A
male
age
36-40,
*ruelover
writes:I'm a 25 yr old from India and work as a software engineer. I'll be moving to the US for grad school (Computer Science) soon (by Jan 2010 or Jun 2010).I've had a pretty interesting and different childhood.I've got an extremely strong interest and desire in women. But for a variety of reasons (including the fact that dating and premarital romantic relationships are not really the norm in my country) I've not been in any romantic relationship thus far. I'm not ashamed or apologetic about that (it took me some time to fix my own issues and get ready). I'm not interested in "arranged marriages" (which is the way most people are married here). So I'm looking at falling in love with a good woman who truly loves me. I've worked on myself in order to be the best of myself; clarify my needs, emotions, figuring myself out (my purpose, my values and beliefs), achieve financial independence. I'm presently working on developing an attractive and fit physique. I want to be the best that I can be for my soulmate.I'm interested in having a serious monogamous relationship with someone who truly loves me (essentially I want to find the one woman to share and spend the rest of my life with) and I've finally decided to start dating.Just a few queries since I am new to this.Thus far, I've satisfied my sexual urges mainly by watching porn (since I was 17) and now it's become a regular habit where I watch it on an average about 2/3 times a week. I think this is a normal thing to do. I'm aware that it is not at all fulfilling or meaningful at any level and I'm only using it as a filler/outlet (in the absence of any sexual relationship). I want to be absolutely honest and true (be myself) to my partner and although I'll reveal my porn viewing habit at the right time, I just hope she doesn't judge me as a pervert/sex addict for it. I'd like your views on this (esp. women).I also want to know where I can learn the etiquette/rules (if there is such a thing) for dating women (esp. on how to find the right person and develop a long-term relationship). Ideally I'd want to go out with different girls on shared activities like movies, theme parks, adventure sports etc and then find the right person and take it forward with her (become a good friend, get physically intimate and marry). Some of my friends who've got gfs say that I'm over-planning and that I should just let things be and that love will happen automatically (or by serendipity). However, I realize that I'm already 25 and I'm proactive by nature and want to do whatever is necessary to find my soul mate. I'm not interested in casual relationships (nothing wrong with them, just not my choice) and I fear that I might be hurt/taken advantage of (I'm emotionally intense but also resilient; still I'd like to avoid getting manipulated/"played on"/ getting my heart broken) by more experienced and manipulative women. Please help me on how to attract the right kind of woman who is good, honest, confident and attractive.I don't have any siblings to help me out with this. So I thought it'd be nice to hear your views and perspectives on this. Thanks for patiently reading this long post. This is one of the most important parts of my life (if not the most important). If the folks here could be so kind as to help me out I'd really appreciate it.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, truelover +, writes (10 December 2009):
truelover is verified as being by the original poster of the question I guess I was overplanning, eyeswideopen.
Thanks for ur sensible suggestion.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (7 December 2009):
 I agree with your friends, you are an over-planner. You are still very young, why not just relax and enjoy grad school? You'll meet girls if you get involved with the campus activities. Allow yourself to have some fun while you are footloose and fancy free.
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