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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am frustrated about the entering of women at workplace and can't see it to be having much positive effect on the society. I am a kind of guy who wants his girl to need him, to be dependent on him for some reasons, may it be financial or emotional. I also have strong family values. Women who enter workplace, seem to me as becoming too much self-centered. Broken families are clearly detrimental to society and i am depressed about similar things happening these days. Please advice.
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female
reader, lisarocksyoursocksoff  +, writes (13 May 2007):
 well if this is a joke or not i gues soem peopel still ebelive it. alli can say that you have to get over it because it is happening. syaing that women need to be at home is the same as saying black people don't have the same rights as white peole becaus eit is till the close minded way of looking at things. if your wife doesn't agree with what you think then she simply isn't the one for you
A
female
reader, Keria +, writes (25 April 2007):
If "broken familes" are detrimental, they are only detrimental to the family that is broken. If he keeps his wife at home to raise his kids, and has a Leave-it-to-Beaver family, this "ideal" family of his can carry on being ideal even if the family next door is "broken".
Everyone is responsible for themselves. "Society" is just the personification of a whole bunch of individual people. Don't worry about what those whole bunch of individuals do among themselves, and they shouldn't worry about what you do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2007): Keria - I don't think it is a joke. Whilst I don't agree with the question asker, he raises a very big question about a link between the change of the role of women and the decline of the traditional family unit. In the last few generations there has been a tremendous shift in morality, it certainly raises a lot of questions as to the cause and just because you don't understand his perspective you shouldn't assume it must be a joke.
I don't see why everyone is getting so argumentative about this thread. The impression I got from the question is that the question asker needs to feel that women are dependent on him for him to feel a man, he wants to be the only provider in the relationship. Because of his inexperience of knowing women well enough and of the reasons for the social changes he can only make a judgement on what he knows best, I think that's all there is to it and that Irish answers it perfectly well and to the point.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2007): I don't think there is anything wrong with having a woman/wife stay home and raise children. This in no way means she is not free to get an education. She can go to night classes a couple times a week and hubby can take care of kids. This way she can seek employment when kids have left home and she can feel 'accomplished' by Society's sense of the word.
It no way implies she is not to be an equal. I think too many people have jumped the gun on this one and their own perceptions have clouded the issue and suspected that the old views of a woman's place was intended.
Voicing a concern is good. This person may own this view and is entitled to it. Just because we disagree or bring our own experience and therefore interpret it to be this as backwards thinking is just as wrong as the view that women are lesser than men, only good for three things, making babies, raising them, and putting food on table.
Dual incomes statistically show that it is not about survival it is more about prestiege and having/owning a bigger house than needed, more cars than needed and flashier and more expensive than needed, more material wealth. This is such a short sight as such individuals set themselves up for a mighty fall should the economy take a dive or should one partner fall ill or other.
Man I could go on on this topic...
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2007): I suspect the Kiera person was being sarcastic. Some of the questions on here just don't look like honest questions. It is interesting, you have to admit, to see the extent people go to anser some of them. I'm not being critical. Just an observation, and I think that's what she was probably getting at.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2007): The 'joke' would be funny if it wasn't posted in a relationship-help site. If we wanted a joke, we would have gone to jokes.com. I wouldn't spend time 'advising' men on half-hearted threads.
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female
reader, Keria +, writes (25 April 2007):
hehehehehehe! I think it's funny that people took you so seriously! I got the joke right away, and realized that you were just having fun!
I think that women should go out and work, and men should stay at home and look after things in the house, and watch Coronation Street and As the World Turns. They should be there for pure animal sex as soon as we get home. They should read articles all day that teach them how to drive their women crazy in bed. This would be the ideal world. Dear Anonymous one, how would you like to start it off, and become my sex slave.
Note to moderator: this is obviously a joke, as much as the question was.
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female
reader, Seratuki  +, writes (25 April 2007):
 Hi
Alright...I HAD to weigh in on this topic...
Firstly I want to say that my mother was a stay at home mom for the first 14 years of my life..she cooked, cleaned...had kids (I have 2 brothers) and did the whole dependent thing with my father...
and then one day he decided for whatever reason to become abusive to her...beating her and making her feel worthless..
and BECAUSE she was so dependent on him as you say you wish for women to be, she stayed...
and I watched her get beaten down by a man who thought of her only as the dirt beneath his feet...
It took her years of abuse to finally stand up and stop him...but then, being so dependent on him, she had no drivers licence...no job skills...
3 kids to support and a mortagage to pay...
WITHOUT her finacial provider...WITHOUT what you think she should have had....
So, to this day I don't know how she managed to keep the house, and get a job which paid enough to support us...
