A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Has anyone ever found themselves still holding on after a breakup because there's a lot a unfinished business to wrap up or plans that were cut off in mid play?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): It takes time after a break up. I went through a divorce almost 12 years ago now. She walked out the door to work and sent an email to me saying she wasn't coming back.
You could say a few things were left hanging. I packed up moved back to my home city with the dogs and a moving bill. Our only contact was the occasional email.
Ten years later we had our first real conversation again. I had truly moved on, but it did feel good to talk through those issues which had been left on the table ten years earlier. I say this from one fella to another. It may be best to let her be, keep it civil if you can and move forward. You may never get solid wrap up or like me it may take a decade.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Yes I think this does happen with a lot of people.
What ever 'business' you need to sort out you should try and contact/talk to that person and sort it out with them properly, before you drive yourself mad!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Often relationships end in a ragged sort of way, not neat and tidy. Questions left unanswered. Plans half made for holidays. Personal items not returned. In an ideal world it would be all straightened out with issues aired and accepted etc. But that's just not the way it is. I have heard of people getting themself in a real state about, for example, a ring they want returned, when really it's the loss of the person that is at the heart of it. Looking for closure is a process and at the end of the day you just have to cut your losses and look to the future.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (8 December 2010):
 I think this happens a lot - especially when it was the other person who did the breaking up. Usually there is still some underlying issue or residual feeling left but it is sometimes better to let it all go than to hang on in there if there is no chance of a resolution. It is hard to finish on questions but it will get easier over time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Yes. Absolutely!
It sounds as though you've gone through a breakup, and having trouble moving on. If you have unfinished business, I'm guessing it was your ex who ended things. Have you not had the opportunity to talk through things and get "closure"?
I'm in a similar position. The way that my ex ended things a couple of months ago has left me with no real closure. I still don't know for sure why she decided to end it and - nmainly - why she did it like that (by text!). I have dozens of unanswered questions...
... but would be unlikely to get (sincere) answers if I tried asking her. I once read that the most lies you're ever likely to hear are from someone who's breaking up with you. It's not always possible to resolve "unfinished business" in a satisfactory way.
Ultimately, I guess the important thing to focus on is not the 'why' but the 'what'.
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