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He doesn't want a relationship, but still wants to see me and have sex. Am I wasting my time with his guy?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Sex, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 August 2011) 13 Answers - (Newest, 10 August 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *ikki87 writes:

Any advice would be much appreciate.

I am a single mum of one. I've been seeing a guy nearly a year now, in the begining everything was fine between us, had an amazing time and connected very well - physically and mentally. He lives a 1 hour from me.

We had a row break a few weeks ago because he doesn't want a relationship with me. After 2 weeks without no contact, he text me to say "I thought we were going to keep in touch, I fancy you so much and cannot you out of my head. But I don't want you to cut ties and keep in touch"

I was led to believe he started out looking for long term relationship (we met via an online dating site),

I am so frustrated, upset and confused at the moment. I asked him again about us, he doesn't want a relationship with me. He got a bit annoyed and fed of me asking again. Has said just as friends, but still has strong feelings for me and want to carrying on seeing me. We have sex.

For instance he never introduced me to his friends or his family. I really like him a lot, am I wasting my time on his guy? Should I cut ties from him completely? Is it because he will never committed to me?

*sighs* I feel lost and alone at the moment. Thanks For Reading!

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (10 August 2011):

eyeswideopen agony auntGood for you, in the long run you'll be very pleased you dumped him. Good luck Sister.

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A female reader, Nikki87 United Kingdom +, writes (10 August 2011):

Nikki87 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Update

I finally walked away and cut ties from him. I gave him a

a ultimatum, his replied was "We live a hour away from each other, you have a child and I have a career. Neither one of us can give it up and think you should find someone else closer to home, Goodbye"

It's obviously he never care for me and used me as a fuck buddy. I am heartbroken, hopefully in a few months, I will to get him out of my system and start dating again. Thanks again for your replies.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011):

Thank you for all your replies. Really appreciated!

I need to cut ties for my benefit, It's hurt a lot as I really like the guy but I am begining to realize he is not worth. I need to wake up and move on. If I can! he left a couple of messages/text me last night seeing I was quiet, I did not reply back to him.

As someone said to me - It's not worth the wait. you wait and wait for him to want you, and it never happens. cut your losses and find someone that wants to be with you all the time and in a genuine relationship. It's time to face the truth, I will never be his girlfriend. I am gutted.

Thanks.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2011):

Yes, you're wasting you're time with him. He is just after sex, and you're better than that I'm sure!

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A female reader, RedAthena United States +, writes (4 August 2011):

RedAthena agony auntIf you want a relationship, you are not going to GET anything from him. You are only going to be a GIVER.

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A male reader, Tom Obler  United Kingdom +, writes (4 August 2011):

Tom Obler  agony auntCut ties I'm afraid, he just wants relief when things suit him. He didn't introduce you to his family or friends because he wasn't "into" the relationship fully. He obviously doesn't respect you or your son/daughter. I do not think that his actions suggest that he is interested or planning for anything long term with you apart from when he feels like sexual relief. Don't let this happen.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2011):

Of course you should stop seeing him.

Cut all the ties with him. He's just using you for his own sexual pleasures and is taking the advantage of you being lonely. He knows your lonely and just wants to use you without having the "burden" of commitment.

Tell him to stop contacting you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2011):

Go back on the dating site and find someon else. use him until you;ve had enough.. and while you find someone else. You wil find it less painful this way. I wish you luck. he is a pig!!

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (4 August 2011):

Jmtmj agony auntNot even I can justify defending this guy.

You're wasting your time with him, please be smart and realize that he's just in this for the sex.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (4 August 2011):

Aunty BimBim agony auntAnd I agree, cut the ties completely, he is using you for the sex only, and as long as he is there in your life you wont find anybody new.

Cut the ties, give yourself a few months to get him out of your system, and then start looking again.

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A female reader, babygirllovej Canada +, writes (4 August 2011):

babygirllovej agony auntYou have been seeing a guy for a year and he still doesn't want to be in a relationship???? Wow...that screams red flags right there. Cut ties....now. He is using you!

1. He probably enjoys the sex but does want to commit as you have a child or he enjoys being single.

2. This one probably makes more sense as he has not introduced you to his family or friends. He probably is in a relationship and does not want anyone to find out he is cheating. I wouldn't be surprised if he already has a girlfriend/fiancé/wife.

Whatever the reason you need to cut ties. He is not going to commit to you and continue to use you for sex. He sounds like a jerk.

Good Luck and in the future don't ever let anyone treat you like that again. You deserve much better!

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A female reader, dmartin89 United Kingdom +, writes (4 August 2011):

dmartin89 agony auntYes! Cut ties, hes using you for sex..

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (4 August 2011):

eyeswideopen agony auntCut ties, he's just using for sex. You can do much better.

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