A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just returned from Iraq on leave today to find my apartment empty. My wife took my son, my dog, and emptied my bank account...The one thing she left was a note on her side of the bed with her wedding ring was a note that simply said "I'm sorry". Anyone have words of comfort or advice? What am I supposed to do?
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (28 August 2011):
 Hi there. Unfortunately, this happens a lot in the military. Young military wives can't handle being alone and lonely with their husband's first deployment. They either A. cheat or B. empty the bank account and run while you're deployed. Why B? Because you're making that extra $ while deployed...she most likely didn't have a job and needed some money to leave. But to take all of it and not even send you an email explaining why she's leaving is just greedy. Not everyone is cut out to be a military wife. Marriage is hard enough, but being a military wife makes it even more tough.
I would get a lawyer to see if you can some of that money back..you're most likely not going to get it back unless you can prove she committed adultery. Also talk to your chaplain to see if he/she can help. Then be prepared to get nabbed in child support unless you can get custody of the child.
A
male
reader, happy140 +, writes (7 August 2011):
 What a cold heatded B-Thanks for your service, and while its sad you fight so people can have the freedom to do those types of things and the remark about it being your decision to fight for our country and you got what you knew you were getting into just pisses ne off. I bet if it was not a joint decision she knew what she was getting into also. She just decided that being alone for a while was too much. The one poster makes it sound like men and women deserve to get a Dear John letter. Thousands of relationship excels in this type of environment because some people need that alone time so a temporary LDR works well for them. You are protecting our country and it needs to be done. I just wish some people could loose there freedom instead of enjoying it because of there comments.
She needed to move on and I understand taking the kids (she couldn’t leave them there) but things are different now and I hope you enjoy visitation if not custody. That type of cold heartlessness should be dealt with the same way. However, it was good for you to find out now. If you decide you want a career in the military you needed to know now. It was a positive thing even if it hurts. Just know that your service allows people to make decisons like that and if we had no miliaty she would end up being stoned or worse. Freedom-it is a precise thing. Good luck with your kids and enjoy them.
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female
reader, harleygirl2010 +, writes (6 August 2011):
 I'm sorry that she did that to you. I will never understand how someone could cheat on someone they love. Yeah it must be hard but you have to be patient and wait. I would think that yes the nights are long and lonely but wouldn't that make the home coming that much sweeter? In my mind it would, but I don't know first hand. I hope things get better for you. Just hang in there and it will.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011): Get a good lawyer that understands your situation and take her for everything she has including custody of your child. She won't look very good standing in front of a judge with that story.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe bank account was a joint account. I'm home for three weeks on leave in an empty house that used to be filled with laughter. I know where she went. Her mother called me to ask me what had happened, I then asked to talk to her. She left because 1- she cheated, 2- she couldn't handle the nights alone, 3- she needed someone to be there for our son 4- she didn't like not knowing if I was going to be alive to call her each day. Aiden is only three years old. I know it must be hard for him to grow up wondering if his daddy will come home or not. I've never cheated on her, I've only given her my utmost respect and given her everything I could. We've been dating since the eighth grade, we got married as soon as we both turned eighteen, I enlisted. Nine moths later, she gave birth to my baby boy, I kissed them both good bye and got deployed. I come home on leave every year to see him another year older. Thank you everyone for your support and I'm proud to serve this country.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (5 August 2011):
Oh my, this is a very low, disgusting thing to do and my heart goes out to you. The first thing I thought when I read your post was: "is this even legal?" She took your son, your dog, your money. Sounds to me that you could report her to the police for abducting your son and stealing your money and dog. Seriously, if you cannot get ahold of her through the usual way, contact the police and get a good lawyer.