But I am soooo thankful that she had the opportunity to do so, as I'm sure my brothers and I would have suffered if she did not live in a place where such a thing is possible...
Be THANKFUL that each person has the chance to better themselves and look for a woman with merit in ALL areas of herself and not just in how much housework she can complete before you get home...
SHE will be much happier, and in turn so will you...
I'd also like to add that I am a stay at home mom...but I am BLESSED to be able to do that..and those women who chose to do otherwise should be applauded for doing what they want and not what society deemed appropriate...this is not Leave it to beaver...
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2007): To female anon below, I hope you're just generalizing your comments and not bunching all males together, cuz I find your comments a tad offensive. I think it's the principle behind it all. Mind you, if I were in your lover's shoes, I wouldn't ask you to work and instead hope you would be home to take care of the baby. However, if you were capable, I would rather have partner who can take care of herself and not rely on me for everything - and this isn't even just about money. It's about responsibility, independence, and being a strong, self-sustaining woman.
I have more admiration for a woman who let no man dictate her lifestyle, than a woman who sits at home and feels that we should all belong in a 1950's America where women shouldn't take up higher learning, wears and apron, and oh wait, this reminds me Mona Lisa Smile. Great movie. Loved it. [wink]
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2007): I am a female, & I totally agree. Let's keep em' barefoot & pregnant. Although, most men these days want a woman who earns a living, even one who can support them, which I think is horribly sad. So, blame it on the loser lazy men too. But I like the idea of not working & just being Dependant on a guy. And I have worked since I was 16, and I have gone to college. It just never seems to get me anywhere. But now I had a baby a week ago, & I am not working, I am living with the baby's dad, and he makes hints to me that I should be making $ which I think is b.s. cuz I could only earn enough to put the new born baby into day care anyways. And he makes pretty good $ so why does he need me to work? I just think guys these days are irresponsible losers & they don't want to take responsibility for anything, & they have no family values, or care to make a family work.
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female
reader, dollparts  +, writes (24 April 2007):
 you are a shovanistic little boy who needs to grow up you are the self centered one and maybe you should be the one staying home with the kids but if you havent noticed alot of men leave the family and the kids just remember that and really it does not make a diffrents weather you have a vagina or not we are all human beings and yeah I agree with ironic nostalgia with there. and you know what the sad thing is you don't even have the guts to make it not anonymous you arent a man at all you are a sad sad little controling little boy there I said it!
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female
reader, Enzian  +, writes (23 April 2007):
 In one way you are right. Women making their own career can add to brocken families. But I think that is not the big reason that so many marriages break today. It's the selfish way of lifing today. Everyone looks for himselfe and wants to have fun... But thats an other thing.
Back to your question.
God gave us humans a brain. Man AND women, both have a brain. Should a women not be allowed to use her brain in the way a man can do??? When a women is interessted in something, say in research, should she not be allowed to get the education for this and to work there??? Is it not egotistic of men to have this all for them selfes??? Also today not everyone gets married anymore. What should an unmarried women do, how can she earn her money, what would she eat? Also if a women gets separated from her husband (what is not rare today, I'm affraid) where should she get the money from? Or even worse: what when a husband gets invalid or dies? The money you get from the state is not really a lot and a women don't want to do some donkeywork!
On the other hand there is an other problem. Today girls are be told, everything is possible, but that's not true. A women can not have both, have a family and make her career. She will have to disregard one of this things. But think about this: In old days there was a lot to do at home, but today we have washing machines, dish washers, hoovers, and so on. We also ready to eat meals and the kids are at school all day. And there are only one, two or at the most three children in a family. There is still enoug work to do in a household, but it is not the same anymore as it was in the old days. And there is the other side that most men today don't appreciate the work of their wifes. So what can a women do? Sitting at home all day and not getting any commendation? Is she not allowed to do what she likes and where she can get some acceptance? Should it not be possible for a women to work part-time? For me as a women and a student who will finish her studies soon, that would be the best way - in case I will get married one day...
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female
reader, smeedle +, writes (23 April 2007):
 Oh Dear, where have you been hiding, I thought all the cave men were dead, but you are alive and kicking.
Move with the times, women have the vote, we have a voice and are no longer tied by the apron strings to the man and kids.
Men tried for years to keep women in the home and out of the workplace and we revolted, we can multi task (which scares the hell out of some men) so we can love a man, raise his kid, keep home and work and still find time for sex!!
