A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf is currently not talking to me, I upset him last week and since then hes not been talking to me. I have tried to get a face to face meeting to apologise but he wont hear of it, so as a last attempt to save our relationship im going to write him a letter to apologise. Ive left him for 4 days now so if he doesnt speak to me after I send the letter then im going to have to face facts he no longer wants to be with me and move on. Has anyone ever written a letter before like this and do you have any tips of what I could put in it to show im really sorry? Im not very good with letters and putting my thoughts down. Thanks
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female
reader, Fernn +, writes (27 October 2010):
in my eyes darling you shouldnt be doing the running, i u've tried to text and ring him then you've done enough then leave it to him to do the chasing! just simply send him one last making it clear that u need to know if your still together and if he doesnt reply then its clear he no longer wants to be with you. the more running you do the further the run away from you. he made need space to clear his head but he needs to tell you how hes feeling! REMEMBER, let him do the chasing!
A
male
reader, shorty80  +, writes (26 October 2010):
Did this myself before, didnt work though, but if you are completely honest at least it might help you accept things, and ease your mind.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 Its a bit hard because we dont know what you did to 'upset' him. It might have been something illegal or really devastating for him, like sleeping with all his male relatives and friends the same night, including his decrepid old grandpa, or something as innocuos and telling him he needed to change his socks.
The best way to approach your letter is to be honest about your feelings, dont make excuses if you behaved badly. Be honest and to the point.
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A
female
reader, The_Nameless  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 I hope this advice (and my story) helps.
I supposedly upset my "ex" (I'm not sure if we were ever in a relationship) by accusing him of "using me." It seems that he never forgave me for it.
I wrote letters. I wrote emails. No matter how much I apologized, he said, "You can say sorry all you'd like, but you still said it." I said, "You're right." I owned up to that, and I asked him to not focus on this one bad thing about me, but to instead, focus on all the good things we shared.
I don't think it was unsuccessful because it was ineffective or anything; on the contrary, I think it was quite effective. It didn't work because he ... just didn't want me. So, as I say that it was effective, I would say use the things I said in mine:
1. Apologize
2. Explain why you did/said what you did/said.
3. Tell him you've learned from your mistakes.
4. Ask him to remember that you are the same girl with whom he fell in love with weeks/months/years ago; reiterate that the girl who offended him was not you, but instead a girl affected by ... (for instance, I was affected because I missed him, and he stopped contacting me. But I made sure not to blame him; I just said I missed him).
5. Perhaps end with another apology and your hopes with him going forward.
If, after the letter is sent, and he still doesn't even TRY to work on things, I would say you have to move on. What else can you do except apologize and explain yourself? A man in love, I feel, will not give up so easily.
Mine gave up, but that's because he didn't love me. Perhaps your relationship is more solid, so perhaps (and hopefully) you will have better luck than I did. I'm sure you will, in fact.
But ... I'm sure there are much smart, more experienced people who will answer this question as well. However, that's just my two cents.
I hope everything works out for you, dear!
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A
female
reader, cocoa23 +, writes (26 October 2010):
If you still love or like him, tell him that you are sorry and that you want to get back together and also say that you love or like him with all your heart then maybe he will come back to you. Instead of writing him a letter just hang around someone else to show that you have moved on from him then he will probably come over to you and ask you why you haven't hung out with him. this has happened to me as of last week so i know what you are going through. DON'T WORRY about him.
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