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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi thereThis is a question for men and women! I'm looking forward to get answers from both, male and female!I proposed my now-wife 1 1/2 years ago. She said yes, but was very disappointed by the way I asked. So I asked her a second time because it was her wish. It seems that I also blowed the second time... We now are married and had a wonderful wedding day. But when her brother got engaged last week she said: wow, he surprised his girl with a weekend in Paris, walked away and was very peevishly for the rest of the day. When I told her, well but I really tried hard for the second one, she only chuntered something like, but wanted to lock me up in the room for an hour to prepare a "surprise"... She once told me, that she has the feeling, I only asked her, because she asked me to do it and that because I knew the answer, the question would not be real and I was not trying hard. To be honest, I wasn't nervous at all, only the second time I was a littel nervous when she started to protest, that she is not waiting in the littel room on her own for an hour doing nothing (it was on holiday and she had no work or anything with her to do...).So, the annunciation of her brothers engagement was yesterday. Today she is still peevishly. It's not the first time she is peevishly when it comes to this subject...Any ideas what I could do? Because honestly, I'm fed up with this.
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male
reader, whiteelephant  +, writes (17 October 2010):
i wasnt gonna say this but somebody else did perfectly and affirmed my suspicion
"she's not with you because she loves you,she's with you because you love her." -- mizz.butterflies
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): My fiancé asked me to marry him when I was in my slobbing around clothes and slippers doing the washing up; he had just got in from work, and it was a complete shock. But, I was completely thrilled that HE ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM. That was the big issue, not how or where it was done. Actually I find these big overblown proposals a bit over the top, but perhaps that's just me. The wedding is where you can splurge if you want to.
You wife seems to have bad priorities from what I can see. Getting engaged isn't about some big show, it's about the fact that the love of your life wants to marry you. To me she sounds materialistic and immature, and is more interested in keeping up with the joneses so to speak than the real issue at hand.
She has no right to behave like this. It is ungrateful and cruel. next time she acts like this I suggest to ask her precisely what the problem is, and explain to her what most of the answers here suggest.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): Fi_the_tree Thank you. The fact is most proposals are just simple and no matter how or where there done they will be a story you tell part of that couples history.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (17 October 2010):
 Vintage64: What a cracking post!!!!!! Love it!!!!!!
Your wife does sound very selfish to be honest. I know every girl dreams about the perfect proposal, but as another poster said, as long as the person i love asks me to marry him, then evrything would be perfect, i don't need weekends away. Yes surprises are nice, but we don't always get what we want.
I think she needs to know that her reaction is upsetting you, I mean it's not fair for her to STILL be dragging you down after a year and a half of marriage AND however long the engagement period was!!!!
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (16 October 2010):
 she's not with you because she loves you,she's with you because you love her.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (16 October 2010):
 She sounds like a complete spoiled bitch...to throw up to you that her brother surprised his girl with a weekend in Paris, who the hell does she think she is and why do you owe her a trip to Paris to ask her to marry her.
Tell her you want the ring back and go marry Donald Trump.
Sorry dude, you've been had....this woman is a throw back and I don't need to know anything else about her to tell you that, this marriage is not going to make it...cut your losses, run like hell. I am a 54 year old female telling you this run like your ass is on fire I don't care how hot she is, she's not worth it and this is just the beginning of your little life in hell.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): I think what she did is kinda rude...and I wonder, why did she say yes if she wasn't interested or was upset about your proposal? Maybe try asking her why she feels this way-maybe she somehow feels like she doesn't have a "story" to tell about her engagement? Maybe she is unhappy in your relationship and is looking for a reason, like the post above suggests...In any case she shouldn't hang this over your head at this point-you guys are aready married! I would confront her about the way she is acting, definitely, and let her know that it upsets you. Let her know you did your best and she makes you feel inadequate. Maybe she doesn't realize how she is coming across...in any case, I think you guys should definitely have a conversation about this issue-you don't want it to cause a huge rift between you so early in your marriage :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 October 2010):
She even protested the second time during the middle of it! I admire you for even bothering.
Next time she says it, ask her why she bothered saying yes. It'll lead to an argument, but this is pretty low. Most women wait for the day a guy just mutters the word 'marriage', let alone actually asks. Sounds like your wife is a bit of a drama queen.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): thanks for your answers!
Well, I forgot to say that, there was a long story behind it and I was one of this men that fear or refusal to commit. It was her asking me to go out and it was her that told, it's time to commit. But she wanted Me to ask her. It took me half a year more and she nearly break up. And actually she says, she made a lot of clear hints to me, that she wished a romantic proposal and it should be a surprise. The first was not romantic in her eyes. I thought, she wants me to ask surprisingly, but it was the wrong day and I didn't realise, she wants a surprise (me doing something surprisingly, not just ask, as I did the first time). The second time I tried hard for a surprise, but she told me it was no surprise because I locked her up for an hour and she had to wait (she realised I'll ask again after that hour). And an other point is, that I knew the answer - so I really was not nervous at all, what seems to be her dream.
I told her, that I don't want to hear it any more, but she only told me, that this shows her, that I don't care about her feelings.
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A
female
reader, ElectricSheep +, writes (16 October 2010):
 What an immature lady! You asked her TWICE, had a great wedding, yet she's not satisfied?! Personally, I wouldn't care how I got asked to be married. As long as the person I love is asking that question, then everything about it would be perfect.
Because she wants to be romantically surprised, why don't you plan a surprise for her? It could be for her birthday, anniversary, Valetine's Day, or just celebrate any regular day. (Or a THIRD proposal haha!) Ask your/her friends for ideas about planning a great surprise, then do it!
Your wife is complaining about how your proposal was without feeling, yet her own actions show that she doesn't care about your efforts either.
Tell her you weren't expecting this kind of reaction when you asked her to marry you; you were expecting to feel loved and appreciated. Say you will make it up to her, but let this issue go once and for all. So like I said, plan a good surprise for her and hopefully she's forget about this proposal thing.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (16 October 2010):
 a couple thoughts: my dad brought up getting married, like did not get on one knee or anything, during grocery shopping, he was just like, so should we do that soon? and she was like completely delighted and flustered and loved it (so she says!), and PART of me wants to say, if she really cared about you then she'd probably look beyond what she clearly sees as a flaw to somethinge else, like actually now being with you. i could be wrong but I feel like maybe she's actually just dissatisfied with you as a partner and finds this as representative of part of the issue. I think you need to show her a little more romance, give her love and care. I understand that this could be her way of trying to reach out and say she needs more from you romantically. try doing something surprisingly sweet this week and see if it gets her mind off the brother. if it doesn't, maybe THEN lay down the law like the other girls say.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): I agree with YoWish, but what i think you should do is, the next time she says something, say, I tell you what sweetheart, you propose to me, show me how it's done.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 October 2010):
 You have every right to be peeved. The point of the proposal is to get married. If she said yes, that's fine. Personally, I would have been pissed if she had said "yes" but made you ask again. You do not need to fulfill some girlhood dream of this elaborate proposal. This isn't Days of our Lives.
She needs to get over it. Seriously. Tell her that you don't want to hear about it anymore. Look to the future, not the past. If you had "done it wrong", so to speak, she should have said no, leaving you to propose to someone less spoiled. She's lucky you proposed, given that I see a TON of questions on here bemoaning a man's fear or refusal to commit.
Look her in the eye if she brings it up and say "Enough".
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