A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't find my boyfriend really attractive, I said I would go out with him, because he is the only guy that has EVER shown any interest in me... I have tried everything to become more attracted to my bf because he really loves me! But I don't really know what to do...Selfishly I don't want to break up with him because I know no other guy will go for me... ;( but at the same time, I want to be with a guy I am physically attracted to ._. What should I do? How do I become more attracted? How do I get another guy? Help! ;( Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (31 March 2011):
 You have to break up with him - it is very unfair and unkind to string him along when you are not attracted to him. If he loves you then of course it will hurt him when you break up with him, but you will hurt him more in the long run if you stay with him for the sake of it and then ditch him when someone better comes along.
It is very wrong to stay with someone just because you cant get anyone else right now - relationships should be based on mutual love, respect, care, attraction and trust. And if only 1 person feels this way, and the other does not - you are lying to him and it is wrong. It is kinder to end it now, before he falls for you further, rather than staying with him for longer so he is even more in love with you and then dumping him.
As for other men - you are only what, 16 or 17? Of course there are going to be hundreds of men in your life that will like you! Dont give up just yet, you are still incredibly young! No other guy will like you when you have a boyfriend - so by being single that is the first step to finding someone else! And then just be patient, there are not always going to be queues of men lined up desperate to date you, often guys come along at random times when you least expect it. There will be times in your life when you are struggling to choose between different guys who all like you, and then there will be times where no guys come along for months. This is just life - dont take it to heart thinking that no man will ever want you. If you think like this then no man will come near you because you are so miserable and desperate that will come through.
What men want is a happy, confident and positive girl who is happy on her own, rather than 'needing' a guy to make her happy. Learn to make yourself happy - and I promise you, men will come along soon after! No guys like needy, miserable girls who are clearly desperate for male attention. Guys like the girls who are happy with their friends, having a laugh and not constantly scanning the room to see if any guy is looking at them. Guys love the chase of getting a girl - if you are so blatantly desperate and available it is no fun for them.
I remember very well at your age that all you think about is boys, and it is tough because everyone has boyfriends & girlfriends and if you are single you feel like the odd one out, and all you want is a boyfriend. But you need to learn that this is just your hormones talking, you can be perfectly happy on your own until the right guy comes along who you are really attracted to. Waiting for the right guy will be worth the wait, I promise.
So please, end things with your boyfriend as it is totally unfair on him for you to stay with him. He deserves someone who really cares for him and someone who loves him too, so do the right thing and break up with him.
As for you - focus on making yourself happy before you think about boys again. Try a new haircut, get some new clothes or make-up, give yourself a bit of a makeover and feel really great about yourself. Take up a new hobby or pick up an old hobby that you used to love - keep yourself busy and make yourself the most interesting person you can be. Men loves girls with intelligence and who have lots to talk about - they dont want the typical airhead who only talks about shopping and her tiny pet dog. They want someone who has lots of interests and hobbies, who isnt just the typical girly girl who only wears pink and giggles all the time at nothing. Yes they want a girl to look nice and take care of herself, but they dont want your brain to have wasted away for the sake of a pretty face.
I promise you more boys will come in time, you are still so young so dont give up hope just yet.
I hope this helps and good luck!
|