So relax your views and get with the times!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): And to add to the answers, having the opportunity to work from a small start-up to a large corporate environment, I have had the chance to work with both incompetent and competent males AND females. There are NO exceptions. Whether they have a penis or a vagina or something in between, being capable is dependent on the individual and not on their gender. As much as a male may have ambitions and the craving for power and wealth, I know equally as many females with the same, similar, and greater dispositions.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): That's all very well and chauvanistic of you, but what about those men who can't work and provide for their families due to illness or other circumstances. Are the families supposed to starve? Your attitude is very narrow minded, people generally work because they have to live, not out of choice, aside from the obvious point that everyone is entitled to the right to work they want to, most people have to as one income can't normally sustain a whole family these days.
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female
reader, RaeRae86 +, writes (23 April 2007):
 Ok so I am a woman who wouldnt mind being taken care. But can you give me what i want and need? Can you provide my $750,000 home? Can you on top of that provide for my annual trips to europe, china, costa rica and hawaii? Also, what about my expensive taste in shoes and bags? And fine dining? Its hard to find a man who can provide all that for in trade is clean underwear and dinner every night. But most females I know, if we could all find a REAL man like that, we would stay out of the workplace but the truth is the rarely exisist, so we must provide our lifestyles for ourselves.
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male
reader, ironic nostalgia +, writes (23 April 2007):
 wow. the gall.first off, don't you think it's you're being a bit self-centered when you are the "kind of guy who wants his girl to need him, to be dependent on him for some reasons, may it be financial or emotional"? where do you get off calling women self-centered for wanting to be equal and independent members of society in relation to men's standing in said society, when you say crap like that?secondly, you say you have strong family values, but where is the value for your "girl"? expecting a woman to be your personal maid doesn't exactly speak of any strong values coming from you.finally, you don't really give any reason why you think that working women don't have a positive effect on society -- you only insinuate that working women lead to "broken families." sorry, but i'm calling bullsh*t. why don't you do some research on the subject and get back to us on your findings? i suggest a scholarly approach -- i.e., check out some academic research on this, not "opinion" from the popular press.you want to know what's happening? you're living in the past. you haven't evolved with the rest of society on the cultural and social changes on the interactions and dimensions between modern adult men and women. we want an equal society, where the sex you're born to doesn't predetermine your place in society. you are obviously harking back to the days when women were viewed as inferior to men, where women were treated as less than human. get over your self-induced superiority complex and live in the now.it doesn't matter what's between your legs -- we're all human. women would appreciate being (and demand to be!) treated as such from the likes of men like you.
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female
reader, penta +, writes (23 April 2007):
 In our home I work and my husband stays home with our kids -- I make more $$, had better insurance, and he wanted to do it. If we had to live on his salary (and lack of insurance) we'd have lost the house and would have trouble eating regularly. You gotta go with the family's strength.
You sound like you're afraid that if a woman isn't dependent on you financially or emotionally than she'll leave you someday. That's pathetic. You should become the kind of person that a woman wants to stay with because she trusts and loves you.
Strong, independent women raise strong, independent children. They do better if they learn that emotionally strong fathers are supportive of their children's mother, too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): It's not self-centeredness at all. Hun, you have to really, really understand..that in today's economic climate, many women don't have the luxury to stay home and raise their own children. And if you were to ask a lot of them, they would love to remain at home and raise with thier own children, rather than putting them in childcare. It really has nothing to do with family values...it's more to do with surviving and putting food on the table and providing a home for those kids. Give these women a break...many of them have no choice.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): are you for real? SERIOUSLY? WAKE UP! i cant believe that anyone would expect that these days! eyeswideopen is sooooo right. how do you expect society to move forward when you are stuck in the dark ages? ever heard of marie curie? without her fantastic work many people would have suffered and died. dont get me wrong, if a woman wants to stay at home and look after her man then fine. at least it would be her own choice....but good luck finding her these days!
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male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (23 April 2007):
 What about the men who are self-centered? Is that ok?
I think you need to open your eyes. You want a woman from Stepford?
Women working has had no effect on society from what I can see. It is the society itself, with its crime, poverty, drugs and alcohol abuse, american "culture" and greed that has more of an effect on families.
Family values slow decline is due to BOTH parents not giving the time and proper effort needed to raise the child in the way "they" would wish.
Women in the workplace has nothing to do with it.
I think you will find yourself alone on this one.
If your depressed about this than i would consider seeing a counsellor.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 April 2007):
 Please advise? I guess you can tell the single mothers that they should sit around and wait for manna from Heaven to feed their kids. Same for the families that need two incomes to pay the bills. Sheesh! Good luck finding the little lady that wants to stay barefoot and pregnant, baking biscuits and waiting for her big strong husband to come home fom work so she can fix him a nice cool drink and maybe fetch his slippers for him.
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