A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I have developed strong feelings for a friend who I have known for some time, and he is a friend of my boyfriend for years. I met him the same day I met my boyfriend before we were dating. He was obviously interested at the time and is still obviously (only to me at least) interested in me in a romantic way. We see each other frequently as my boyfriend and he and I are all friends. Neither the friend or I would ever do anything about it since we respect my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I have a good relationship. I love him and we live together. I don't know what to do because I think about him a lot both what it would be like to be together and fantasizing about him sexually. It is driving me crazy! What can I do to stop this? Thank you for your help. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for sharing your experience. I guess this kind of thing is not uncommon. I have no intention of trying to get with the friend. It is just really frustrating trying to stop thinking that way. We all were hanging out again last night and it is still hard, but he just started dating someone who is a nice girl that I like, so maybe that will help. I just feel really awkward when we are all together.
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (26 September 2012):
 I've been in this situation twice. One time I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend and me and the friend started dating. I didn't love my boyfriend, I felt I meshed a lot better with his friend, he was much more my type. Boyfriend and I didn't break up for me to pursue the friend, we broke up because the relationship was terrible and I got with his friend a little afterwards. We didn't make it long term, lasted 3 months. I heard a lot of things like "what kind of friend would do that to his best friend, date his ex he still loves??" and he wasn't a good guy so they were pretty right.
When it happened again it was with my current husband's best friend. In the beginning we were very off and on. I fell for his friend and even ended up making out (during an off period). Afterwards my now husband decided we should get serious, he knew of the incident with the friend of course. While we were working on the relationship I still harbored some feelings for the friend. I was able to get over it quite easily by reminding myself- why I am with my boyfriend, I don't really know this friend, and listing all of the friend's faults (he had a kid, ex wife, too much baggage that would never actually work for me). Over time I just got over him, it was a small crush that passed within a couple weeks when I thought realistically about it.
So since you love your bf, remind yourself why you are with him. And remind yourself the friend is a mere crush, wouldn't be real relationship material for whatever reasons you have. If you find you aren't happy with your bf then dump him. Pursue the friend later, but don't expect much from it. Better yet pursue someone that can keep your attention and interest focused on him. And last, if it proves to be impossible to convince yourself he's just a crush and you prefer your bf to him, then you dont love your bf as much as you think you do and should leave the relationship. He obviously is lacking something you are finding attractive in his friend. It's up to you to find out if it's worth leaving over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): Probably, it wouldn't be as good as you imagine with him.
And if you ever did cross the line, you would lose your current relationship.
It's not both of you who are holding back, it's just you. As a man, if you made a pass at him he'd be there like a shot. Regardless of the friendship he has with his mate.
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