A
male
age
30-35,
*thz
writes:So here am I in a new dilemma...The situation is like this, she isn't with her bf anymore because he betrayed her.. She had a 5yr relationship with him.. But now she ended up with him!Its been 5months we have been with each other.. (not in relationship) but we are very close to each other... We talk laugh share things.. Kiss through he phone.. We even kissed in reality.. Im quite patient in her case because i loved her since the day i met her! And she knows that i love her.. Its been around half a month since she broke up with her bf.. I stood by her side and made her overcome this tragedy but she still is upset sometimes when she thinks about him.. But i some how handle it...We were talking somedays before and she said that the feelings of love in me have died and my heart is dead, i dont know that whether i can love you or anyone again... Well, im confused and i dont understand that wether she will love me or not..!She is most comfortable with me, and we meet up many a times! Help me friends.. what is all this stuff like? what am i supposed to do? :L
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 September 2012):
 So you two have been flirting for 5 months, but she only got dumped 2 weeks ago? Am I reading that right? So she was having an emotional affair with you while he stepped out on her?
I think you need to back off and let her get though mourning the end of the relationship. Even if it was a crappy one that ended badly, she will still need time to figure it out.
If I'm right in my first paragraph, well maybe the reason she feels she can't be with you is partly out of guilt and partly because she isn't truly over the ex and over what happened. People just don't heal that fast.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): I think its too soon for her to move on from him and be ready to love again, however, that isn't to say she won't/can't love again.
She may never love you in the way you want her to as you have been there through this emotional situation with her, and when she is ready to love again, she will be looking elsewhere.
Think of yourself as the nest that has been keeping an injured bird safe, when its healed, it will fly the nest and find another home.
The same as her, once your company has served its purpose, she will move on and find another to love.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Hi,
It's sad but I believe you were her rebound. During the rebound people will appear to be the most amazing person ever. Then suddenly the whole thing stops abruptly. I believe she has gone and I wouldn't waste another moment trying to get her back because she wont be coming back. You helped her, she needed "something" and you gave her it. But now it's gone. Don't wait around, you will drive yourself mad.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): No she will probably never love you, she used you as a rebound possibly without intending to do so.
Athz I've been through what you just have, as have most people it's called a 'rebound'. And as you can see there's a reason it's called that because she's ended up right back with him.
Read your third paragraph again, see all those little signs and signals? They meant nothing, nothing at all. She may not even be attracted to you, it was all just part of a rebound. Girls and guys can be overwhelmed by grief and emotion and can get very attached to the next person who comes along until those feelings start to subside and their mind becomes clear again. Unfortunately there is this idea, especially amongst women, that the best way to get over someone is to "get back on the horse" and start dating again, but it's frankly just cruel on the new person.
No offence to BondGirl72 but don't follow her advice, even though I think she missed this part of your post - "But now she ended up with him!" this girl is gone, even if that didn't happen you should never, ever wait around, be patient and hang on to a girl on the rebound. It will only ever lead to heartbreak.
Let this girl go, take your time and get over her, you have absolutely no chance of ever being with her man, she chose someone else after 5 months of getting close to you, and she used you and threw you away once done. Maybe not intentionally but the effect is the same, you're now left to pick up the pieces.
I will say though OP, it gets easier after this because I had my first experience of a rebound girl at your age and I was never caught out like that again. I will never get with a girl just out of a relationship for anything other than sex. I will not emotionally invest in a girl who still has all of her emotions tied up in another guy still.
Never get with a girl who doesn't shut up about her, how he hurt her, how he betrayed her none of that shit. If you ever find a girl who talks like that, always keep your guard up and don't get too close.
Learn your lesson here and move on, never get with a girl fresh out of a relationship, they're quite simply not emotionally available to you and women like that will latch onto the first guy who pays them attention and will act like she totally wants that guy but it's always a lie and never worth bothering with.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Your girl just got out of a 5 year relationship. Did you just expect her to get over it right away? Relationships like that sometimes take months or a year or more to get over. Be patient with her and don't pressure her. She is being honest with you and saying that she is hurting and doesn't know whether she can love again. That's the honest truth.
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