A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend told me he'd like to try a threesome. I told him I'd do it but that I'd also like a threesome but with another guy. He went from totally enthusiastic that I said yes to furious. I told him I didn't want him to do anything with the other guy like he wants me with another girl. Now he's upset because I want another guy in bed..well he wants another girl! Why is he so upset? It's absurd. He wants to pleasure another girl why can't I want to be pleasured by another guy and him?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (3 December 2010):
 So why can't a man please another man just as easily and well?? Seriously. I'm not even a lesbian, but I *hate* the portrayal of lesbians in porn, which basically portrays them as doing what they do only to either turn a man on or to prime themselves up for a man.
Why can't men please each other just as easily? Good question, don't you think?
A
female
reader, DianneRn +, writes (2 December 2010):
Totally understand where you are coming from. I'm thinking of doing the same with my husband. He doesn't want me with a man either but from what I hear women can please other women very well. So if he wants this establish ground rules and make him understand you have to be the center of attention. Let the woman know the rules as well
An
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Haha, I've found mmf much easier to arrange... had one and have been invited to others. I won't do a threesome again in a committed relationship.
Like Jmtmj said, high five OP!
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A
female
reader, MsVick +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Males tend to be territorial, so he views a threesome with 2 women as fine and great, but to share you with another male? No he isn't going to do that and in fact probably feels threatened by the idea, after all this other male may be better in bed than your BF is and try to steal his woman.
I would say this tell him if you can't do the 3some MMF as well as the MFF, then its off. Why should he get what he wants when you will not? Oh and btw if you do the MFF first, you may never have that MMF 3 some you want, at least not with this guy.
You may need to find someone more open minded. From my experience finding a man willing to do a MMF is rare.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 High five for saying that to him! :D
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A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Threesomes can be enjoyable and not a problem in some relationships, however this is clearly not one of them!
I am happy to have 3somes with another girl with my boyfriend because I'm bisexual and I can't stand the thought of another man touching me.
If your boyfriend can't doesn't want you having a Threesome with another guy, then why should he get to have fun with another girl?
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Threesomes are a bad idea. This is a perfect example as to why. Not only does the idea of having sex with another girl turn him on, but having you there does also.
This isn't a common double standard that all men have. What your boyfriend is doing is unfair and uncalled for.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Keep in mind as you read this, I'm not trying to call it fair, or morally justify it, just explain how he's thinking. On those grounds, I'm completely against threesomes in general.
I think you'll have a very difficult time finding a guy who does not think the same way he does - at least, among those guys who'd like a threesome at all.
We're jealous creatures, particularly over physical displays of interest or affection. There is a truly visceral, "fight or flight" reaction to the thought of another man with our woman. I've seen surveys claiming men react more strongly to physical infidelity than women (while women respond more strongly to emotional infidelity).
True or not, guys generally believe (and from what I can tell, a lot of women agree) that they can seperate sex from emotions - that is, he can pleasure another girl in front of you and never think about her again. At the same time, true or not, the same people hold the belief that women have a much harder time seperating emotions from sex. he may truly believe that he can screw another girl (with your approval) and not hurt the relationship, but not believe you are capable of the same thing (through no fault of your own).
So, yes, unfair. That he would openly express interest in this is a sign that our culture is failing to endorse relationships. But I hope this helps you understand where he's coming from.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Now that you know where he stands and the real motivation behind his suggestion.. I hope you reevaluate your investment of yourself in this guy. This is basically bringing porn to life and asking you to be his personal blow up doll. I wouldn't take this from my husband... and I sure as heck wouldn't take it from some dude I was dating either. My advice? Dump him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 December 2010):
This is a very good reason not to have a threesome. He just wants to cheat.
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A
female
reader, Adorskable  +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Don't do it! If he agrees to the threesome make sure you do yours first MWM because if he does his FMF first he will simply back off and not pay his deeds.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 December 2010):
Heh, I think you know the answer to this one. You answered correctly to him about having another guy instead of another girl. Why he doesn't think you wouldn't be furious about him wanting another girl into his bed is funny. Of course he wouldn't want another guy.
What's good for the goose is good for the gander I say!
He is also nursing a huge misconception about threesomes started by the porn industry. In porn, threesomes are usually the two girls pleasuring the guy. In reality, it's all mutual and a lot of work!
Stick to your guns on this one! It's very absurd, and kinda funny that he'd have such a reaction while at the same time thinking you'd be okay with two women.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): yep, its double standard. guys seem to think that we should be all ok with them and another girl, but they cant handle us with another guy? yep, double standard.
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A
female
reader, almc  +, writes (1 December 2010):
He wants to have a 3sum, with another girl so he can cheat and not get in shit,
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