it behind you? How good was your relationship before this, is it worth fighting for?
Also consider that she worked hard to better herself and become a nurse, the fact she told you the way she did shows she regrets her past but sadly she can't change it.
Judging from your post, it sounds like you had a good relationship especially when reading the part:
"I proposed to her this past Saturday in front of a water fountain we would always go to, to sit and talk. She cried with joy and accepted. Probably one of the happiest moments of my life."
They are harder to find than you might think so personally I'd suggest you try hard to move on from this with her and accept the past is past.
It's up to you but if you really feel you can't live with it then let her know gently. There's no right or wrong in this situation.
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reader, SillyB +, writes (31 March 2011):
 Wow this is tough...but shows what a truly beautiful woman she is on the inside. To go through everything she went through at a very young and immature age to become an educated, smart, classy and beautiful woman! She should be proud of herself and so should you.
She must be a fragile person, she's experienced physical/emotional trauma by being a prostitute and stripper. She must have been beyond scared to tell you and only fell apart when the guilt got the best of her.
What she needs now more than anything is a person who will not judge her and still love her more than anything. I hope you see her for the courageous person she is - to overcome whatever she experienced as a teenager that lead to her becoming a prostitute, then being a prostitute and later a stripper. Despite everything, she turned herself and her life around - became a nurse, helping other people while living an honest and good life.
You need to toss away your judgment and concerns. What she was like a decade ago only created the person she is today. Still very vulnerable and fragile. So do the right thing and be there for her and love her.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (31 March 2011):
 Sex for a prostitute is not sex. It is work. Horrible horrible work. She didn't want to have sex with those men, she was desperate for money. Most strippers and prostitutes say that they have to imagine physically hurting their clients to get through a shift because they loathe them so much. Being a stripper or a prostitute can be traumatic, that's probably a lot of the reason she wanted to tell you. It was probably a horrible experience for her. I've heard women in that industry say that "having sex" with those men felt like being raped. She hasn't had 450 sex partners, it would probably be insulting to her to call what she did sex. It's ridiculous for you to call them her past partners. They were not partners, they were johns. People who would buy another human being to act out their fantasies on, not with. What she needs is support, not anger.
Further you say you asked her to tell you and she didn't want asked a question and are now punishing her for answering, it's not fair to her. It is in her past, she's with you now. She's been through a lot, don't punish her further. She wasn't with those men, she was used in a terrible way by them. She loves you, this doesn't change that. Nothing has changed except now you know that she went through a terrible experience.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (31 March 2011):
 That's a really tough pill to swallow! Wow, talk about a bombshell.
My standard response to issues regarding the past is that the past is something that we cannot control or change, it simply is what it is. What we learn from it makes us the people we are today.
Her past is ugly, and I'm sure it has caused her many difficulties. She is the person you fell in love with. The only thing that's different today is your perception of her because of her past.
Of course, you do not need to accept her past, but it may be in your best interest to do so. I have a feeling that she will be a wonderful partner to you, because she loves you deeply, and she will do her best show you that for the rest of her life. That is, if you can manage to forgive her past mistakes and accept her as the woman you fell in love with.
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