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female
reader, harleygirl2010 +, writes (4 August 2011):
First of all I want to say thank you for your service, and I'm terribly sorry she did that too you. I would agree with them about finding her and talking to her about why she left you. What is she sorry about and all that. I don't see why she couldn't wait for you to come home. You may be able to fix the marriage if, and only IF, you both decide to. I hope that things work out for you and that you can get your son and dog and all. I just don't understand why she would do that. Let me know if you find out and if you need to talk to someone to talk to you can always private message me. Good luck, may God bless you and guide you, and again thank you for your service.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 August 2011):
 Bless your heart. I hope you track her down and find out what the hell she is thinking. Check out the legal services the military offers soldiers and get custody rights to your son. Thank you for your service by the way.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2011): The marriage might be salvageable. But I don't see a reason to want to salvage a partnership with a person who would do this so callously & selfishly. The fact that she emptied the bank account on her way out tells you who she really is. You're better off being separated from this girl.
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female
reader, cherryberrytrapeze  +, writes (4 August 2011):
I'm sorry, but you clearly don't deserve someone like that.
Love is when you can wait for somebody for years and still feel the same passion you felt for them as before. Clearly she was impatient and simply didn't love you very much if she could simply up and leave just because you were away in the army.
You should be lucky that you made it back safe and sound. Take this opportunity to reconnect with family or friends and strengthen ties with them - people like them will be the ones who will support you during this difficult period. Also, see if you can do something about your emptied account. Surely there must be some way to track her down - taking money is illegal - unless it was from a joint account. If so, I am sorry for your financial (and emotional) loss and I wish you all the best.
May fate bless you with someone who will love you with all their heart, and will never leave you again.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2011): Get a good lawyer. I'm in the service too and recently divorced, and I know there are many laws in some states that protect those who serve in situations like this. Most give you added rights with regard to custody, alimony and division of property since it was beyond your control.
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (4 August 2011):
 I'm not sure if its comforting or in poor taste to say this, but at least you made it back alive. You're young, you have a chance at a fresh start, to find someone better, to rebuild your life... you've been handed a rough deal, but you've got the strength and time to recover from this.
You're unlucky... but there are others in Iraq who were unluckier.
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female
reader, wild-orchid-  +, writes (4 August 2011):
 Listen: first ask her about why she left you; she is sorry for what? Why has she left you for no reason? Then, fight for your son, dog and money...
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male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (4 August 2011):
Holy crap... that's the most shocking thing I've heard in a long time. What can you do? Well you've just got back from Iraq so get some booze, meet up with friends and just go nuts. Have a night where you can vent and forget.
After that... well, I suppose its time to chase your wife down for answers, your dog, a divorce, your money, possessions and joint custody of your son.
You've come back from the war only to find yourself in another one. I don't envy you, but I truly feel for ya mate... just try to keep busy, surround yourself with friends and family, but most importantly; tackle this overwhelming situation one problem at a time or you're just asking for a meltdown.
Keep us informed, this site is a great support network, but if you don't, then good luck aye :(
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (4 August 2011):
 You have your age listed at 18 - 21, I assume your wife was in the same age group, young. With you away in Iraq she may as well have been a single mother.
I have no words of comfort, and my advice is probably not going to help much either.
You need to talk to her, find out what the problem is, get some couples counselling, see if the marriage is salvageable, if it is then do the work required to get back on track, if it isnt then start legal proceedings to end the marriage and make sure your child is going to be safe, and cared for.
Going through the motions of sorting your life out, and taking care of the practical elements will help you deal with th emotional side of her leaving.
I feel very sorry for the three of you .... none of you are in a good situation right now. Sending positive thoughts .....
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (4 August 2011):
 Wow, I have my doubts that anything will be able to comfort you right now. That was horrible of her to do, and very cowardly. I would suggest attempting to get in touch with her when you feel you are emotionally ready. It would also probably be a good idea to get in touch with a divorce attorney.
I'm very sorry this happened to you, and thank you for your service.
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej  +, writes (4 August 2011):
 Get a lawyer. Go through with a divorce and try to get half custody of your son. Keep the note and the ring it can be helpful to you in court.
You didn't deserve this and I am sorry to hear this happened to you. You are probably in shock. You might want to see a counselor to help you sort yourself out.
Take care and Good Luck!
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