A
female
age
41-50,
*nswer
writes:I have been cheated by my married Lover, he has moved on to a "new girl"(another victim).he has completely removed me from his life,We both are in the same office, spend 8 hrs together, sitting besides each other, but we dont speak at all. he cut all the contacts off from me. initially I was very hurt, used to ask him everyday to talk to me, to behave normally with me (i used feel like a begger when I never used to get any response from him), he didnt even look at me when I was pleeding him to talk to me and trying to make things normal. over night am out of his life. when I think about the moments we shared,I really feel hurt. It kills me to see him treating me like " hey you know what I wanted to have sex with you, so had fun, now am done with it, you are nothing to me, never was part of my life, i never emotionally connected, i can have affairs with others, flirt with other gals but you dont have any right to question me".I cant bear the fact that some one used me, abused me, played with my emotions and feelings and just getting away with it as if nothing matters to him. (he didnt even bother to explain/talk about the reasons)!!Do cheaters always get away with what they have done? I cant put up with this torture everyday, he has to understand that his behaviour towards me is pathetic and punishable.What should I do now?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (1 November 2012):
 You cant tell his wife, chances are she wouldnt believe you even if you told her. You would just come across as a jealous crazy woman obsessed with her husband, and her husband is obviously a brilliant liar so he will tell her something along the lines of you are just someone from work have a massive crush on him and are obsessed with him - he will lie to his wife and make you seem like the bad person so he doesnt have to tell the truth.
So there is no point in telling her, she wont believe you and you will just make yourself look stupid.
As for stalking him to find out if he's having another affair - what would that achieve? How would that make you feel better if you knew he was with someone else? Would it make you feel better knowing he is having sex with 2 women (his wife and the other woman) rather than knowing about just the 1 woman (his wife)? Finding out if he was having an affair isnt going to bring him back to you, it isnt going to make your hurt go away, it isnt going to make anything better.
There is no way of getting over this quicker I'm afraid or making you feel better, it takes time. As you said yourself, it has been 2 months and you are not crying every day anymore, so you have made progress. Yes it takes ages and I'm sure you would like to be over it faster, but love and life dont work that way. Be patient and allow yourself to feel hurt, that is perfectly normal.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): His wife will find out sooner or later about his indiscretions.
After you have experienced being hurt by him yourself, why would you want to be the cause of his wife's hurt if you find out he's having another affair and you tell her?
If you are still having trouble getting over him after 2 months have past, maybe you should consider searching for a new job in your spare time, instead of thinking about what he may/may not be doing with his.
Once you secure a new suitable job, you can leave where you work now and forget all about this guy.
The reason I believe you're having a hard time with this is because you still see him at work and he's a constant reminder of what happened between you two.
Start looking forward now, not back, its for the best.
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A
female
reader, Answer +, writes (1 November 2012):
Answer is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks All.
Its been more than 2 months, Though I am not crying everyday now,I still feel bad, get hurt when I think he is hooking up with someone else.I know i was wrong, am guilty, I shouldnt have done what I did, but having a hard time letting it go.
Neither did I see him with someone nor I have any proof but I feel/think that he is having another affair.I must accept that I have a strong urge to do some detecive work/Stalk him to find out but i didn't do any of that.The thought of having him sex with someone else making me feel sick. Everytime he leaves early from office i think of him going to her.
I did not infrom his wife because of the pain and hurt she would feel and also because of their kid.In last 2 months have gone through the gamut of emotions:anger,sad,hurt,cheated,hate,regret...Should I inform his wife or should I find out if he is really having an affair with some one or not. How can I let this go and be happy.
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A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (27 September 2012):
Think about it this way: now you know what his wife must feel when she finds out her husband is sneaking around behind her back. Except for her it's ten times worse because she's married to this douche. That didn't stop you from sleeping with him and now you're hurt he's found another sex partner.
What goes around, comes around, lady. This was bound to happen. If he can't keep his wedding vows how can expect he'll stay true to you? You're not special to him, none of the women he hooks up with are. They're just fuck buddies to him, nothing more.
