A
male
age
30-35,
*h1p01
writes:So my girlfriend and I broke up a few months back, but kept a FWB relationship till one of us meet someone else. The only problem is that we actually have only had sex once or twice, yet every night she comes to my room, eats my food, watches my TV, drinks my booze, asks me for a massage, and sleeps in my bed. Should I just outright kick her out? I have tried talking with her, and trying to initiate things. I think I should just tell her I can't do this anymore and that we should be just friends. What do you guys think? I've tried everything...I actually sleep on my couch now because if I sleep next to her I end up spending the night feeling used.
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female
reader, ladyprestige +, writes (27 February 2011):
Ending it would definitely be you saving your sanity. Think about it: one of you is going to be extremely hurt once the other finds a steady mate. And believe it may be you, because you are the one being used. You're not running to her place, she's running to yours.
A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (25 February 2011):
I just don't understand the FWB thing. I hate the term. I think it is the dumbest thing anyone can do -- guy or girl. It's basically two people signing up to be used by the other. It's just incredibly moronic, in my opinion, and I think those who engage in this idiotic behavior have self-esteem issues that need to be addressed. So, stop doing it unless, of course, you like being this girl's freakin' doormat. Kick this girl out of your apartment and out of your life -- do it NOW!!. And, don't do this ridiculous FWB crap with anyone else again. Save your sanity and self-esteem (not to mention your food and booze!). Good luck.
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (25 February 2011):
you're both really dependent on each other. You know that a real relationship isn't going to work so you break up. But you still want to sleep together without any strings attached , i.e. FWB....this is not a healthy situation even if you were getting some. FWB relationships usually cause a lot of misunderstandings and hurt feelings, let alone with the baggage of being a former relationship but now with fuzzy boundaries. And yet you're not even getting any, instead she's taking advantage of you, using you as a way to spend an evening to avoid being lonely but not really bothering or wanting any connection with you. It sounds like she is too insecure to be alone and is just using your presence (not even your company since it sounds like she's not interested in your company) so she won't have to be alone. It sounds like she never wanted to be FWB, she was just saying that to get you to allow her to do this.
You really should end things with her cleanly. Already personal boundaries are blurred when you go from a real relationship to FWB. Now it's blurred even more this is not even FWB this is....brother and sister??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): If you don't want her in your life, why make her a friends with benefits?
Whatever label you want to give your situation, she obviously doesn't take it seriously if she's still living with you and having sex with you. And to a certain degree, I understand why she might think you're bluffing.... You've kind of set up an untenable situation if you want to be FWB while continuing to live with your newly ex-girlfriend.
You don't want to be with her, that's why you broke up, right? You don't even like having sex with her. Ask her to leave.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): you cant be fwb if there are no benefits i suggest moving on shes just keeping you there to fall back on when she wants you or something from you. if you think u might get the relationship back you wont
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (25 February 2011):
 Geez Louise! Grow a pair! Stop using her as a a fur lined safety deposit box and she won't have any excuse to mistreat you.
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove +, writes (25 February 2011):
 "every night she comes to my room, eats my food, watches my TV, drinks my booze, asks me for a massage, and sleeps in my bed" I'm just one man but I'll bet she thinks she has you wrapped around her finger. I would end it in a way she gets the point she is using you.
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A
female
reader, sophisticated08 +, writes (25 February 2011):
 yea you guys should just end the whole FWB thing. its not working out. you two are just in it waiting until either of you find someone new... its time to just be friends
the girl really is just using you ... she eats up your food and drinks up your stuff.. she just using you as a chill buddy someone to kick it with when she has nothing else to do..
to avoid sleeping on your couch ... tell her that you just want to friends for now on with out the benefits just strictly friends
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A
female
reader, little birdie +, writes (25 February 2011):
 i think i am going to answer this question with a question...
who exactly is getting the benefits here?
is she just snugglin up when she has a fire in her panties.
sounds like she is just lookin for someone to mooch off of. she has probably been ran ut by all her other friends for the same reason. does she hav a job or a car?
here is what i would do if i were u...
clean up your house... be sexy. do things you know she likes. be sensitive and interested in her. eventually she will either return the invite or pack her crap.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): i hate to answer a question with a question...
but who exactly is getting the benefits here. is she only getting it when she wants it and leaving you in the cold on her off days? sounds pretty lame. sounds like she just wants the security of having someone around without commiting to anything. and my bet is that she already has a little fling and just not telling you. if you are not ready to leave her out in the cold, then do things that you know she likes. be sexy and mysterious. smile at her and listen. just see where that gets you. its either going to spark her up or send her packing.....
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (25 February 2011):
 If you've gotten to the point where you spend the night on your couch to avoid her... time to end it.
If you're both waiting until either of you meets someone else and you're not happy with your situation... time to end it.
If you actually want to move on and find someone new...
well, you get the point..
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (25 February 2011):
 Ofcourse you should, how much longer is this going to go on for?
I had a gf like this once, You have to be firm and make sure she understands that you want her to leave so you can get on with your life. Lets face it, while she is there you are hoping for sex that isnt going to happen.
If this continues you will start to hate her and maybe even start mistreating her.
It is best for both of you that this ends asap
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A
male
reader, Boy Blue +, writes (25 February 2011):
Honestly, FWB is stupid. The sex isn't even that great. In any case this girl is clearly using you...which was maybe a sign of fine-print from the fwb deal u have with her. Kick her out.
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