Leave your job or get transferred somewhere else and NEVER get together with married men again. Be happy you're rid of this guy. Use your freedom to become a better person and you may find yourself a better man as well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2012): We are human and make mistakes. But she is not the only one guilty of the crime. I might add no one forces a man to have an affair but the woman always get all the blaim. Cut her some slack she is hurting and show her some compassion.
I would get even and embarass him. They say revenge is sweet. JUst do it anonomously and sit back and watch.
Also find a sigle man that can love you and appreciate you. You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (27 September 2012):
 Let his wife know about his philandering ways so that she can decide whether she wants to remain married to this jerk...and you get your retribution.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (27 September 2012):
 Hi
What should you do? Find another job or transfer. If you don't you will go slowly mad. You broke 2 rules, you had a fling with a married man AND he was a work colleague.
He won't care, you are probably one of a string of women, he has just moved on to the next conquest, in time he will get bored of her. He owes you nothing nor the next or next or next..you all KNOW he is married and therefore a cheat and a liar.You all enable him to cheat.
Play with fire and you get burnt
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A
male
reader, tamperingtampaguy +, writes (27 September 2012):
I have no sympathy for you lady. How dare you sleep with a married man and then play the victim card. You reap what you sow . You are a poor excuse for a human being and what about the mans kids. If I were you , I would tell the guys wife. That would be a little bit of retribution.
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A
female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (26 September 2012):
 What do you expect he's a cheater he's had affair whilst married why would it bother him that he used you and moved onto someone else.
You feel hurt and used but what about his actual wife? Did you consider her feelings when you and him were doing the dirty? It isn't like you didn't know he was married but you never stopped to consider her feelings and neither did he so why would he consider yours?
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A
male
reader, BachelorGreatUncle +, writes (26 September 2012):
"I cant bear the fact that some one used me, abused me, played with my emotions and feelings and just getting away with it as if nothing matters to him. (he didnt even bother to explain/talk about the reasons)!!"
Sounds like something his wife would say if she ever catches on, especially knowing he's had at least two affairs of which we know.
"hey you know what I wanted to have sex with you, so had fun, now am done with it, you are nothing to me, never was part of my life, i never emotionally connected, i can have affairs with others, flirt with other gals but you dont have any right to question me"
You don't have any right to question him; you knew he was married from the start, if you didn't want to be all of the above, then you shouldn't have become involved with a guy whom you knew from the start had a wife he could use as a convenient excuse for any of the above. If you wanted to be more than a mistress, then you should have picked a guy with an opening for a wife.
"Do cheaters always get away with what they have done?"
As long as the women on whom they are cheating don't catch on, as his wife apparently hasn't seeing he's moved on to a new with-whom after dumping ex-with-whom (whom would be you).
"I cant put up with this torture everyday, he has to understand that his behaviour towards me is pathetic and punishable.What should I do now?"
Wallow in pathos and accept your punishment. That's the risk you took when you entered into an affair with a married man. If he's capable of cheating on his lawfully-wedded wife for eight years, then he's certainly capable of trading in his back-street mistress for a youger model with lower mileage and less wear-and-tear.
"What should I do now?"
Come to a more realistic assessment on your relative desirability the used second-hand second-vehicle market. When the odometer reaches 999,999 and turns over, remember to carry the 1 over to the next column. He's not the one with a expiration date stamped on him, you are. He can never be too old as long as he's willing to pay market price, at the end of the day he's not going to be the one facing the scrap heap.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): I believe you posted a question on this topic previously. I don't understand what else you want people to tell you, I'm sure you got some realistic responses to the previous post.
You are not the victim in all this and neither is any other woman he uses in his little conquest, his wife IS the victim.
What did you expect to happen from this? That you and he would fall head over heels in love, he would leave his wife and you both would live happily ever after? Affairs don't work that way I'm afraid. Affairs start as just a bit of fun, and usually end in disaster.
If you're finding it too hard to move on from this while working with him, then I suggest you look for a new job, or put in a transfer to a different area of the company. I think you're wasting your time trying to turn the clock back or even get an explanation from him...he doesn't care!
I think you should take this as a lesson and learn from it. Affairs aren't worth it in the long run.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 September 2012):
 I think you might want to consider finding a new job... since you asked what you should do now to get over this pain that you caused yourself.
See here at DC cheaters and their enablers (you are an enabler as you allowed him to cheat on his wife) are not well thought of with good cause.
IF you were foolish enough to be the little bit on the side for a married man, then you should be aware that you are just reaping what you sow...
how much pain do you think his wife will feel when she determines she is married to a lying cheater? The issue is you knew from step one he was married and yet you agreed to this affair... did you think he would leave his wife for you? They rarely do you know...
and now that something new and shiny has caught his eye you are yesterday's news...
His behavior is pathetic and punishable? WHO is going to punish him? His wife? his current girlfriend? God?
Normally my statement is "living well is the best revenge" but in this case, it does not matter.. you mean nothing to him and never did. That hurts but it's meant to.
I want you to hurt so badly that you will never again compromise yourself with a married man.
Get some counseling to help you heal and move on...
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Hi,
There is not a lot you can do. You got involved with a married man and that will bring it's problems along. He is on to someone else because that's what he does. His wife suffers and now you suffer. You have had an escape believe it or not. Never let this happen again.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Let's look at just one "question" which is bugging you:
"Do cheaters always get away with what they have done?"
The short answer is that Yes, cheaters DO "get away" with using women... WHEN THOSE WOMEN ALLOW THEM TO DO SO!!!!
That last phrase is so critical.... and, to me, it is so ironic to read a complaint that a MARRIED lover is "cheating" on his paramour. What the heck.... he (and she) STARTED OUT cheating on his wife!!! What gives her (the paramour) reason to believe that he is going to treat HER any less shabbily that he treats his WIFE??????
Good luck......
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): I want to say that I know personally exactly what you mean because I have had a similar experience. It really is terrible when you realise that you meant nothing to him. If you can possibly get another job elsewhere then I think you should. You need to get as far away from this man as possible.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): A cheater will always cheat. Move on.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Once again I must point out that YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM, his wife is. You were an active participant in this mess, YOU caused this pain in your life, YOU and only YOU allowed this to happen. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and vow to never ever be in this position again.
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A
female
reader, ktmae +, writes (26 September 2012):
 i have to agree . . . Him being married and fooling around with you should have been the first sign that he was a loser. Whats not fare is that you knowingly were with a married man all these feelings you are feeling . . . How do you think his wife and possibly kids are gonna feel ? Just imagine being her. Im sure she has put way more into that relationship and is gonna be far more hurt than any of the ''other women''. Im sorry you got hurt and i know being lonely can blind you from whats right sometimes but dont set yourself up for failure and pain. Lesson learned and his punishment will come when his wife catches him and she will eventually but untill then find you someone who is not already taken who has their whole heart to give you .
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (26 September 2012):
Look - you allowed this to happen. You willingly got involved with a married man, you knew he was just using you because you were 'the other woman', you were never the only woman in his life so you could never be anything more to him than just a bit of fun.
You say you cant bear the fact that someone used you, so why did you let him? He didnt force you to get involved with him, when you found out he was married you could have walked away and not got involved. Instead you CHOSE to get hurt, you brought all of this upon yourself.
What should you do now? Learn your lesson and move on. His behaviour towards you is not punishable, his behaviour towards his WIFE is punshable because he is breaking his marriage vows and hurting her beyond any hurt you can be feeling now. He shouldnt be punished for hurting you, because you chose to be hurt by him. You shouldnt have gotten involved with a married man, end of story. Affairs with married men always end up with the other woman getting hurt, and you are old enough to know this by now.
Will he ever get caught for his cheating? Hopefully. Or perhaps his wife already knows and just turns a blind eye. Either way, his marriage and his cheating are none of your business, what goes on in their marriage is between them and there is nothing more you can do.
He is the kind of man that doesnt care about anyone's feelings, otherwise he wouldnt be cheating on his wife. When you found out he was married, you should have realised that this man has a very bad character because he is willing to cheat on his wife, and a man like that cannot be trusted and you should have known he is no good. Instead you expected him to love you and care for you, despite knowing he is supposed to love and care for someone else yet he is willing to hurt her.
Learn from this - DONT GET INVOLVED WITH MARRIED MEN. Even if they say they will leave their wives for you, that never happens and it is just a lie so they can have sex with you.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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